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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Soooo... My husband thinks I'm fat and unhealthy...

Posted by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:42 AM
  • 46 Replies
So my friend is losing weight, my hubby saw a picture of her and commented on her amazing results. I said yea she's lost 50 lbs by drinking shakes and starving herself 2 days a week to the tune of $300/ mo. Before i can practically finish my sentance he exclaims "YOU SHOULD DO THAT... Why dont you do that?" my chin could have hit the floor. What do you say to that? He clarified himself saying he is worried about my "health". And continued lecturing me that as we age ( i just turned 40) it gets harder and harder to keep weight off, extra weight is bad for your heart yada yada...This issue is not new for us, he has periodically throughout our marriage (after kids) let me know his dispproval with my size. Before kids I had a great body now I'm a size 12, mushy in the middle and realistically could stand to lose 25 lbs. I'm very large chested which doesn't help matters. Before I started up my post-kids career I had the time to go to the gym regularly and loved working out, but even then, that wasnt good enough for him. Now i cant find the time, motivation or partner to workout with regularly --otherwise i totally would. I do walk 4-6 miles one day a week with a friend but that's not regular enough for him. I feel he is a hypocrite, because he smokes and has athdma It seems to me he is diguising his distaste for the way I look as concern. I doubt anything will help us come to a resolution. We clearly have fundamental differences regarding the importance of outward appereance. Anyone else dealing with this in their marriage? How do you handle it?
Thanks for letting me vent.
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
USMCwife0530
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:20 AM
I had a similiar convo with my DH a couple days ago. I'm not overweight by any means, I'm 5'8" and weigh about 125-130. I had 2 kids with my youngest only being 15 months old. My DH is a gym fanatic. We have a mutual friend on FB that has been posting how she's been training for her first marathon. Anyway, I don't remember how we stumbled across that topic (I think it had to do with me telling him why he doesn't compliment me as much as he used to) and out of nowhere he says "(insert name) likes to run. She's been training for a marathon. She's looking good." I know he didn't mean it in a sexual way but it ticked me off that he could say something like that about a friend but he can't compliment me!
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mamadola
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:24 AM
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I totally understand, I too have put on more weight than I would like to admit since my last child and have noticed my husbands comments about my eating and drinking habits. though he too has put on weight, so I finally told him I can't find anyone to do this with me can't we do it together? Now we excersise for 30 min a day together doing crunches and light aerobics I say just tell him to help motivate you he could participate. Might help his health too.
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michellej428
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:29 AM
No, sorry. My dh is very supportive and we lost weight together because we were tired of how we looked/felt. He lost 25 and I lost 40. We've also quit smoking together. Having him do all this with me and being my support has made it so much easier, he is such a blessing.

I say, don't worry about what he says or thinks. Worry about how you feel about yourself!! Good luck!
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Fields456
by Silver Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:36 AM
Dh and I are about to quit smoking together and start working out together. He wants to beef up his muscles and I want to loose my last 30lbs From baby. I am excited we are going to do it together

Quoting michellej428:

No, sorry. My dh is very supportive and we lost weight together because we were tired of how we looked/felt. He lost 25 and I lost 40. We've also quit smoking together. Having him do all this with me and being my support has made it so much easier, he is such a blessing.



I say, don't worry about what he says or thinks. Worry about how you feel about yourself!! Good luck!


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stayci94
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:38 AM
My husband never said anything about my weight at all, until......i went on what sounds like the same program as your friend. I felt amazing and My health came into check. I kept the weight off for 2 years before i started taking a medicine that made me gain weight. I gained all my weight back. He has begged me to go back on program. I know he loves me and would never want to hurt me.......but my insecurities got the best of me. I thought he hated the way i look but since I've gained my weight back....my health has gone down hill. It would be easy for me to blame him, for the awful way i feel.......but i have to take responsibility for my health and the way i feel about it. If i were happy with my weight.....no matter what anyone else said.....it wouldn't get to me. I'm ready to get that weight back off and feel good again. I need to do it for myself first, then to be around for my family and future grand kids.
When you are ready you are ready but i feel that i am selfish not to want to change for my health and family. I'm sure you love your husband very much no matter what he looks like.....and I'm sure he loves you......you may want to tell him....thanks for caring and loving me but until I'm ready...i would appreciate you not pushing the subject because it does not help.
lapcounter
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:06 AM
Sorry. I have had many health problems the last being thyroid cancer thankfully husband understands that being on total thyroid meds and being almost 42 weight will be a constant battle with me and he loves me no matter what.
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TommyAbby
by Melissa on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:24 AM

My hubby and I work out together. If he wants you to lose weight for your health, then you should say the same for him. He can be your partner and then you both can keep each other in check. Hubby and I cook our meals together, spot each for weight lifting, and give each other the evil eye if we are caught sneaking a cookie :) 

I hope it works out for you. 

nlc75
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:34 AM
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I'm overweight due to a bad battle with depression. My DH has never said I was fat or complained about my weight. He always says he wants me to be happy. He knows I'm not happy this way.
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Gmgej
by Michele on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:40 AM

I am sorry your dh is like this, it is extremely hurtful. I suffer depression and have weight issues, my dh is always supportive and loving never ever said a thing, he supports me all the time with right eating but never bashes if I mess up. Honestly this would be a deal breaker for me, the constant stress to look like your dh wants will eventually break you. 

beeky
by Alexandra on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:44 AM
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Has your husband put on any weight?

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