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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Soooo... My husband thinks I'm fat and unhealthy...

So my friend is losing weight, my hubby saw a picture of her and commented on her amazing results. I said yea she's lost 50 lbs by drinking shakes and starving herself 2 days a week to the tune of $300/ mo. Before i can practically finish my sentance he exclaims "YOU SHOULD DO THAT... Why dont you do that?" my chin could have hit the floor. What do you say to that? He clarified himself saying he is worried about my "health". And continued lecturing me that as we age ( i just turned 40) it gets harder and harder to keep weight off, extra weight is bad for your heart yada yada...This issue is not new for us, he has periodically throughout our marriage (after kids) let me know his dispproval with my size. Before kids I had a great body now I'm a size 12, mushy in the middle and realistically could stand to lose 25 lbs. I'm very large chested which doesn't help matters. Before I started up my post-kids career I had the time to go to the gym regularly and loved working out, but even then, that wasnt good enough for him. Now i cant find the time, motivation or partner to workout with regularly --otherwise i totally would. I do walk 4-6 miles one day a week with a friend but that's not regular enough for him. I feel he is a hypocrite, because he smokes and has athdma It seems to me he is diguising his distaste for the way I look as concern. I doubt anything will help us come to a resolution. We clearly have fundamental differences regarding the importance of outward appereance. Anyone else dealing with this in their marriage? How do you handle it?
Thanks for letting me vent.
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:42 AM
Replies (11-20):
Mesh2
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:45 AM

I know you say that he does not take care of his own body, but could his concern maybe not be about your outward apperance? Maybe he is concerned for your health. 

rockinmomto2
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:53 AM

My DH seems to be the opposite. I'm trying VERY hard to lose weight, and he seems to sabotage me at every turn. I can understand how much it would hurt for your husband (who's supposed to love you no matter what) to tell you that he doesn't like the way you look.*hugs*

alexsmomaubrys2
by Silver Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:56 AM

My husband doesn't complain about my weight but encourages me to be healthy and exercise.

DO NOT DO THE SHAKES.

My BIL did them, lost almost a 100lbs but it doesn't teach you how to maintain that weight and he put it all back on and more when he stopped.

Eat healthy and exercise. =D It's less about the weight and more about living a healthy lifestyle.

jakesmom323
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:58 AM
I'm sorry and that was mean of him. You sound like you are active and are fighting the good battle in weight. Everybody's bodies are different and a size 12 is pretty average I would think. We have babies and things just change. I hope that you just took it wrong and you should probably tell him how you feel. Good luck:)
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rollin3kidsdeep
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 8:05 AM
2 moms liked this
My ex dh was very critical of my weight. I lost 70 pounds and then another 200 when I divorced his critical ass. Do what makes YOU happy
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mrswilson10
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 8:08 AM

I think there is a way that a spouse can tell their other half that they are worried about them without being mean. Hubby and I just talked last night about how we have not been eating right since we have been so busy. I work retail so that means tons of extra hours right now...so we have been hitting the drive through far more often than we should have been. We have decided that we are going to go back to eating at home most of the time like we were. I would have to wonder where my husbands heart lies if he is being mean about something like my weight.

soda91
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 8:09 AM
I know how you feel. After my daughter I gained a lot of weight. I've never been tiny, but I was where I wanted to be after I had my son. My boyfriend always calls me a fat@$$ and says we lose so much money because he's always feeding my fat@$$. Its very hurtful, and I've lost all self esteem. He says for me to go to the gym, but its hard when I have a 2 yr old, and a 6 month old who are on 2 opposite schedules to where I only get 3-4 hrs a sleep every night. So I am too exhausted, plus I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Iron his clothes for work, and make sure I have all his stuff ready. You do what makes you happy, and always remember you're beautiful to you no matter who sees it
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AlannaMaria
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 8:14 AM
1 mom liked this
My DH hasn't said anything like that to me.

What if you guys did insanity or p90x at home together?
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cholita1978
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this

 If he dares criticize you, he better be a top male model, or look like freaking Ken, if not tell him to go screw himself unless he's willing to help you, or at least work out with you.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:55 AM

Sorry :-( 

Of the two of us, I'm in better shape and has been the one in the past to prod him to lose weight when he looked exceptionally unhealthy several years ago. His reaction when I nicely asked him if he wanted to start working out with me was pretty ugly.

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