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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Soooo... My husband thinks I'm fat and unhealthy...

So my friend is losing weight, my hubby saw a picture of her and commented on her amazing results. I said yea she's lost 50 lbs by drinking shakes and starving herself 2 days a week to the tune of $300/ mo. Before i can practically finish my sentance he exclaims "YOU SHOULD DO THAT... Why dont you do that?" my chin could have hit the floor. What do you say to that? He clarified himself saying he is worried about my "health". And continued lecturing me that as we age ( i just turned 40) it gets harder and harder to keep weight off, extra weight is bad for your heart yada yada...This issue is not new for us, he has periodically throughout our marriage (after kids) let me know his dispproval with my size. Before kids I had a great body now I'm a size 12, mushy in the middle and realistically could stand to lose 25 lbs. I'm very large chested which doesn't help matters. Before I started up my post-kids career I had the time to go to the gym regularly and loved working out, but even then, that wasnt good enough for him. Now i cant find the time, motivation or partner to workout with regularly --otherwise i totally would. I do walk 4-6 miles one day a week with a friend but that's not regular enough for him. I feel he is a hypocrite, because he smokes and has athdma It seems to me he is diguising his distaste for the way I look as concern. I doubt anything will help us come to a resolution. We clearly have fundamental differences regarding the importance of outward appereance. Anyone else dealing with this in their marriage? How do you handle it?
Thanks for letting me vent.
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:42 AM
Replies (21-30):
garnet83
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:56 AM

You have a lot of excuses for why you carry around the extra weight. You don't have to do the exact same diet as your friend to lose it. If it's a priority, you can lose the weight. Lose 30 lbs or so and it won't be an issue. Face facts. Being overweight is unattractive. You are just upset that he said it out loud and diet and exercise sucks. And yes, you regard out appearance different ways. Men are very visual. That's how they are wired. They are not like women in that regard and that's ok. If you want to appeal to him, you must do it visually. Others way as well, but visually. Don't make excuses. Be accountable for your physical condition and take responsibility to do something about it. Lose weight and you will feel better about yourself, have more energy, and be more confident.

LilMamaK
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:10 AM

Hmm... why can't he just accept you for you? I could understand if you had health problems and THEN he brought this up... but the way he brought it up and the way he said it is disrespectful and mean. If my DH said that to me, i'd prob smack him.. lol! (My DH is a OTR truck driver and NEVER eats right and always gains weight!) IDK hun... I think he needs to love and accept you for you... not your size.

*~*Wifey To Tommy(2.4.11), Mommy to Allyana(7.5.08), StepMom to Aidan(6.5.07), & Our Angel Baby Jovanny(3.6.10)*~*

AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Nov. 29, 2012 at 11:46 AM

Honestly if my husband said that to me I would say, "Well you know, I can drop about 300lbs RIGHT NOW."  That would shut him up.  (My DH is a really big guy.  300ish lbs. and 6'7" tall.  Broad shoulders and chest..)

I mean you could take it to mean that he's really concerned about you but that was reall crappy how he handled it.  (hugs)

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:06 PM

 (((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

nicole2884
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:46 PM

i would tell him i will lose 25 pounds if you quit smoking

to make it fun you can say whoever makes it to their goal first buys the other ____.

i lost 25 pds an while i know age is a big factor ,  i didnt starve myself i worked out 6 days a week an tracked my calories, i however eased into it, i started by nixing one bad thing i ate a week an exercised 3 times a week an once it became routine, around 2mths in it wasnt a big deal, an once i lost the first 10 pounds it was the desire to loose more an more that kept me going

i lost the other 15 once i upped my work out an i still allowed myself a cheat item a week

however i know just how you felt i stopped working out when we were moving, an havent worked out much since so getting into the routine is the hardest part but once you get there you cant imagine it any other way

little.worthen
by Tessie on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:48 PM
So try to lose weight.. What's the harm in that? It will benefit both of you. I see no problem here other than your insecurity.
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redbutterfly666
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:52 PM

me and df are both fat lol so neither of us take offense when the other says something(we usually say it jokingly anyway), but we did come up with a plan to both lose 60 pounds by my birthday(ill be 21 holy crap!) next year on September 18th. if we both lose 50-60 pounds he gets to pick out lingerie for me for our wedding night(october 13th) and thats enough to put a fire under his butt to start lol

he's buying me a belly dancing fitness dvd for Christmas and a dietary cook so i can make healthier foods 

StrawberryCool
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:02 PM

uhm don't do it.

those shakes are WORTHLESS.....

look into the products from itworks. 


CrazyLife1996
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:06 PM
My husband works out with me and has never commented about my weight ever and wouldn't be crazy enough to.
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MrsSexyCurtains
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:20 PM

Hubby knows better than to comment on my weight lol I am not fat by any means (101lbs) but my shit jiggles all over and I hate it!  So we started working out together and it has been nice.  He will be deploying soon so I am going to continue to tone up while he's gone so I can look awesome by the time he comes home.

Honestly, you can always find the time.  While watching tv you can do squats and jumping jacks.  Then right before you shower do some lunges and sit ups.  If you do a little a day it will start to make a difference.  

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