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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Soooo... My husband thinks I'm fat and unhealthy...

So my friend is losing weight, my hubby saw a picture of her and commented on her amazing results. I said yea she's lost 50 lbs by drinking shakes and starving herself 2 days a week to the tune of $300/ mo. Before i can practically finish my sentance he exclaims "YOU SHOULD DO THAT... Why dont you do that?" my chin could have hit the floor. What do you say to that? He clarified himself saying he is worried about my "health". And continued lecturing me that as we age ( i just turned 40) it gets harder and harder to keep weight off, extra weight is bad for your heart yada yada...This issue is not new for us, he has periodically throughout our marriage (after kids) let me know his dispproval with my size. Before kids I had a great body now I'm a size 12, mushy in the middle and realistically could stand to lose 25 lbs. I'm very large chested which doesn't help matters. Before I started up my post-kids career I had the time to go to the gym regularly and loved working out, but even then, that wasnt good enough for him. Now i cant find the time, motivation or partner to workout with regularly --otherwise i totally would. I do walk 4-6 miles one day a week with a friend but that's not regular enough for him. I feel he is a hypocrite, because he smokes and has athdma It seems to me he is diguising his distaste for the way I look as concern. I doubt anything will help us come to a resolution. We clearly have fundamental differences regarding the importance of outward appereance. Anyone else dealing with this in their marriage? How do you handle it?
Thanks for letting me vent.
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:42 AM
Replies (31-40):
Due9
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:42 PM

I am pregnant now so my dh is supportive and doens't say anything. In the past, he has been concerned and encouraged me to go to the gym. It doesn't bother me at all because I was overweight and I wanted to lose weight anyway. He wants me to be healthy. I also want him to be healthy and will tell him if I think he needs to change his diet or exercise habits...We encourage and support each other and want the very best for each other because we want to grow very old together. A  heart attack, stroke, diabetes, etc is scary to think about.

Gabrielle1982
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:50 PM

I'm not dealing with it from my husband but I am from myself.  I don't think a shake diet is what you need.  If it is hard for you to get to the gym, maybe buy a program to do at home.  I started P90X back in March and had awesome results.  It was nice because you have an option to pay it all at once or monthly.  They have a nutrition guide in which it helps you calculate how many calories you need and three different types of workouts you can do.  Like there is the lean workout if you want to get leaner, the classic, and doubles for people who are in really good shape.  And it allows you to do what YOU can do and they have at least one person doing modified versions of stuff.  Only once did my husband say I was getting a little rounder and that was when I noticed and asked him.  I wish he would have told me sooner because I would have been more motivated to do something about it sooner.  Who cares if he's being a hypocrite if you think he's right about you needing to get healthier, though.  There's a good chance that if you start on a program and lose weight and create better habits that he will want to do the same.  Maybe he won't be obvious about it, I think guys like to be non-chalent about things, but maybe he'll act like he's doing it to support you or something when deep down he would like to do it for himself. 

lnr187
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:44 PM

 i go through the same thing. my hubby says he loves me no matter what but that he has noticed the weight gain and is concerned about my health, especially since we want to get pregnant. i try not to take it personally, but it's hard not to. i am not happy with my weight/health, but i can't seem to find the motivation to do anything about it.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:44 PM

 My DH and I work out together. We wake up at the same time each morning, half an hour earlier than necessary, and we'll do stuff around the house like lunges, stair climbs, bicep curls, and we hold each other accountable.

We also eat extremely healthy each meal and snack. All of us.

Living a healthier lifestyle is easier when you're not the only one doing it. Tell your DH that. Have him hold you accountable, and vice versa.

tanksgirl
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:57 PM

I go through the same thing with df he doesn't come right out and say it but he does say things like you used to be more fit or do something about it then and makes me feel like he thinks it just don't say it. it is very hurtful and to be honest i know i need to lose weight i am just not motivated enuf yet i guess... i also am a size 12 which i think is pretty normal

<3 Tanksgirl <3

furbabymum
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:57 PM

The one time my DH was stupid enough to mention my cellulite I grabbed a hand of stomach fat on him and just smirked. He's smarter than to try that again. ;)

I'm not going to say there aren't limits to his weight in my opinion. I love the man for the wonderful guy he is but there is no way I could be attracted to him if his stomach could suffocate me during sex. He says ditto. lol

Anyway, get him good at his own game imo. Start hiding his ciggaretts and making comments when he's smoking that include, "I just want you to be healthy." Tell him, "you really got me thinking about our health and I think we should really change." Start cooking super healthy (and odd) food. Oh, I bet he'd never say anything again. LOL

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Nov. 29, 2012 at 11:59 PM

 I've never gained a significant amount of weight but I imagine I would be very hurt if my husband said that to me. I gained a lot when I was pregnant with my son and it took me a little while to lose it (at least in my opinion) and he always told me how beautiful I was and only encouraged me to be healthy, not to lose weight.

PROGENITOR
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 12:05 AM

DH never once said anything to me when I was obese. I was on antidepressants, the weight gain began when I started taking them and the weightloss didn't start until I quit taking them....just FYI for those ladies who are battling depression. Antidepressants totally can make you fat. Exersice makes you happy and healthy. I lost over 100 lbs. DH has seen photos of me from before and has been shocked at how large I was. He never saw me as large as I was.  He has always been very supportive of me. I am a fitness instructor now.

rayroe2
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 3:24 AM

I would make my husband work out with me, and I would make time for a personal trainer to loose the weight I need too. If my husband was getting fat I would let him know to that we need to go to the gym because fatness is unhealthy and attractive, so I would understand if my husband said something like that to me, now would my feeling kind of be hurt YES but in the long run it truly is just him wanting you to be healthy.

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 6:24 AM
I mean don't be upset for him being honest. Then he will never tell you any thing honest again.

And he is correct ad we age it is harder to drop pounds. And midsecton weight is most dangerous. It proves there is an issue with sugars a d leads to heart disease. :(

Grab an iPod load it with upbeat music, make a work out routine and hit the gym, your kids and future should be your motivation. If my hubs had told me several times to drop weight of take him serious
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