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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Just need a little advice

Posted by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:59 AM
  • 31 Replies

O.K., back in September, I caught my husband cheating on me, it had been going on for a couple of months, I knew it was going on and he lied to me over and over when I asked him straight up if he was cheating. I put it a lot of different ways and the response was always "no". I knew because, he got really mean and treated me very poorly, plus, he had told me about the woman coming up to him at work and bothering him (yes, he works with her). Anyway, I always thought that if I caught him cheating, it would be over but, I couldn't let him go and, we agreed to work things out. He left a few times within the following weeks but, always came back and talked me into letting him stay. He has been back about three months now and we have been getting along, he isn't being mean, he comes home the same time every night, sex has gotten more frequent and better. 

My problem is, I'm having a hard time getting past the affair, especially since I know she is there the entire time when he is working. I've done really well about not snooping and staying away from his job but, the other night, I had to go there and see if anything was going on. When I pulled into the parking lot, her car was parked right next to his truck, which I find suspicious, but, he says that he gets there before her and, he can't help where she parks. He hasn't been doing anything weird like coming home late or leaving home and staying gone for hours and there haven't been any numbers on our phone bill and he texts me from time to timefrom work. My mother thinks I should just not bring her up anymore and try to trust that he's telling me the truth because, if he is still cheating, I will find out. She thinks he would start treating me the same way as before.

So, any thoughts?

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mineandme
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:44 AM
I know its extremely hard to get back to that trust point. However, if you decide to stay with him you will have to trust that he is telling you the truth and is not up to his own ways. Bringing her up and checking on her will not help you move on and stay in a good space instead it will keep you in the hurt and disappointed space you were in when you finally knew. Best of luck, hopefully he'll keep his word and work on your relationship instead of seeking another.
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lapcounter
by Gold Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 7:46 AM
Since he didn't come clean to you I would be gone he wouldn't still be around.
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LoraKuhn
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:05 AM
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Quoting lapcounter:

Since he didn't come clean to you I would be gone he wouldn't still be around.

You just dont know what you'll do until it happens to you, like I said, I always thought if he cheated, I was done but, we've been married 18 years and I love him so, I want to work out my marriage. We weren't getting along before he cheated, which still doesn't make it right but, that's how it was. We are getting along much better now and all I can do is hope he stays faithful. 


Mineandme, thanks. I know trust is a major part of a relationship but, it's tough. I know that going to his job is self destructive behavior too but, sometimes the pull is just too strong and, when none of my support people are around, I do stupid things. I'm working on trusting him.

MomOf2LilGirls
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM

I have to say I agree with her.  I mean no I don't know how I would react if I was put in this situtation but if you decided to stay you have to drop what happen and work on trusting what he says.  *Best of luck mama*

Quoting mineandme:

I know its extremely hard to get back to that trust point. However, if you decide to stay with him you will have to trust that he is telling you the truth and is not up to his own ways. Bringing her up and checking on her will not help you move on and stay in a good space instead it will keep you in the hurt and disappointed space you were in when you finally knew. Best of luck, hopefully he'll keep his word and work on your relationship instead of seeking another.


Momma3830
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM
It's very hard to regain that trust. I suggest counseling. (Relationship & individual)
It may help you both greatly. I've been through situations myself. If you need any more help or just someone to talk to PM me.
Sorry for what you're going through. :(
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givenshl
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:23 AM

 If you are going to continue your marriage with your Husband than you have to let it go. If not, you will only hinder yourself. As far as trust, I can't say much on that because I don't trust.

Good luck to You and Your Husband.

WinterRose12
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:25 AM

praying

for you and that something like that does not happen again.  Sit down if you can with your hubby and just ask him ... Is there a problem here with us ? If we can sit down and work this out then you should not have to cheat again ... either way I am praying for you both !!!

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:46 AM
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Affairs with a coworker that isn't going anywhere is one of my deal breakers. I could forgive a one night stand with a stranger that we'd never have to deal with again. If it's a A.)Family friend  B.) Family member C.)Co-worker, then that's it. In the case of the coworker either he quits, she quits, or thats it. 

LilMamaK
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:15 AM

 It's beyond hard... maybe some therapy would help.. I know when me and my DH went through something like this we got right into therapy. You have to come to a place were either you CAN accept things as they are and what has happened, or, you CAN'T. You have to pick what which one it is cause you're going to dry your self mad with all this thinking. ::HUGS::

*~*Wifey To Tommy(2.4.11), Mommy to Allyana(7.5.08), StepMom to Aidan(6.5.07), & Our Angel Baby Jovanny(3.6.10)*~*

lillie70
by New Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 10:24 AM
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It takes time to build the trust again. You love him and have decided your marriage is worth saving. Don't let this slut destroy your marriage. Your moms advice was great. Get on with your life, don't crowd him or stalk him, it will drive you crazy and destroy your marriage. If he's trying to regain your trust then you will have to give him a chance to prove himself. Healing takes time. "What's done in dark will come to the light", live your life and love your husband. :)
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