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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

After 12 years, got a dear Jane through email.

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My husband recently sent my an email from Bahrain saying that it was over between us and that we needed to figure out what to do with the kids.  This came as a complete shock to me because we were fine and two weeks prior he emailed me telling me I was his soulmate and he didn't know what he would do without me. Now this.  I've had a hard time dealing with this.  I've been crying on a daily basis since and I feel like I'm falling apart.  He spoke to me one time and that was forced and he told me that since we had our last child the housework has suffered, I don't cook enough, and our sex life sucked.  We have 3 children together and one I had from a previous relationship before we met.  I'm trying to be strong for the kids but I feel like I'm losing hope. I don't understand if he was having these feelings then why wouldnt' he bring them to me sooner, not wait six months in Bahrain and everythings like normal and then all of a sudden "Bam" It's over.

I contacted a chaplain for spiritual guidance and to have someone to talk to as I have no family and no friends here.  He told me to get his command information, which I don't have and why is that relevant anyway.  I'm falling apart here and contacting his command isn't going to help me right now.  I need to deal with this so that I can move on with my life becuae apparently he has already.  No emails, no calls, nothing.  He won't even talk to me about what bills need to be paid or how much money he's going to need over there.  He just takes whatever with no thought as to what I need to keep the household going.

The bottom line is that I reached out for help, councelling for myself, anything to make this blow lighter and I've gotten nothing.

I just don't know what to do anymore.....

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:48 PM
Replies (21-30):
sucker4myloves
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:10 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to contact his commanding officer because he can stop his ridiculous spending and make SURE that he takes care of his family. Most CO's will not stand for that cad like behavior. Hugs mama, I'm so sorry.

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psych_mom
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:11 AM

Get in touch with his command- they do not take these things lightly and will most likely make sure that there is support in place for you and the kids so that he can't take his pay check and things like that. They may also talk to him and find out what is going on because of the fact that he is in a combat zone. They may be worried that he is suffering from depression or things like that so they won't just ignore this.

anotherandree
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:18 AM
The reason is because of the things you mentioned in your post. His command will see to it that he pays child support and that you are not left high and dry.

Quoting purplejbird:

I think if the Chaplin told you to get the information about his commander, then you should do what you were advised to do. You did go to him/her for guidance and advice. 

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mmtosam06
by New Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:22 AM

I'm sorry mama

smurfbitebug
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this

 Getting his command info will help you much more than you think. Also, he's probably so ready to move on so suddenly because there is someone else. In which case, when you find out - which you will - you're going to need his command info handy anyways. Get it.

Ginnygurl97
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:27 AM
1 mom liked this
Where in VA are you? I'm an ex navy wife. We were stationed in VA Beach for 6 yrs. mine did this to me on one of his deployments. It was right after I had a miscarriage. :-( We tried everything when he got back, and he got of active duty and went to reservist and guard. Our son was 3 then. But he didn't want to lv the navy and blamed me for it. We divorced a year later. I'm so sorry you're going through this. But I know some people who help women in this situation if you are close enough to that area. There is sooooo much more I could share w you. Please PM if you'd like. You rant/rave/vent/scream WHATEVER you need.
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Hatred4none
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:37 AM

THIS!

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

#1. Don't bother contacting his command. They are not there to help YOU, and they won't do anything.

I'm also a military wife, my husband has been in the Navy for nearly 15 years and has been on multiple deployments ranging from two weeks to 9 months in length. And let me tell you, woman to woman, that there hasn't been one deployment that he has been on for more than 3 months that he hasn't pulled some shit on me and tried to either tell me it was over and we needed to end it. Not. One. Deployment. Especially the ones in the desert, those are absolutely the worst. I'm not trying to downplay it, or excuse it, but you have to take this with a grain of salt and realize that he isn't in his right mind at the moment and it's very possible he doesn't mean what he is saying. The last three times my husband has done this it has become so commonplace that I just roll my eyes and tell him to call me after he's had 8 hours of sleep and a full meal. It's not him talking, it's the stress. 

I've been in your shoes. I've walked MILES in those shoes. From one military wife to another, you need to calm down and relax. Don't try to contact him, don't get desperate, just sit back and let him come around and he likely will.


3xangel
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:47 AM
This. Sorry you're going through this. IMO, he's either cheating over there and thinks he's found the one or he's going through some kind of early midlife crisis.

Quoting purplejbird:

I think if the Chaplin told you to get the information about his commander, then you should do what you were advised to do. You did go to him/her for guidance and advice. 

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kblossom20
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:01 AM

I'm so sorry... I pray you two get things all figured out. (((Hugs))) 

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elijahXmom
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:24 AM

You said chaplin right? Is he military? If he is navy you should have a ship family support president and jag may be your biggest help now. You have been married 12 years so he can say good bye to 50% of his retirement too. But this is if he is military.

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