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After 12 years, got a dear Jane through email.

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My husband recently sent my an email from Bahrain saying that it was over between us and that we needed to figure out what to do with the kids.  This came as a complete shock to me because we were fine and two weeks prior he emailed me telling me I was his soulmate and he didn't know what he would do without me. Now this.  I've had a hard time dealing with this.  I've been crying on a daily basis since and I feel like I'm falling apart.  He spoke to me one time and that was forced and he told me that since we had our last child the housework has suffered, I don't cook enough, and our sex life sucked.  We have 3 children together and one I had from a previous relationship before we met.  I'm trying to be strong for the kids but I feel like I'm losing hope. I don't understand if he was having these feelings then why wouldnt' he bring them to me sooner, not wait six months in Bahrain and everythings like normal and then all of a sudden "Bam" It's over.

I contacted a chaplain for spiritual guidance and to have someone to talk to as I have no family and no friends here.  He told me to get his command information, which I don't have and why is that relevant anyway.  I'm falling apart here and contacting his command isn't going to help me right now.  I need to deal with this so that I can move on with my life becuae apparently he has already.  No emails, no calls, nothing.  He won't even talk to me about what bills need to be paid or how much money he's going to need over there.  He just takes whatever with no thought as to what I need to keep the household going.

The bottom line is that I reached out for help, councelling for myself, anything to make this blow lighter and I've gotten nothing.

I just don't know what to do anymore.....

by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 4:48 PM
Replies (41-50):
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:30 AM
Wow I'm so so sorry. Hugs! Sounds like you're better off!
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by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 10:07 AM
2 moms liked this
What a jerk... nothing I say will help. Just remember that he is the problem, not you. He's trying to blame you. Those aren't reasons you leave your wife. I suspect there's another woman. That's why he's avoiding you. He's acting like a teenager right now.
Talk to a lawyer.
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by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 10:13 AM

 Oh wow!! I feel so bad for you..... stay strong and thats very good that your getting help I hope things get better hugs! good luck!

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 10:59 AM

Quoting Elle.tea.22:

Quoting lazyd:

What you need to do first is since you guys have a joint account, i would hope that your husband's pay is directly deposited into your guys' account?  What you need to do is go to a bank and set up a separate account in your name only.  Monthly, bimonthly, weekly, whatever it takes - take money out of your joint account and transfer it into your new account.  Just take enough for you to be able to take care of the kids, the household bills & yourself.  If this than forces your husband to live off less, than he will be forced to contact you.  Usually where your husband is deployed they have food & lodging for the military, so he shouldnt need money for that.  If you can i would just leave a little bit of money in the joint account - if he has access to it overseas BUT you need the majority of the money to keep a roof over your childrens' heads.  Than contact your husband's command and tell them what is going on so they can see if your husband is depressed or not and give him the help he needs.  I would not file for divorce or separation yet, until you can see your husband face to face.  Maybe something tragic happened overseas & he hasnt talked about it yet, but he's pushing you guys away and maybe thats his way of dealing with things or maybe he has met someone else.  (I would hate for that to be the case).  Sorry your having to deal with this - deployment is hard enough as it is - but the lack of communication is worst.   

She can't just take money out even if it is for the kids because if I was her husband and I saw my spouse taking my money after I pretty much break up with her I would change my direct deposit to an other account. It only takes 10 minutes to set up a banking account with usaa. If she doesn't have a job and my income is what supports her and the kids nothing obligates me to give her my entire paycheck. I can give her the single/with dependents differential on bah (200 ish$) for rent etc, and proper child support. Her bills being her problem. Even shut off the utilities if they're in my name. That's how much I can do while deployed.

I agree. I know that if I had started taking money and hiding it in a seperate account he would have changed his direct deposit. From the sounds of it her husband isn't in that loving caring state of mind. This may just make things worse.

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Good Riddance.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 11:31 AM

Ummmm.... that is why you need his command information... you need to get the child support figured out, where you are going to go and how you are going to live.

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 11:38 AM

im sorry hugs

View Full Size Image YVONNE

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 11:48 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm hoping that the chaplain you mentioned is an army chaplain, and if he is, there is a reason an army chaplain would tell you to get his command information, so I suggest instead of whining that you don't know what good it would do, ASK!  and then take the damned advice and get the help you need!!

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you're not a child... quite the contrary, you're grown up enough to have 4 kids, and have been married 12 years, so I'm assuming you're at least well into your 20's, probably early-to-mid 30's, which means that you should know by now that no one is going to magically fix your problems for you, and you'll have to do it yourself, so do it...

you've handled being alone while your husband is away, you can handle being alone, now you know he isn't coming back.  You can!!  so don't even let your worrying go there... just worry about what you can fix or change... get spousal and child support in place ASAP!  (probably why you need the command information!) if you'll be needing to move, start looking, collecting boxes, and arranging what you need to accomplish that...  you can do it, Mama... as hard as it will be, you can do it.  for you, and especially for your kids... you can!!

good luck!

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:14 PM

so sorry dear. stay srong for your kids they need you.

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:23 PM

Sorry moma

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