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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I dont know what to do... DH drinks too much... Please HELP!

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:04 AM
  • 8 Replies

Hey- this is my first post but i have decided i need advice! sorry if i am rambling but i have a lot to say and need advice about it!

I have been married for two years but we have lived together for 5 years. We have been through very trying situations, such as drugs, homelessness, etc. together. We have been sober (from drugs) for about 3 years.  we have a 2 yo dd and i am expecting in July! My dh is an Alcoholic and he always has been. But now that we have a child(soon-to-be-children). I cant put up with it anymore. I have asked him to stop. only to get blamed for his drinking. I have told him its us or alcohol. only to realize i cant do it on my own. I have tried bargining with him saying if i get on antidepressant will you quit drinking for 5 days. only for his end of the deal never to be carried through. Nothing i do has helped. we are starting to get into more and more arguements (some infront of our dd, even tho i try not to). not to mention the added stress on our unborn.

He works 5-10 days and then is home for 3-5. He doesnt drink at work but he comes home with a 12pack or 5th in his hands. 75+% of the days he is home he is drunk. He says i need to get over his drinking because he is the one feeding our family. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I also want to add that when he is home and sober(rare occasion) he is a wonderful dad and husband. I just dont know if it worth the stress of the 'other times'

Please help me understand why or what to do? I am just lost and sad!

Thanks

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:04 AM
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Replies (1-8):
mandi0913
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:45 AM
1 mom liked this
Id leave him just to show him how serious I am. He probably thinks your not gonna really leave him or anything so why should he change. Show him your serious.
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amonkeymom
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 4:36 PM

Welcome to the group!  If your husband isn't ready to change, are you willing to make changes including leaving him?  Something to think about.... 

Quoting kellieelliebug:

Hey- this is my first post but i have decided i need advice! sorry if i am rambling but i have a lot to say and need advice about it!

I have been married for two years but we have lived together for 5 years. We have been through very trying situations, such as drugs, homelessness, etc. together. We have been sober (from drugs) for about 3 years.  we have a 2 yo dd and i am expecting in July! My dh is an Alcoholic and he always has been. But now that we have a child(soon-to-be-children). I cant put up with it anymore. I have asked him to stop. only to get blamed for his drinking. I have told him its us or alcohol. only to realize i cant do it on my own. I have tried bargining with him saying if i get on antidepressant will you quit drinking for 5 days. only for his end of the deal never to be carried through. Nothing i do has helped. we are starting to get into more and more arguements (some infront of our dd, even tho i try not to). not to mention the added stress on our unborn.

He works 5-10 days and then is home for 3-5. He doesnt drink at work but he comes home with a 12pack or 5th in his hands. 75+% of the days he is home he is drunk. He says i need to get over his drinking because he is the one feeding our family. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I also want to add that when he is home and sober(rare occasion) he is a wonderful dad and husband. I just dont know if it worth the stress of the 'other times'

Please help me understand why or what to do? I am just lost and sad!

Thanks


Titana
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 4:57 PM
Sadly I have to agree with the other posters here. If he knew u were serious would he act different? Something to think about there. Also, do u have somewhere u and ur lo can go for a few days just to show him u mean what u say?
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Teachandrun4
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 5:05 PM

What does his family say about his drinking?  Do you know if other family members drink as much?

You could also ask him to do things for you around the house on his days off and ask him to drink a little less each week.  Ask him to drink only three beers  a day.  Also get some information about the dangers of excessive drinking and leave it on the kitchen table.

Teachandrun4
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 5:08 PM

It is not benefical for spouses to threaten to leave unless they can and are willing to gamble that if you leave you can handle everything without support and in your mind you are prepared to abandon the relationship.  Just a thought!

 

i.heart.myboys
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:20 PM
I have no advice on this. I hope you can work it out
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moonshine41157
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:28 PM
Sadly I have the same problem with my husband. We have talked about it over and over again but he will never stop drinking. It is sad but he was raised by two alcoholics and it is the life he knows. He says he is working on it, but I concider drinking EVERY day a problem. It usually isnt just a beer after work. He is always good with our son, but I hate him being exposed to all of this. I have left him more than once because of it, and he changes for a little while, then is right back into it. I am hoping counceling will help, but I have my doubts. I am trying to stay positive, and I love my husband dearly, but if it comes down to my sons well being and him I will choose my son hands down.
ekh2010
by Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 12:53 AM
My husband drank frm 8- about a month ago...I feel for you. I'm also pregnant-congrats to you. He's blacked out more than I can count. He works hard and liked to party harder...I started treating him like a roomate and resenting him and documenting his stupidity...at first he didn't believe it. It took his daughter telling him he was out of control and me wanting nothing to do w him. Been a 45 days. He drinks odouls now admits its a struggle but mind over matter. Why does he drink? You aren't the answer its gonna be deep and shocking...hugs to you and I pray he gets his head out of his ass for you
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