My husband and I have been talking lately about becoming foster parents. We are praying about it and asking for as much advice as we can get. Are any of you moms foster moms? Can you give us some advice? We know a couple who were foster parents, they are actually my parents best friends and I ave asked her what she thought of it but she has had a hard time in general and told me it was emotionally draining and hard on the family. Its just me my husband and 1 wonderful baby thats almost 4 months old. I would like as much advice that I can get so I can show my husband others moms experiences. What are the Pros and cons? Do the pros outweigh the cons? Or do the cons outweigh the pros?
I think it depends on what age group you want to foster. My parents fostered teens and preteens. It was very hard on our family. We fostered girls. I was probably a preteen myself. I can't really remember. We had girls that we were afraid would kill us in our sleep. We had girls that were addicted to drugs. Girls that had been molested or raped. It was very hard on us. I will never be a foster parent. If I ever decided too then I still would not do it until after my children were grown and out of the house. A lot of foster children have been moved around so much and hurt so often that they carry a lot of anger and resentment. Especially the older ones.
Children need foster families. They need to be taken care of. I am not strong enough to do it. If you have children in your home then I would suggest that you either wait or only foster young kids. It is very emotionally draining on a family.
Thank you for everyones advice. The age group we were thinking of fostering would be 2 to 5 years of age. I would not foster teens or preteens until my children are out of the house because of those reasons. So what do you think of fostering 2 to 5 year olds?
My DH and I will be finishing up the process in 2 weeks. I can tell you that just the application process is a tedious one. (and rightfully so!) My DS is almost 13 and we have been approved for young children. (birth to 5) I think banana-bear is right in warning agaist it at this point becasue of the age of your baby.
There is a definatnt need! In Oklahoma, they are trying to recruit 100 new foster homes this year. There are 4.5 children per foster home in our state.
You can serve the foster children in other ways other than being foster parents. Check with your local DHS and other agencies in your area to find ways you can help. If you are interested, send me a message and I can get you links to a few that I know.
You have to understand that the kids coming to you aren't happy and well adjusted. Plus they are potentially going to be bounced from your house back to their home and on and on endlessly. They are emotionally distant and in need of a lot of understanding. I'm not sure that I would have the emotional strength to do it myself.
My husband and I took the classes and had the home visits for foster care. We were looking into adopting a boy we had saw on the website. We ended up not going through with it.
First of all, they honestly make it hard. Like, we were told any time we left the kids with anyone, we had to call the social worker and that person had to be finger printed and back ground checked. I wasn't willing to put my famiy through that. Secondly, the boy we were looking at was 14. Imagine he wanted to go spend the night at a friends house?
Secondly, there are so many ways you can not discipline the kids that it makes it almost impossible. I also have small kids and we discipline them in many ways (spanking, putting them on their knees, etc). None of those are acceptable.
Not to mention that we are just a busy family period. You have to take time for home visits, visits with parents where applicable. It just wasn't worth it for us at this point.
When you met your dh/so?
- Jessica0930
on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:44 AM