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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Foster Care?

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:44 AM
  • 9 Replies

My husband and I have been talking lately about becoming foster parents. We are praying about it and asking for as much advice as we can get. Are any of you moms foster moms? Can you give us some advice? We know a couple who were foster parents, they are actually my parents best friends and I ave asked her what she thought of it but she has had a hard time in general and told me it was emotionally draining and hard on the family. Its just me my husband and 1 wonderful baby thats almost 4 months old. I would like as much advice that I can get so I can show my husband others moms experiences. What are the Pros and cons? Do the pros outweigh the cons? Or do the cons outweigh the pros?

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:44 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Sammie0402
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:47 AM
I'm not sure but I'll tell you one thing, I was a foster child. Luckily I was with the same family my whole life and not bounced around. If it weren't for them I'd be dead. Literally because of the condition my mom left me in (locked in a closet) while she was in prison. Foster parents are Angels and if you do it for the right reasons you will change lives. But you have to put your whole heart into it. And e prepared to be heart broken because just as soon as those kids come, they leave.
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bunnywzrd
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:56 AM

I think it depends on what age group you want to foster. My parents fostered teens and preteens. It was  very hard on our family. We fostered girls.  I was probably a preteen myself. I can't really remember. We had girls that we were afraid would kill us in our sleep. We had girls that were addicted to drugs. Girls that had been molested or raped. It was very hard on us. I will never be a foster parent. If I ever decided too then I still would not do it until after my children were grown and out of the house. A lot of foster children have been moved around so much and hurt so often that they carry a lot of anger and resentment. Especially the older ones.

Children need foster families. They need to be taken care of. I am not strong enough to do it. If you have children in your home then I would suggest that you either wait or only foster young kids. It is very emotionally draining on a family.

i.heart.myboys
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:30 AM
There is a group on here that is for adoptive parents but also houses a few foster parents as well. Or those who did it before adoption. We are going to be doing it in the next week years. We are adding onto our house in the next 5 years and when we do then we will be able to do it. Or maybe even before. I have a friend here who has done it and can't wait!
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banana-bear
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:33 AM
As a former foster child, I would recommend you NOT do it because of your baby. So many kids have serious issues and I'd hate for your baby to become a victim.
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Jessica0930
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:50 AM

Thank you for everyones advice. The age group we were thinking of fostering would be 2 to 5 years of age. I would not foster teens or preteens until my children are out of the house because of those reasons. So what do you think of fostering 2 to 5 year olds?

purplejbird
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:57 AM

My DH and I will be finishing up the process in 2 weeks. I can tell you that just the application process is a tedious one. (and rightfully so!) My DS is almost 13 and we have been approved for young children. (birth to 5) I think banana-bear is right in warning agaist it at this point becasue of the age of your baby. 

There is a definatnt need! In Oklahoma, they are trying to recruit 100 new foster homes this year. There are 4.5 children per foster home in our state. 

You can serve the foster children in other ways other than being foster parents. Check with your local DHS and other agencies in your area to find ways you can help. If you are interested, send me a message and I can get you links to a few that I know. 

furbabymum
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:33 PM

 You have to understand that the kids coming to you aren't happy and well adjusted. Plus they are potentially going to be bounced from your house back to their home and on and on endlessly. They are emotionally distant and in need of a lot of understanding. I'm not sure that I would have the emotional strength to do it myself.

countrymomma81
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 5:12 PM

My husband and I took the classes and had the home visits for foster care. We were looking into adopting a boy we had saw on the website. We ended up not going through with it. 

First of all, they honestly make it hard. Like, we were told any time we left the kids with anyone, we had to call the social worker and that person had to be finger printed and back ground checked. I wasn't willing to put my famiy through that. Secondly, the boy we were looking at was 14. Imagine he wanted to go spend the night at a friends house?

Secondly, there are so many ways you can not discipline the kids that it makes it almost impossible. I also have small kids and we discipline them in many ways (spanking, putting them on their knees, etc). None of those are acceptable. 

Not to mention that we are just a busy family period. You have to take time for home visits, visits with parents where applicable. It just wasn't worth it for us at this point. 

rocknmom85
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 11:30 PM
I have thought about it to but am worried it would be too hard on our family. Im interested to see the replys here.
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