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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Do you say "I love you" to your partner or spouse?

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:47 AM
  • 226 Replies

Is Saying 'I Love You' Important in a Good Marriage?

Posted by Kristen Chase on December 4, 2012 

Saying i Love You in your marriage is importantI can't remember the last time my husband said, "I love you." We used to say it to each other at the end of phone conversations. But then our relationship got pretty strained and "I love you" got replaced with "Okay, bye."

Or a hang-up. Ugh.

To be fair, we never said those three words a lot, even when our relationship was good, but I often wonder at what point do we start staying it again, and if it's really necessary to hear in order to have a solid relationship and marriage.

I guess when you grow up in a home where you never hear "I love you," it sort of makes sense why it's not the most comfortable thing for you to say. My dad really never said it to me, and while my mom used to, our relationship is on the rocks right now. And I'm pretty sure my husband's parents rarely told him they loved him, and certainly don't now.

As our therapist pointed out, all that gets translated to our own relationship, and so while we obviously engage in loving acts, for the most part, we don't actually say those words to each other. We sort of fell out of love.

But I'm not sure at what point you feel like you're in love again enough to say "I love you." Is it a lightning strike? A feeling of overwhelming joy?

I'd like to think that I'm the kind of person who believes actions speak much louder than words. So even if I'm not hearing "I love you" from my husband, if he does something thoughtful, like bring home flowers or take all the kids out to the playground so I can have a bit of quiet, he is showing me what he's not saying.

I still haven't quite wrapped my mind around cleaning my car as an act of love, but I'm trying, really I am.

But lately I've been feeling like I need to hear it too. I want to know that I'm his "one and only" and that he really does care about me to the point where he wants me to know, not just in what he does but in what he says.

The truth is, I don't say it either and I haven't in a long time. Perhaps like him, I'm easing myself back into it by showing him with my actions. Or maybe it's because I'm not yet at the point of my wounds being healed. Because when I say "I love you," I really want to mean it. And I'm not sure if I can say that right now.

Do you say "I love you" to your partner or spouse?

by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Dominosmommy
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:56 AM
4 moms liked this
Every morning before I leave I wake him up just to say "I love you, bye" and kiss him. Then I leave. There are lots of "I love you's" flying around this house because we DO love each other. For no reason at all he will hold me and tell me he loves me. I like to hear it and it is important to me. His actions speak louder than his words but the words are loud too. I guess it kind of makes his actions resignate in my brain so I am not thinking he is doing something because he is afraid my brother will kick his a-s-s if he doesn't. Lol.
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Babujai
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:57 AM
2 moms liked this

Several times every day.

MrsRi
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:58 AM
4 moms liked this

Yes, and not out of habit (like leaving or something) but because there are times I just look at him and remember how much I love him and make sure I tell him that. 

thecoffeefairy
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:02 PM
3 moms liked this
I say I love you several times a day, to my husband and kids. People need to hear it and feel it. The best way to feel love, is to freely and unconditionally give it. How you feel is your choice. I choose to focus on the good my family does. I am much more than the product of a sucky upbringing. It's not easy to change a mindset but its well worth the effort.
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Mommydukk
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:09 PM

I am with you on this. We love each other but we are not "in love" I guess and maybe that is why we don't say it. We don't eveb show much affection either. Guess it takes too much time to give each other a REAL kiss goodbye or hello!

Beautiful31mom
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:09 PM

All the time.

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:10 PM

 We say I love you several times a day.

hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:18 PM
2 moms liked this
We say it six to ten times a day, over text constantly through the evening and first and last thing said everyday.

I feel our children should see our true connection through our words and behavior toward each other.
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frzmamaof4
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Dh and I say it several times a day, we never go a day without saying it:-)
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Kbkjcisneros
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 12:42 PM
7 moms liked this
My grandfather stopped by on a Friday in march of 96, and we got into a stupid argument over my brother and class. He was mad at me and left. On Monday evening my mom got a call saying a neighbor found him and he had passed. I married my bf of 3 years that July. I never let a day pass that I don't tell my mom, brother, husband or children that I Love them. In this world things are never certain.
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