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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Pregnant and need advice.....

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:24 AM
  • 11 Replies

My fiance and I have been together for two years now and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with our first child together. I am a stay at home mom to his three children and my own two kids (had to quit work due to being high risk). I get no breaks and no help from him. This isn't my frist rodeo (been married before) so when I ask for help, he flips and says "Well, I make the money". I cook, clean, be sure all kids' appointments are made, run errands, etc. I get no help!! I need a break and feel like the walls are closing in. I asked for a date night; JUST ONE for next weekend when I was finally able to get a grandparent to take all of the kids for a night. He refused and said he is going to a friend's house to work on his truck. Ouch. I want some time alone before our baby arrives but he's not seeing that. What can I do to make him realize I'm exhausted and need time away from the kids and this little house?? 

by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TommyAbby
by Melissa on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:35 AM

WOW. How old is he? And why did his wife/SO get rid of him? He sounds like a charmer. LOL

Seriously though, you got engaged to this man. Had he been like this the entire time you were dating? Is this something new? Would he be willing to go to counseling???

terrda13
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:57 AM

Well, his ex left because she cheated and thought drugs were more important than her kids. I have been going through the court battles with him. He is a very hard working, loving man when he WANTS to be. Other than that, I can tell his mother babied him. Hell, he was in the military and I thought he'd be more independent but he's not. He's a big man-child at times. He works nights to support us and just took up a side job so I decided to do more around the house to make it a little easier on him but I think it backfired and he's use to me pretty much wiping his butt. I take care of 5 kids on my own and all he does is pay for them to survive. I am so overly tired, I keep snapping on everyone and I feel horrible for it. I had to beg for him to watch them last night just so I could take a bath and relax. So I decided to ask for a date night and he said NO. I mean, one date in almost two years isn't much to ask!! We are currently in counseling but he sees me as being "needy" because I'm pregnant. Um, no, that's not the reason at all. I just don't know how to make him see where I'm coming from. I've even thought about leaving him alone with the kids for a day to see how he'd cope so he can see where I'm coming from LOL 

mrsfitz05
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:58 AM
1 mom liked this

So you weren't even asking for a night out with yur girlfriends, you were asking for a night out with HIM and he refused? Something is seriously wrong with this picture.

Why did his relationship with the children's mother(s) end? 

You haven't even had his child nor have you married him and he's already treating you like this? I will tell you the same thing I told my sister at this point: You are not even "his" at this point. You are in no way obligated to him now. The baby isn't born and you haven't legally married him yet. He should still be trying to woo and win you. THIS is best you are ever going to get from him. Are you ready to accept that?

jlc26
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:04 PM

Wow! Your husband reminds me of my own. I never get a break either. The only thing I can think of is for you to talk to him. If that doesnt' work then you will have to consider the fact that things aren't going to get better or change. I'm at the point in my marraige that I know things wont change. I have to cook, clean, take care of the kids, and all my husband does is work 4 to 6 hours shifts and then he comes home and does nothing. My life is better now than it was sorry to say. I was living with my parents with my daugther going from one guy to another. I had to get married cause I needed a babysitter and got tired of living with my parents. I needed help. I couldn't make it on my own....I tried and couldn't find a job that paid enough.

onehotmama0910
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:05 PM
1 mom liked this

i had the problem with my bf he wouldn't have anything to do with my two boys i told him flat out that he need to help out with the boys or i was leaving him and cause he didn't want to lose me he started helping me out with them after he got of work. and the way he is treating you is bullshit he needs to grow up and be a man he may bring home the money but he needs to treat you like his queen not his slave sorry to be so harsh but i think it is bullshit good luck hun 

terrda13
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this

No, I wasn't asking for a night out with friends. I want time alone with HIM because I know he needs a break too. His ex was kicked out of his house because she was doing drugs around the kids. She then came to the house, took them and kept them in a meth house. None of that was his fault. She's a real piece of work. We now have custody of them and they are safe and happy with us but ever since he started working non-stop, he's changed. I know he's wore out. And no, I'm not trying to make excuses for him (trust me, I am a mega bitch when the need arrives LOL I run the house). But, he thinks we still have so much more time until our daughter arrives but honestly, no we don't. I want a date NOW. I think I will have to give him an ultimatum because I am not going to be his maid. He needs to realize he wouldn't even have his kids if it wasn't for me being here taking care of them. Thank you ladies.....I really appreciate the advice.

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Dec. 9, 2012 at 12:21 PM

I am sorry, but that is the absolute worst reason I have ever heard for getting married.. No love, No nothing other than you wanted a babysitter?? You must have severe self esteem issues to settle for this type of life :(

Quoting jlc26:

Wow! Your husband reminds me of my own. I never get a break either. The only thing I can think of is for you to talk to him. If that doesnt' work then you will have to consider the fact that things aren't going to get better or change. I'm at the point in my marraige that I know things wont change. I have to cook, clean, take care of the kids, and all my husband does is work 4 to 6 hours shifts and then he comes home and does nothing. My life is better now than it was sorry to say. I was living with my parents with my daugther going from one guy to another. I had to get married cause I needed a babysitter and got tired of living with my parents. I needed help. I couldn't make it on my own....I tried and couldn't find a job that paid enough.


Krysden
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:20 PM

Come right out and say "I'm exhausted and need some time away from the kids and this little house"  Ok so maybe not exactly like that but you get the idea.   Do what you can to be sure he sees it as a need and not just a want or a whim.  Sorry I don't have better advice.  Good Luck.

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:09 PM

If he is like this now, he isn't going to change once the baby is here. You guys have 5 kids in the house, I understand the frustration. I have six ages 8 and under so I understand the hetic days. If you can't make him realise now that he also needs to give a hand around the house,  or atleast give you a break here and there, things aren't going to change once your married and the baby is here. 

My guy can be a complete child when it comes to housework. But he is great with throwing dinner together if need be (sometimes I can't stand the smell of meat). He will change the baby, help the others with baths and homework and such. He will clean on occasion although to him clean is a random pickup lol. 

MomRocs1102
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:45 PM

Sad man

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