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connecting with my husband

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:46 PM
  • 5 Replies

i find it extremely difficult to connect with my husband on a emotional/mental level. we have had problems in our relationship and decided to work on things..and i feel like im doing my best to work on things and he barely tries. i have tried to sit down with him and talk about the problems in our relationship and set things in place for each other to more forward and he refuses to talk to me. everythime i bring something up or try to have a sit down with him or express my feelings he rolls his eyes huffs and puffs and has an annoyed face on. i used to yell when i would talk to him but now im working on the way i speak and actually trying to have a serious conversation... we are not connecting the way i would like and i just feel an emptyness inside and he just doesnt get it. please help!!! any advice would be great or any ladies going through the same thing. this really puts a damper on my mood on a regualr basis because it just feels like we arent on the same level.

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:46 PM
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by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:40 PM

 Counseling. Marriage counseling! It's pretty darn magnificient when you find the right counselor. I'm been there. My DH started avoiding me because, "the only conversations you want to have are serious ones." Now I can tell him, "I need to talk about something when you have time." and then I can say what I need in a non-offensive way that we both understand.

Might help if you try to connect doing something he enjoys. I'm pretty lucky because my DH is a forensic toxicologist and I work for a criminal defense attorney. Together we can have some pretty darn interesting conversations about drugs and alcohol.

I also learned how to play Halo like really well. ;)

He compromised by letting me buy horses and tolerating the $$$ that bled out of us. lol

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:46 PM

 I agree with Furbabymum. Marriage counseling. It did wonders for us!  We had a wonderful counselor. It was great having a neutral party to listen to each side. 

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:48 PM
Maybe marriage counseling. But thats if he is willing. Have you asked why he huff and puffs while your expressing yourself? In order for your marriage to work you both have work hard it. Not just you...
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 1:53 PM

yeah we have done that we may need to find a better counsler i dont know if that way the problem.

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 2:10 PM
Do you ever talk about anything positive? My husband and I make huge deals about intimacy. Not sex, intimacy . Huge hello kisses, deep , no pecks. We've banned pecks. I'll block him in the hallway with a hug and we giggle when the kids pile into the hug.
We are going through a rough patch but those intimate moments of affection with fewer table talks are amazing band aids.

Idk what issues ya'll are having , but to him.... A counseling session about the marriage every other nite, facilitated by you puts him in a child role and not your partner.

I'm not a professional, by any means, but my experience has been that eye contact and physical touching will tell you more than any "I feel" conversation. More smiles on your part may produce more smiles on his part, more of a loving feeling toward you creating less of what he feels is a hostile rnvironment, possibly opening up that verbal communication you want.
With men, it's body language they can't control. If he flinches , for instance , when you touch him... Talking time is over .... It's time to move on, IMO .
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