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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

When there is nothing else to do... LONG BUT PLEASE HELP

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:49 AM
  • 25 Replies
I need advice on separating/divorce. Me and my husband have been together 8 years married for 2, and have two kids together. We have had a rough couple of years. He got accused of cheating on me and we separated. we got back together and tried to make things work. I tried to regain trust in him and move on. But it just kept popping back up. This woman kept coming back into our marriage. He claims she is only a friend and that nothing is going on between them bit I think otherwise. For one he never told me about this woman and he would always discuss co workers with me but never her. Then we got cellphones and all was good for awhile. Then one day he deleted his call log and I asked him why. he said he didn't maybe our 4 year old did. Ok my son can unlock his phone and play games even download some but he can't delete shit. So I found out how to look up call logs online and found a number I didn't know and sure enough who was it her. Now at this time he has been hanging out with my "little brother" (moms gfs son lol sry its confusing). Well I confronted him and he said that they were trying to hook up her daughter and my Lb. Ok I called bullshit and fought him for an answer and that's all he would say. So once again I put my trust in him trying to be a good wife and keep my marriage together. Well one day my LB sent a picture to ny hubbys phone I just so happen to have it playing music on it. and when I look at the picture its of a lighter that says I love my girlfriend but my wife hates her. Yet again I go off and tell him enough is enough. Tell me the truth or I'm walking. He continues to say its nothing. I text my LB front his phone and say what is that supposed to mean he says I sent that to the wrong person. Bullshit I mean is it just a coincidence that we have having this issue and he was used as an excuse for him to talk to her? Well that pretty such set shit off. Things just got worse from there. my husbands attitude changed and he started treating me like shit. We have been separated for several weeks now and I feel like this time it is for good. He obviously can't let this woman go but yet he insists he's not sleeping with her and loves me wants me etc. I want a divorce but I go back and forth with how I feel sometimes. I know all the pieces fit. He's cheating but I still have hope for us. Am I dumb? I hate that I feel this way but I debt want to look back and jay did I try 100% to save ny marriage? I'm a confused mess...
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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
USMCwife0530
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:09 AM
Sounds like a big ol mess. I'd get a divorce.
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Mommyto2127
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:13 AM
It is but is it normal to feel like this? Back and Forth? Its like I love him and want things to be better but I don't see them changing. But at the same time I am physically sick because I miss him. How do I make that pain go away?

Quoting USMCwife0530:

Sounds like a big ol mess. I'd get a divorce.
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USMCwife0530
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:27 AM

I guess it's normal but it doesn't sound like you trust him. How can you be married to someone you don't trust? If you & dh want to work on your marriage, then I suggest marriage counseling.

heartslove09
by Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:31 AM
It really sounds like he has feelings for her so i would get a divorce
AnGLInterrupted
by Kendall on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:41 AM

Have you spoken with her personally??  Have you talked about maybe getting counseling?  I'm sorry that you're going through this.

tihone77
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:14 AM

I think it's normal to be so back and forth.  You're torn between knowing it's probably over and wanting your marriage to work out.  The only way I see it working is if he cuts her out of his life.  If he's unwilling to then I think you have your answer.  I'm sorry.  The only advice I have is to make the separation legal so he can't rack up debt under your name. 

MagicTemptation
by Christina on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:19 AM

My first thought would be to confront her and him. Second thought, counseling. 

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Dec. 11, 2012 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this

Am I the only one who thinks the OP is seriously over-reacting?

It sounds like you are seriously insecure OP. Do you have proof that he has ever been unfaithful to you, other than the situations revolving around this girl? Is there another reason you don't trust him? Or is this all your own insecurity and lack of self esteem.

I think a lot of women punish their partners because they don't feel good enough within themselves.

mrsfitz05
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:30 PM

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you have any hard evidence that he's actually cheating on you here. Now, from just your side of things, yes it sounds like the relationship might have crossed into the "too close" area. But he is he disappearing wihtout explanation? Suddenly working longer or at times that don't make sense? Spending money strangely?

Have you asked him to cut off  or reduce contact with her? What is his response?

I do agree with PP that some of this might have some to do with insecurities, BUT I also consider the marriage relationship to be the most important and if one partner is uncomfortable with an opposite sex friendship in most cases the friendship should be ended.

jenC1978
by Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:42 PM

It would be too  much drama for me.  I wouldn't want to waste my energy wondering all of the time what my husband is up to.  And you said he has been treating you like shit.  I don't really see a reason to stay at this point.  If I were you I would stay separted and try to move on with my life.  Give yourself some time to be alone without him and clear your head.

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