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It's fizzling out....plz help

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:16 PM
  • 6 Replies
So....first time post..lil weird but I really need advice. I have been w/ hubby for 9 years..married for five. He is an amazing person and wonderful father..however the connection is starting to fade for both of us. I find myself wondering what it would be like without him and what bothers me is that I'm not afraid of it. I love him very very much...but I'm starting to wonder about the "in love" factor. I have try tried to rekindle things and tried to plan something and I got shot down and honestly after that..I told myself...why bother?? I'm worried because I feel as if our path together is starting to fork and we are going separate ways. I want other things and he wants everything to stay the same....that theory isn't working. Anything would help...thanks
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by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:16 PM
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Replies (1-6):
MagicTemptation
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:24 PM

I am sorry. I think it is natural for many relationships to go through this at some point. Did he know your intentions when you tried to rekindle things? Do you guys do any type of date nights to get to just focus on each other? Maybe take a trip down memory lane and reenact something from your earlier years with him? 

What type of other things are you wanting?

unsuspected
by Gold Member on Dec. 12, 2012 at 1:47 PM

Remember why you married him.  Remember your vows.  If something is broken or breakING, FIX it, FIX it FIX it!  

Unless he is abusive or cheating you have to FIX this.

I hate the I love him but I'm not IN love with him cop out.  Your cross road you feel you are facing is 'stay the same' or 'dig in deeper' ... it shouldn't even be a thought about what life would be without him.  Dig in Deeper!  

Surprise him, do something unexpected, write hima note, pack his lunch, remember the way he used to look at you when you were dating and smile at him now, think of one thing you LOVE about him every day and tell him, do something nice  for yourself, chances are you could be in a rut right now completely on you own and it has nothing to with him, change YOUR mindset :decide to be happy and WORK at it.  Be thankful, be grateful.  Cut yourself and him some slack because he's not perfect and neither are you.

Marriage isn't always happily ever after sunshine and roses, there are times when it's really just two people deciding that they are better facing the world together than alone, sometimes it's the decision to stand by your commitment you've made and follow through in action what you pledged in words "for better of for worse."  If it feels like a 'worse' right now, WORK to make it better.  


“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ~Bob Marley
jango76
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 2:58 PM
Do we have date nights? Not really...our parents are gone..and his family lives pretty far. As far as intentions...absolutely! I told him about the whole plan so we could plan accordingly. He told me that we had bills to pay even though we had everything completely caught up. Honestly..i think he is scared to take chances...at least that is what I'm beginning to think
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jango76
by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 3:03 PM
I never said I was giving up...I said it was fizzling out. As far as little things....I do those things..bring up memories...leave little notes everywhere. As far as the rut....nope...I got myself out of one by getting out of the house...getting into school and having a life outside of SAHM. I love the thought of romance so I do things to keep it. However...when you don't get a response...it's a little one sided.
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divinemomma
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 10:27 AM

Its normal to feel this way at some points in a marriage. It is a lot of work to maintain a happy marriage. Love is not just a feeling, but an action word. I know it must be disppointing when DH does not respond to your initiative. Have you took the time to sit him down and have a heart to heart. Tell him exactly what you told us in this post?

Dqnana
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:39 PM

Well ... "love" is a decision ... NOT an emotion.  The tingly, "in-love" feeling simply cannot be sustained forever.  Kids and work and life in general can really take a toll on things.  Sounds like it is time for you and your husband to make an appointment (really ... he needs to commit to a time for some serious discussion!) to talk about the path you are on.  Once he can feel safe in the fact that all you want to do is hear his thoughts, and not accuse him of being a disappointment to you in some way, he may surprise you.  You may not be all that far apart in the things you want out of your relationship.  Tell him all the ways that he DOES float your boat ... that he IS an amazing father and person ... and get him comfortable talking.  Men generally don't want to talk "relationship stuff", and they generally don't like to change the status quo.  You just have to begin by making things less scary and telling them all the things they are doing RIGHT.  If you think that the reasons that you were both attracted to one another are still there and that you are better together than apart ... TELL him.  And then work on it.

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