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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My Marriage is failing...sorry if its long...needing advice and someone to talk to

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Ok so let me start off by saying that I am sorry if this is long.  In just a few days I will have been married for a year, and like most young marriages I am afraid that mine is failing.  I dread coming home from work and I am not happy.  I am the only one in my house hold that has a job and I work 40 hours a week, my husband sits at home and plays his xbox all day long.  He does get disability but that doesnt even cover his child support.  I am always stressed from trying to make sure that all of our bills are going to be paid and that we have enough food and gas to make it from pay check to pay check.  I am always so stressed and scared that I just dont know how to deal with my life.  It hasnt always been like this, only in the last few months has it gotten this bad.  My husband is always acting like its my fault and that I am not doing enough for the family and that I bitch to much but what he doesnt understand is im tired i need time to rest to just relax but I never ger any of that.  From the time that I get off of work until I go to bed I night all I hear about is how bored he is and how that he doesnt have a car, and on top of that I have to listen to his video game all night.  He will sit on his game for hours and talk to his friends and just egnore me.  I dont ever have a chance to sit down and watch tv or anything.  I am stuck using my computer all the time.  I have no friends nobody to talk to nothing, when I graduated high school I lost all of that.  So since i have no one to talk to I have to keep everything to myself and its just breaking me.  I just dont know whta to do in my life.  I feel like just giving up.  I just wish I had help or someone tell me what to do to save my marriage.

by on Dec. 14, 2012 at 9:37 PM
Replies (11-20):
JeremysMom
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 8:45 AM
2 moms liked this
I am going to disagree with some of the advice given. Don't go back to school just for the sake of going back. If this is something that you want to do, then by all means do it. It sounds like going back to school at this moment will put even more stress on you. If your husband can play video games all day, then he has the ability to get a job. I encourage you to find a hobby or something to help you releive some stress. Meetup.com is a good source for finding groups of people with similar hobbies/interests. Lastly, and most importantly, you both need marriage counseling. If he will not go, then you need to go.
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4reel
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 11:11 AM

Try to talk WITH your husband and be honest about what you are feeling.  If he does not care then your marraige will fail.....it takes two.  Sounds like he had baggage from the start.  You can do bad all by yourself.  Find some friends to hang out with every now and then ....a girls night out is always good.  You are young....have some fun.  Good luck

Dqnana
by Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Sweetie ... it doesn't sound like you have a mariage.  You are sharing a house with a child. He was happy to "play" at being a grownup for a bit ... but that got too scary when the real responsibility of bills and routine and work sank in.  There are things you can do.  Look online for some websites that offer help for fostering communication in a marriage ... Rules for Fair Fighting ... and encourage him to actually live up to his potential as a man in a marriage and as a father to the offspring he helped create.  He needs to step up ... or you need to step out.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Dec. 15, 2012 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't understand why so many of you really young girls decided it was a good idea to get married. You all have the same complaints. Did you think it would be roses and sunshine? Love alone isn't enough to keep a marriage together, not even that teenage-style, desperate ,"I'll die without you" kind of love. 

Being an adult, quite frankly, sucks. Being in an adult relationship takes a lot of hard work. 

Snapdragon88
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2012 at 1:01 PM
He sounds depressed to me. Have you sat down with him and really tried to communicate? You need to let him know exactly how you feel and exactly what he could do to make things better. And hopefully he will understand and make an effort if he doesn't want a divorce.
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KyrinM
by on Dec. 15, 2012 at 2:50 PM
2 moms liked this

Okay, to those of you who keep saying she should go back to school.  For one, what part of she is the only breadwinner here, didn't you get?  Two, I have a Bachelor's degree, in the 10 years I have held this piece of paper, it has not helped my career in any way, shape or form.  What it has done is provide me a nice huge student loan that doesn't accept enemployment as an excuse for not paying, they call me daily, daily people! It has also put me in the "overqualified" box for every job available in my area to the point where my only hope to get a new job is likely going to be because I take the BS degree OFF my resume', yep off of it.  Sad huh, when having an education is a bad thing, but there it is.  Another thing, if she is stressed this much just from working 40 a week & taking care of him, how do you think she will do if you pile classes & homework on top of the stack?  Please stop & think before you just throw out more or less useless advice.  Seriously, the last thing she needs right now is to figure out how to add school to this mess.  Oy!


antaylor1993
by on Dec. 17, 2012 at 12:08 PM

well thats what i thought to cause he draws ssi but they have been since he started drawing and we will find more out in february.  I cant go back to school because I cant afford it.

antaylor1993
by on Dec. 17, 2012 at 12:09 PM


Quoting TommyAbby:

wow.. sounds like he is super depressed. Why is he disabled so young? 

If he isn't willing to get help, it may be time to step back from this and decide if this is the life you want to have. 

he has no hearing in one ear and very little in his other


antaylor1993
by on Dec. 17, 2012 at 12:12 PM


Quoting KyrinM:

My advice, unplug the Xbox when you get home.  He has all day to play it, when you are home it is time to be with you.  Sounds like you two spend no time together.  This is important if you want things to work.  You need to sit down with him & let him know that he needs to help support you emotionally, especially since he can't financially.  Tell him how you feel about being the only one taking responsibility for bills, etc.  It sounds like you two need to spend time together reconnecting.  Things aren't great for us financially either, but we are there for each other, we don't shut each other out & we take time to be together, even if it is just snuggling in front of the tv.  Seems to me your husband is shutting you out by playing the Xbox & hanging with his buddies through it.  He can do that while you are at work, there is no excuse not to be spending time with you helping to make dinner, watching tv with you & just over all talking to you when you are home.  Remind him that this is not a one sided relationship & you are not in this to be in the grown up role while he gets to be the carefree teenager, you are his partner, which means he has one end to hold up too.  He needs to help keep the house clean, assist with meals when you are home, share the damn tv, & spend time with you. Good luck.  You also need to get him out of the house at least once a week, even if it is just grocery shopping.  It is hard to be stuck at home all the time.


i have tried all of that but nothing works he just s more mad and nplugs it back in....no matter how hard i try he just ejnores me and when i try to get him to go anywhere he says no and that he dont want to go anywhere with me

stephiic
by on Dec. 17, 2012 at 12:16 PM
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