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Apparently I've been slacking in the "Affection Department"

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:49 AM
  • 3 Replies

DH and I spend most of our evenings in different rooms.  We're not mad at each other or anything, we just each have our own areas with our own TVs where we watch different shows.  Lately, I've been falling asleep in my recliner in front of the TV, then I wake up and go to bed.  DH complained last night that I never come to get him to come to bed anymore.  I used to wake up, go downstairs and wake him up if he'd fallen asleep on the couch and tell him it was time for bed, then we'd go to bed together.  I don't know why I stopped, I just stopped thinking about it.  He on the other hand, always gets me out of my recliner on his way to bed.

I've never been an overly affectionate person so thinking of ways to show my feelings doesn't come easily to me.  Any suggestions?

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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 11:49 AM
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Replies (1-3):
Bertieb
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

This was my life until DH had an affair and we divorced. I didn't know anything was wrong and didn't really think about it. I just thought I liked my shows and he liked what he was doing. We sort of ended up being friends instead of lovers I guess for the most part, but I didn't think it was going to destroy our marriage. I didn't stop to think men need more affection, bragging, ego boosting and just attention than we have time to consider in our days of being working wife, mom, housekeeper, etc. I just thought the way we lived is how marriage evolves after 24 years. Yours might be different, but maybe you should consider this arrangement may be more comfortable and acceptable to  you than him.

I have a new husband now and I've watched more football in the last year than my entire life put together before. I DVR the shows I want to watch, and watch them when he is not home. If I just can't take that much football I play with my phone while I sit with him. We have found shows we enjoy together too, and he will watch some I want to watch too, so it isn't like I'm the only one making sacrifices.

He has created more affection from me than I was used too before. He holds my hand in the car, grabs it when we are walking and he gives me random hugs while I'm cooking or working in the house. Now I try to do that more too. This time around we have an attitude of how to please the other person. We also text or check in on the phone most days at some point while we are at work. Christmas is a great time to maybe start something new like getting some massage oil and start doing each other's back once a week before bed. Everybody benefits from the massage plus being together and showing you care! I'm sure you can think of things that will work for you, just stay with it and don't be shy about telling him you want to do better!

i.heart.myboys
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:34 PM
I wish you good luck
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Babujai
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 1:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I've been making an effort to spend more time and be more affectionate since reading your reply and it's incredible the difference it's made in such a short space of time.  I didn't really think our marriage was in trouble, but I don't think I realized how much better what we have could be with a little more effort on my part.  Thanks for opening my eyes. 

Quoting Bertieb:

This was my life until DH had an affair and we divorced. I didn't know anything was wrong and didn't really think about it. I just thought I liked my shows and he liked what he was doing. We sort of ended up being friends instead of lovers I guess for the most part, but I didn't think it was going to destroy our marriage. I didn't stop to think men need more affection, bragging, ego boosting and just attention than we have time to consider in our days of being working wife, mom, housekeeper, etc. I just thought the way we lived is how marriage evolves after 24 years. Yours might be different, but maybe you should consider this arrangement may be more comfortable and acceptable to  you than him.

I have a new husband now and I've watched more football in the last year than my entire life put together before. I DVR the shows I want to watch, and watch them when he is not home. If I just can't take that much football I play with my phone while I sit with him. We have found shows we enjoy together too, and he will watch some I want to watch too, so it isn't like I'm the only one making sacrifices.

He has created more affection from me than I was used too before. He holds my hand in the car, grabs it when we are walking and he gives me random hugs while I'm cooking or working in the house. Now I try to do that more too. This time around we have an attitude of how to please the other person. We also text or check in on the phone most days at some point while we are at work. Christmas is a great time to maybe start something new like getting some massage oil and start doing each other's back once a week before bed. Everybody benefits from the massage plus being together and showing you care! I'm sure you can think of things that will work for you, just stay with it and don't be shy about telling him you want to do better!

 

Calling all Naturalistas! Join us in  Natural Hair Love.

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