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My husband has a son from another woman

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:09 PM
  • 24 Replies

My husband has a 6 year old son from the woman he was seeing before we met and it has always been a source of contempt between us.  I didn't find out about the boy until well into our relationship and I think the fact that he had kept such an epic secret from me continues to bother me.  (We have been together for 3 years now, so I should be over it.)  The situation has never really been an issue until recently, they are here visiting for about a month.  The boy and his mother live in another country and us here in the states with a daughter of our own.  He has never done well finding a balance between us and the boy and I often feel it's like he is living two lives.  

What has really gotten me upset over it all is in our midst of making plans for Christmas, deciding who's family we are visiting when...he states he could care less about visiting with anyone but his son.  He declares that he will be leaving this Thursday and spending the week there through Christmas...That wasting time with anyone else is just that...wasting time.  There was no invitation for my daughter and I to come with him. No regard for Christmas with OUR child or for my family.  I'm extremely offended, hurt.  I've tried multiple times to create a bridge for us  to meet his son, a way for us to all spend time together but he is never receptive to the idea.  I fear that he will always lead this split life. 

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tihone77
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:11 PM

Oh wow...I'm sorry that has to be so hard. 

Mama2ETA
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:15 PM
2 moms liked this

 I'm sorry. That would be a deal breaker for me. If he thought I wasn't good enough to meet my stepson, Im leaving.

Have you told him you are going with him? Just tell him. Tell him it's not right to leave your child and you on Christmas. You matter too. Your child matters too. I bet he'd love to meet his sister! Will the ex be there? How many times has he seen his son since you two married?

fnlyhappy65
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:19 PM

 I'm sorry you are having to deal with this :(  What country is his son in?  Does he not want his son to meet his half sister?  So sad ;(

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:19 PM

 ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

i.heart.myboys
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:31 PM


Quoting tihone77:

Oh wow...I'm sorry that has to be so hard. 

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GypsyRayne
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:39 PM
1 mom liked this

My dh has a dd that lives in another country, she has never been to the states, but I have met her while visiting there.

I didn't know about her when I started seeing dh, I knew he had a ds with his ex wife, he lives with his mom here in the US. One day, not long after I started seeing dh, I, for some reason asked him if he had any other kids. He was a bit shocked that I asked, but told me about his dd.

I don't know where your dh's ex lives, or if he is from there too, but in some of these other countries, It's still a bit taboo, not sure that's the right word, to have a child out of wed lock. These kids are sort of secrets.

I have encouraged my dh to be a part of his dd's life. I have made it clear to him that she is just as important as our other kids. Not that he doesn't feel the same, but I guess it's the culture thing. He does all he can for her and sees her when he can.

Maybe, if you were to encourage your dh to be a part of his ds's life, let him know you want to meet him, that you want him to be a part of the family, things would get better and your dh would feel more comfortable asking you to go with him.

When we visit dh's dd, it is our vacation, we have to save a long time to afford to go. But while we are there his dd is the center of his attention, as she should be, for whatever time she wants. Meaning, she isn't forced to spend all her time with us while we are there, but she is always welcome to.

MagicTemptation
by Gold Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I can understand him not caring about visiting other family but he should bring you and his daughter too. Are the mother and son coming overseas just to see your dh?
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edelweiss23
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:10 PM
4 moms liked this
Just don't be there when he gets back.
Make him look for you.

If he doesn't, then you know you are not important to him.
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Lili-plus-3
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Mama2ETA:

 I'm sorry. That would be a deal breaker for me. If he thought I wasn't good enough to meet my stepson, Im leaving.

Have you told him you are going with him? Just tell him. Tell him it's not right to leave your child and you on Christmas. You matter too. Your child matters too. I bet he'd love to meet his sister! Will the ex be there? How many times has he seen his son since you two married?


I agree with this post. The five of you need to know each other. Don't give him an option. The three of you are going for a visit.

pittymama
by Silver Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 5:04 PM


Quoting fnlyhappy65:

 I'm sorry you are having to deal with this :(  What country is his son in?  Does he not want his son to meet his half sister?  So sad ;(


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