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Married August 31 and things already falling apart

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:56 PM
  • 19 Replies

So hello to everyone...I decided to join since I am really at a loss of what to do with my current situation. I married in August and already it seems we are headed for divorce. After fighting so hard to be together and moving from another city I am now in what seems a dead end. Background info: together for 3 1/2 years and did not live together till marriage, the following people all live with us (my son, his grandmother, his mother, his 22 year old sister) all in a three bed room house, my son is in the same room we are, we were fighting constantly for about a month about everything under the sun, started therapy last week which ended in him telling the therapist, "i dont know what i want" (therapy was his idea not mine), he has not talked to me more then a couple words a day for approx a month, puts pillows down the middle of he bed to avoid me, will not say he loves me at all, yells when asked where he is or called, requested he not be called or texted at all. Ok so next question what have I done: well I my first marriage was a very abusive one and apparently according to the therapist last week I have some issues to work on such as trust. So in order to do this I complied with his request to go to the bar with his friends, join a karate school, and join the gym. I am also guilty of always trying to work on things the same day we argue and asking to sit down and talk which he hates. He prefers to get up the next morning and act like nothing happen at all. Well that has ended...he is always mad every day. He comes home sometimes at 11pm sometimes at 8pm but I cant ask where he has been. If I call during the day he wont answer me most of the time and usually doesnt text back. So ladies any advice on what you would do in this situation? we have another therapy appointment this thursday I am wondering if it is even worth going to...am I chasing a man who has clearly let go and Im just the wife that cant take a hint? Id appreciate any comments or advice.

Thank you and God Bless

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:26 PM
I am VerY sorry you are going through this. It seems he has given up. I cant be sure though. I would go to the therapy and just point blank ask him whats going on, whats wrong and whats his deal because livi ng like that is terrible. That is no way to live. Id ask if he even wants to be with you anymore, etc etc. I wish you the best.
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mom2bell
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:29 PM
7 moms liked this

get the child out of your room.  get the mother, sister, and grandmother out of the house.  if that is not possible you, your husband and your son move out and do it fast.  the first year is tough, but lady you two are making it hell with all of those extra people.  my advice...get rid of them!!  Get your own room!!  and do "it" often!!!

rockyhugs35
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Exactly what I was thinking as well.
Good luck and hugs!


Quoting mom2bell:

get the child out of your room.  get the mother, sister, and grandmother out of the house.  if that is not possible you, your husband and your son move out and do it fast.  the first year is tough, but lady you two are making it hell with all of those extra people.  my advice...get rid of them!!  Get your own room!!  and do "it" often!!!

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soontobemommy22
by Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 9:35 PM

oh honey I  am very sorry you are going thourgh this!

furbabymum
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:25 PM

You need a different therapist. They aren't all created equal. Our 3rd try was the right fit and we both love her! I figure a good litmas test for a good therapist is whether they actually say something and if that something puts the blame where it should be, on both parties, with suggestions on how to change it.

Agree on too many people in the house. I was either going to kill or divorce my DH to get out of his parents house and we only lived there 5 months (when we moved from Japan).

Also, he seems totally distant in a not good way. I figure when the fighting stops the trouble has really begun.

PartyGalAnne
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this

You guys should be in honeymoon phase- never more in love, fucking like rabbits, and planning your future together. WHY all the other people in the house? Why can't you two find your own place? The stress of that alone will kill any relationship, let alone one that was not strong to begin with.

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:49 PM

I thought the first year living together was the hardest. I can't imagine trying to get it all figured out with all those other people around and a child in the bedroom. Why don't you have your own place? This has to be a priority. I'm sorry you're in this situation. If you can hang in there and get some privacy, you may be able to save this.

Meghan6391
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:55 PM
The first year is the hardest especially if you never lived with the person. My husband and i had lived together a year before we were married and in that time we learned every annoying thing about one another and then the baby came along right before marriage. Our first 2 years were very rocky and we filed for divorce lived in two different homes and fought like crazy, it was ugly for us but now things are alot better. You learn to pick the right fights and walk away from the ones that aren't worth it. I know it seems like bell but trust me of you love one another stick together and it gets better. I also know how it is to live with family and that to gets better. Good luck hun just know if you really love him things get easier this is the stage of learning who the other one is. Its never easy but it gets better :)
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Jenni_Lynne71
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 8:53 AM
I agree with this. You need to either move to a new home with just him, your son and you OR move everyone else out.

Quoting mom2bell:

get the child out of your room.  get the mother, sister, and grandmother out of the house.  if that is not possible you, your husband and your son move out and do it fast.  the first year is tough, but lady you two are making it hell with all of those extra people.  my advice...get rid of them!!  Get your own room!!  and do "it" often!!!

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divinemomma
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 9:15 AM

I agree the first year can be rough and that living with family is not the best thing for your marriage. He may want it to work but has just givien up. He married you for a reason and no one goes through all that just to  give up so easily. He also is the one who suggested therapy so that shows he wants to try. He seems really irritated for some reason. Maybe because of your lack of trust he feels like you are smothering him. That may repel him. He may just want to go somewhere without you having to know all the details. Coming home at 8pm or 10pm is not excessive in time. If he was coming in at 2 or  3 in the morning it would  show he had no respect for your marriage. Have your apologized for your lack of trust in him? Go to the next therapy session if he wants to go.

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