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4 years and no Ring!

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:01 AM
  • 10 Replies

I have been with my BF for 4 years, we have a 2 year old son together and I have a 5 year old from a previous relationship, but he knows him as his dad. We live together and have since I got pregnant with our 2 year old. We do have our ups and downs and argue a bit, mostly about the way I parent my 5 year old. (I am more passive and he almost acts like a drill Sargent) We have broken up and gotten back together several time so there are def some issues that need to be worked on, but during the whole 4 years he has never even mentioned us getting married! He has never even bought me any jewelry or a promise ring or anything. It makes me wonder if I am wasting my time. I realize I should have waited to have kids until I was married but it didn't happen that way and now here I am. I want a full commitment someday, but I'm begining to think he will never want to marry me ): He did have a GF 10 years ago that he proposed to, so he has obviously wanted to be married too. Help!

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:01 AM
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by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:08 AM
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Sounds like a case of once bitten, twice shy. Most guys that have a serious commitment kind of relationship that falls through will be extra cautious before attempting a repeat. They're worried about making the same mistake again. And I can say for certain that the on again off again relationship yall have right now is not helping him make a decision. Promise rings and engagement rings are meant for when you are sure that you've found your partner for life. There is no set length of time, nor is there a defined set of rules as to when it should be given.

If he's worth it to you.... Deep down in your heart.... Then you must respect his timidness, have patience and work on getting yalls' relationship solid as a rock. :)
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by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:10 AM

I was off and on with my husband for 4ish years before we got married, so that's not unheard of. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel? Sometimes you just have to be straightforward and say what you want to men for them to get it. Maybe he doesn't think you want to get married. Also, are you going to leave him if he doesn't? Think about all of this before you talk to him.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:16 AM

I can relate. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and no ring.he acts like he dont want to (why change things,type of deal) we have 2 children together ages 7 and 2. I been ok with it but i do think about it sometimes and how it would be nice for it to happen.We have been thru a lot and had a lot of ups and downs but we are still working on it and trying still.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:17 AM

I have talked to him 2 times recently (wtihin the last year) and he says he maybe wants that too but he says I am not doing my part to make him want to propose (whatever that means)and that my expectations are unrealistic. He KNOWS I want to get married, I didn't come off desperate but I'm sure I made my point. We have been getting along and doing good recently so it seems like I am just getting my hopes up to be let down because I truely feel he will never pop the question!! I actually have considered moveing on, I can't picture being with anybody but him right now, but I also don't know what else is out there and if i may find someone who is more willing to commit to me if i make myself available. I just don't know...

by Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:18 AM
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My SO has never bought me any jewelry either, we have been together 4 years and have a 2 yr old as well. Men suck.
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 1:40 PM

I would have a serious heart to heart talk with him about what my hopes for the future are and to check if he has the same future ideas or not. If marriage was important to me I would ask him straight up if he ever sees that in our future or not so I could decide if I wanted to stay with him or not if marriage is important to you. If he kind of wants to but has concerns bc of your issues maybe you two could get some counseling FIRST which may be a healthy idea anyway?

View Full Size Image YVONNE

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:07 PM
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Here's a good old copy & paste that might make you look at things differently:

If you are not being treated with love and respect, check your "Price Tag"! Perhaps you have marked yourself down.  It's YOU who tells people what you are worth by what you accept. Get off the "Clearance Rack" and get behind the glass where they keep all the VALUABLES!  Bottom line is...VALUE yourself more!

by Member on Dec. 22, 2012 at 8:40 AM

I would talk with him about it and if things didn't change maybe it's time to move on. 

by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 8:42 AM

What does he say about this?  Instead of discussing it with strangers on a chat board, have a conversation with your boyfriend.

by on Dec. 22, 2012 at 9:29 AM

after 4 years and a child together this is a discussion you should have already had with him.

i made it VERY clear to my dh (then boyfriend) when he asked me to move in that i was not interested in playing house.  i wanted to get married and have children someday.  if he didnt want that too then i wanted to know before i continued on in a relationship and lived with him.  i made it very clear that i wasnt asking for a ring or to get married that instant but that i did need to know he was serious and wanted the same things that i did.

we were married within a year and we now have two kids together.  i am very glad that we discussed all of that before we ever took the next step!  your best bet is to be honest with him and ask him how he feels about marriage and making a commitment to you.  at least then you can make a decision about what you want to do1

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