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Is this a Realistic Expectation?

Posted by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 7:07 PM
  • 10 Replies

My husband of 23 years told me he wanted a divorce on Sunday. He says I am too controlling and he wants to be his own person. Yes, we have separated in the past but worked it out. I am crushed but i have come to terms with it and I am moving on. No need to wallow in self pity.

I want to know how to start over again. Dating after 23 years?? I do know what I want, a man who is kind, considerate, loving, Christian, and who provides for his household. He pays the bills and I work and contribute but I don't want the headache of paying all the bills. Is this even a possibility??

And i don't plan on dating right away but I certainly won't stay single forever.


by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 7:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 2:50 AM
3 moms liked this

I think I would relish some alone time and just enjoy the single life.

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:18 AM

I would wait a year if you can and then try a Christian dating site. I think it is possible :)

earthangel1967
by YVONNE on Dec. 26, 2012 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with the others to make sure you take some alone special you time for awhile first.

But then when you feel ready yes its very possible.

I was married for 16 yrs (wrong person bad marriage etc) after I divorced him I took almost 2 yrs then I started online dating and I met so many awesome intelligent attractive sweet men and then one of them to my unexpected delight turned out to be the love of my life, my ideal guy in every way and I believe my soulmate (we didnt believe in soulmates until we met eachother now we do) we've been happily together 9 yrs now.

I think online dating is awesome.

View Full Size Image YVONNE

rockinmomto2
by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 5:26 PM

I think your first step should be to take a look at yourself and see if you are, in fact, too controlling. Then start working on yourself. Get a job where you pay all your bills and provide for yourself. I don't, personally, find it realistic to find a man who's willing take on the entire financial burden of a household with a woman from the get go, and I don't find it fair to ask that of someone who isn't the father of your children. I'm a SAHM but if my husband and I ever separate and divorce, I'd happily get a job and cover all my own bills. I would never expect to find a man who wants to pay my way and my kids' way.

MomToovey
by Marianne on Dec. 26, 2012 at 10:15 PM

 I agree with the other moms. Take some time for yourself. Get on your own two feet and support yourself and the kids. Then, after you've reached financial stability and have taken the time to fall in love with yourself, then you can start looking for someone else to love too.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 10:18 PM

 You might want to take time for yourself & heal from a broken marriage

sweetnessnc1
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 7:38 AM
Thank you for your response. I am employed and i make good money. I am moving into a place i can afford. I dont expect a man to take care of my bills but after always taking care of the finances. it would be nice for someone else to tske the reigns... definitely not expected but it would be nice. i am nit sitting around waitung for that ti happen. I am moving today.
Thanks again



Quoting rockinmomto2:

I think your first step should be to take a look at yourself and see if you are, in fact, too controlling. Then start working on yourself. Get a job where you pay all your bills and provide for yourself. I don't, personally, find it realistic to find a man who's willing take on the entire financial burden of a household with a woman from the get go, and I don't find it fair to ask that of someone who isn't the father of your children. I'm a SAHM but if my husband and I ever separate and divorce, I'd happily get a job and cover all my own bills. I would never expect to find a man who wants to pay my way and my kids' way.


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disnchntdwife
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's such a life changing event. Sometimes a wife has to be somewhat controlling, & it is generally because they are having to be the only adult in the house. I hope you take time to heal before jumping back into any type of romantic relationship. I wish you endless love and happiness!!
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Dqnana
by Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:25 AM

Somewhere in there is the great girl that was once 15 or 21 and was just excited to get out and live life.  she's still in there ... find her and say,"Hello!". If you want to have another relationship some day, get some counseling NOW ... just for yourself.  I thought there was nothing "those people" could tell me that I couldn't figure out for myself, if I just read the right book.  I was wrong.  I went into therapy because I was sure that the sessions would prove that I had been "right" in the relationship.  It was a very humbling, humiliating, exciting, wonderful and fulfilling 2 years ... and the best gift I ever gave myself.  I improved every relationship I had with every friend and family member AND myself. If you get the right therapist, it is like striking gold.  THEN ... you can ask the heavens to send you what you wish for in a partner, and you will receive your dream.

disnchntdwife
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:04 AM
So beautifully said!!

Quoting Dqnana:

Somewhere in there is the great girl that was once 15 or 21 and was just excited to get out and live life.  she's still in there ... find her and say,"Hello!". If you want to have another relationship some day, get some counseling NOW ... just for yourself.  I thought there was nothing "those people" could tell me that I couldn't figure out for myself, if I just read the right book.  I was wrong.  I went into therapy because I was sure that the sessions would prove that I had been "right" in the relationship.  It was a very humbling, humiliating, exciting, wonderful and fulfilling 2 years ... and the best gift I ever gave myself.  I improved every relationship I had with every friend and family member AND myself. If you get the right therapist, it is like striking gold.  THEN ... you can ask the heavens to send you what you wish for in a partner, and you will receive your dream.

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