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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

This is what I want to tell my Husband (if he'd shut up long enough to listen):

Posted by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:27 PM
  • 18 Replies
5 moms liked this

A message from a Stay At Home Mom to her Husband, 

Just because you come home to a messy house doesn't mean that I haven't washed & dried ten loads of laundry, folded them & put them away today. 

Just because there are toys all over the floor when you come home doesn't mean that I haven't swept & mopped that floor. Or that I haven't picked up the toys twice already.

Just because I occasionally spend money on the kids or (GASP!) myself doesn't mean I haven't earned it. 

Just because we are eating pizza for dinner doesn't mean I haven't spent the whole day in the kitchen, wiping down cabinets, cleaning the oven, cleaning out the fridge, & doing it all while wrangling our three young children. 

Just because I do take a break or get sick once in a while doesn't mean I haven't fulfilled my contract as the person who takes care of our home & children. In fact, when you call in sick, you stay home in bed. When I get sick, I drag myself to the couch & attempt to keep the kids from killing each other or tearing down the house. How many breaks do you take at work? You get up from your desk occasionally, I assume. Does anyone stand at the door & scream or barge right in while you're using the bathroom there? How many cups of tea sit & go tepid before you've had one drink & are flat out cold before you get a second? 

And just because I say "No" to sex (that you ask for every single day) doesn't mean that I don't love you or want you. It means that you came home from work after an 8 hour day & sat on the computer or watched TV while I juggled dinner, play time, bath time, & bed time & STILL did another load of laundry or dishes after the kids were asleep. The last hour of my 16 hour day is the ONLY time I have to myself, & frankly there are days where I'd rather not share it with you. 

If you would just read this list & try to comprehend even a small fraction of it, you would realize that you have so many things wrong about me since I began staying home with the kids. However, up until 4 months ago, I did all that, plus worked 40 hours a week just like you. And I wasn't half as angry at you as you are at me since I stopped bringing home a paycheck. Now start treating me better, or I'll go back to work, leave you, & take half of your paycheck as well. 

Love, Your Wife

by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kayandjsmom
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:34 PM
Hugs..

I just started working a month ago but I was a SAHM for quite some time. It's very hard and stressful at times. Thankfully DH understood and said he would never want to stay home with the kids. I hope your dh can one day understand the challenges you still have to face without a job.
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TommyAbby
by Melissa on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:35 PM
3 moms liked this

I would print this and give it to him the next time he gives you crap. Very well put!! 

furbabymum
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:40 PM

 Girl you need to go out for a day and leave him with the kiddos. lol I got a new shelving unit to help with DS's toys and for some reason it made him think every single toy was brand new and needed to be taken out and thrown on the floor. BUT my DH spent the entirety of last saturday alone with our DS so he's got no great delusions about how much work it is.

Also, divided duties. It's wrong for you to be resentful if you aren't "making" him help. I swear all men would be lazy on the couch if we let them. Mine has chores he knows are his. He gets up at night with our DS and soon to be DD. He doesn't do an equal share of the labor, I still do more, but it's enough that I don't resent the hell outta him for it.

RoseBlossom
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:43 PM

lol...seems like most men convienently forget what its like to take care of kids. why dont you remind him and have a me day? tell him that he will be watching the kids on his next day off all day because you are stressed out and will have a nervous breakdown if you dont catch a break and just go out. let him realize how it feels to watch the kids. and remind him too that he needs to feed them too lol

Mazie0723
by Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:44 PM
Awesome! Although my dh is in construction and the only breaks he gets are while driving from call to call. My dh is also much more understanding 90% of the time. I would print it out and hand it to him.
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MagicTemptation
by Christina on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:57 PM

That is very well put. We both have taken turns at being the stay at home parent. So we both know how hectic it can be having 3 or 4 of the kids home all day and trying to keep up with everything. I guess bc of that we don't say anything when one of us comes home from work and the house is messy, dinner isn't ready etc...We have walked a mile in each others shoes.

wineisfine
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:59 PM

 Now take the letter and read it to him, he will not know until you tell him. I tell my husband everything, and if I am frusturated I take him aside right then and there and let him know, it is good to vent but it is more important to share your feelings with your husband!

pittymama
by Silver Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 1:59 PM


Quoting TommyAbby:

I would print this and give it to him the next time he gives you crap. Very well put!! 


DakotaHaley
by Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 2:01 PM

I can relate to that. Although, I do have to say my husband is really awesome. He doesn't complain about the house and in fact will come home and helps in the responsibilities.

          But my ex that I was with I could have so wrote that and gave him that. I wouldn't of had to change a single word.


edelweiss23
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 2:02 PM
Print it and give it to him
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