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What's The Best Marriage Or Relationship Advice You Were Ever Given

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I have a couple. One from my Mom who said "Only marry a man who knows how to fix things". Another was, only marry a man who you would be proud to have as a son.

What's the best advice you were given? You never know, it may help someone.

by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 4:17 PM
Replies (41-50):
JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:34 PM

Better happy than right is really a good thing to learn. Nothing worse then somemone pecking at you to get their stupid point across, making a bigger deal about it than it needs to be.

Quoting unsuspected:

As for cliche advice that really is true ... Love is a choice.  There are times when my husband bugs me (or visa versa) or I'm annoyed at him (or he at me) for whatever reason and it's easy to not LIKE the other, in that moment,  but I always love him, he always loves me.  We take a step back and figure, this is my partnerfor the rest of my life, does THIS situation change that?  Nope.  So we choose to work through it and love eachother.  Because it's better to be HAPPY than to be right.  (another good cliche)   


preacherskid
by Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:40 PM
1 mom liked this

From my grandfather: pray together every day.  Sadly I am so busy with work we don't always get to pray together, but I do make an effort to spend time with just him- my grandparents fell into the "parent trap" where they were just the parents and not husband and wife.  Took them a long time to get back to those roles, I want to avoid that if I can.

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:43 PM

Oh no...your poor Mom. lol Can you remember what she was telling you, I'm just curious.

65 years, that's so beautiful. It must have been incredibly hard for your grandfather when she passed. I can't imagine. I bet you all felt so helpless. There's nothing you could have done to have made him feel better. I totally agree with your grandma, I don't think you can ever say I love you enough.

Quoting MonkeyMommyNJ:

"listen to me i know what i am talkig about" coming from my mother who has been married 3 times... i laughed in he face! no thanks im good....

on a serious note

my grandmother said: "dont sweat the small stuff and pick your battles.. and remember to talk to each other and tell each other i love you every chance you can remember to do so" she was married happily for 65 years before her passing in 09' my granfather died the following year.. he just kept saying he couldnt go on with out her.. he was sick but i think he died of a broken heart.. he lost the will to keep fighting


Mama2ETA
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 Never go to bed angry is the only one that sticks out. I cannot go to bed angry. He could if I wouldn't press the issues, but he agreed when we first got married, and we haven't.

Now, the psychologists are currently saying it is better to go to bed angry than stay up all night and figure it out. I disagree with that because, well, look at the current divorce rates.... When psychologists were saying otherwise, there were far fewer divorces. There is no divorce in mine or my husband's families at all. My parents, grandparents and so on aren't divorced and neither are his. We are together till death do us part. We take pride in the value of marriage.

Stick to your marriage through hell and high waters (minus abuse {I personally don't think yelling is abuse, but whatever} and infidelity {if you have tried everything first to salvage the marriage and find the root of the problems}).

JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:48 PM

I agree it might have to happen sometimes. But, even when you're angry, I think you should say I love you and we'll talk about it in the morning. Late at night is the worst time to try and iron something out.


Quoting boshs1andonly:

It's okay to go to bed angry. Sometimes it's best to stop before you say things you can't take back. When I was growing up, my dad had a bad habit of saying what he wanted when he was angry then acting like it didn't matter anymore the next day (my sisters have picked up the same habit). I hated it, because even when there was an apology, which there hardly ever was, it didn't undo the damage. So when dh and I are really angry, we agree to put it on hold, calm down and talk again later. If it means going to be angry, sometimes that's just how it has to be. 


JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:51 PM

21 years! Good job! Ok, You need to be giving advice. You have to have something to add.

Quoting 1squishysmom:

 I don't recall ever getting marriage advise from anyone. I must have done ok without it since we have been married over 21 years


JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 7:57 PM

Oh how I wish my parents would have known to do this. I think they loved an audience. That's awesome advice.

Quoting preacherskid:

Communicate.  Openly and without fear- I learned from my parents to "fight in the bedroom but make up in the kitchen" lol- they always hashed things out in private, so we never saw them arguing, but they would make up in the kitchen, right in front of us :)


JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 8:01 PM

I agree. I just remember always hearing it. I think you need to close your mouth when your tired and cranky and even if you're mad you can say, I think you're being a little shit, but, I still love you.

Quoting ashmac03:

"Never go to be angry" is bullshit!  Two angry and tired people are not going to make good decisions.  They are going to be unreasonable, nonsensical and cranky.  Go to bed, recharge and in the morning work it out like two well rested adults.  

 


boshs1andonly
by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. dh told me that it hurts when i don't say I love you when we're fighting because thats when he needs to hear it the most, so even when i'm mad i'll say i love you, then we go to sleep. 

Quoting JenniferW67:

I agree it might have to happen sometimes. But, even when you're angry, I think you should say I love you and we'll talk about it in the morning. Late at night is the worst time to try and iron something out.


Quoting boshs1andonly:

It's okay to go to bed angry. Sometimes it's best to stop before you say things you can't take back. When I was growing up, my dad had a bad habit of saying what he wanted when he was angry then acting like it didn't matter anymore the next day (my sisters have picked up the same habit). I hated it, because even when there was an apology, which there hardly ever was, it didn't undo the damage. So when dh and I are really angry, we agree to put it on hold, calm down and talk again later. If it means going to be angry, sometimes that's just how it has to be. 



JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 8:09 PM

That's awesome that you've got the real deal now. I've been lucky enough to have found it too. When I look back at the guys I dated, I don't think any of them REALLY loved me. My DH puts my happiness first without a second thought. I had never experienced that before.

Quoting MomRocs1102:

The best thing you can have is a man who really loves you.... My grandmother told me this, i think we were already married when she said, but i understood her.  I had an ex that i was with for some years and i loved him enough to deal with all kinds of drama, lies, and bs thinking he loved me and i realized if he loved me like i loved him it wouldn't be this way.  Then i realized I know longer loved him.  Well after dating around for a while just being single dh and i got together and that when i got the advice (that's above).  I completely agree with it, there is no feeling like having a man who loves me(really loves me).  Oh and before we married my aunt said to me you can get a big d*ck anywhere, like don't marry for something simple like sprung over sex lol. Other than that i didnt get much advice.


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