first a brief background, I have been happily married for 12 years. always a close marriage my husband was a very good man. everyone who knew him considered him a proud family man and husband. and I know how cliche this sounds but he truly was the last person anyone would think would do something like thIs. in July I discovered texts and emails and realized he had begun anan affair with his boss. he had had no history of infidelity, and this came as a complete surprise. he then proceeded to move out and continue his affair for 4 months. I could see that he was conflicted. I knew deep down that he still loved me but he was stuck in a situation he didn't know how to get out of. I later spoke to his mistress and she admitted how determined she was. he had extreme difficulty removing himself from the tempting situation when he worked with her so closely everyday. just when I have accepted that I was going to be divorcing, he suddenly cut off his relationship with her. he handed over his phone and confess to me that he knew he had made the biggest mistake of his life, that he felt that he kept crossing lines he couldn't come back from, that he knew that he wasn't in love with her. he has not spoken to her since it's been 2 and a half months now. she sent him several angry emails and my husband even asked me to call her and tell her that it was over because he didn't want to have a conversation. here's my question... when do you know when to give someone another chance? I do know he loves me. I do know he had nothing but passing lust for her. and I do know this is not in his character. and I forgive him as a human. I do understand that sometimes humans can act in ways against who they are, we have all done it. I forgive him, but sometimes the gravity of what he's done to me is too much. especially given the fact that we've always had such a good relationship. I don't know how you could do this to your best friend and wife. when do you move on? and if you choose to say stay how do you deal with the memories? he says it was a major crisis he had, and the circumstances add him cornered in such a way that you didn't know how to get out, but as any woman would I question that. he had always been faithful, and now he took away my dream of being in a relationship with a faithful man. I was so proud to be with him. everybody including his family thought he was 1 of the good guys. his own parents were blown away by the fact that he did this. it was just so not who he was. should I move on in hopes of having a relationship with no infidelity in it?? Or should a build new relationship with the good husband that I had before the affair. this thing is is that he was a good husband for 12 years, and then for 4 months he became a different person. he did hurt me very very much, and for that for much she was the priority and I was insignificant. she was on her way to a divorce already so she didn't care who she hurt, I had several conversations with her throughout the affair. and she was clearly very selfish and didn't care about me my marriage or my children. she felt she was on her way out of her life and wanted to start a new 1 with him, that's why she was very angry when he ended it she thought she was going to be the 1 that didn't end up hurt. I can't believe my husband was with a woman like this. on the outside there was no reason why he should have been with her. it actually looked ridiculous to family members. nobody understood why my husband would have left for a woman like that. which makes me realize that it really must have been a crisis with his own self. if anyone has had any experience with this please let me know what to do. I go back and forth some days I think I can forgive easily and other days I want to pack my bags.
on Dec. 27, 2012 at 6:37 PM