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When something traumatic happens to u or spouse member........ Advice

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surrender My husband of 6+ years and I have a full plate with 4children under 5, 2have both types asthma, an adopted son exposed fetal alcohol and drugs with bipolar/manic depressive bio and my quirky super busy(too young to label ADHD) and compulsive.  I am pretty old fashioned in the basics; structure, healthy diet, little junk food, all educational tv or e electronics, teamwork and some responsibility..... Sounds more dramatic than it is. Anyways you can see I run pretty tight ship, with lots of love and quality time. I feel 25ft out of tree trying to get our children's kitty. so, with t12- l3 and l5 burst compression fracturesand also completely herniated my S1. I had immediate surgery with 8screws,2 rods and fusion. it's been 3weeks since surgery. I am strong willed, proud and tough(farmers daughter;)) I have done no need rest minus 2days total hospital stay. I am in so much pain at times I shake or vomit, but I look at my babies and fight through it. Have not missed a meal, appt, special moment or story time at night. My husband works his butt of, especially now with one income, when he gets home starts out great....... Then, it's the degrading, finger pointing, name calling, woe is he, how his life is all about me, says I do nothing all day, makes fun of me, hateful degrading and derogatory remarks. He has gone as far as telling our oldest(5) mind u looking in her eyes"I hate your mother" He lips off that I can't bend down into cupboards...... On and on. It's hard enough to have to let so many things go, I am actually starting to feel like I am just a nurse, even though I do not sit/rest until my babies in bed. He says I am wasted space, and not worth it. My children give me the strength every minute of the day, at night we pray, and I post to good that my willingness and daily struggles pain and all I keep on. I pray that my recovery is sooner and that my family can have three old me back! I beg and pay that my husband can see how much I do do and I not giving up, why should he....... Does it get better? 

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 4:37 AM
Replies (11-15):
by Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:04 AM
1 mom liked this

You need a vacation!  Take a moment to rest, you will never fully recover unless you give your body the time it needs to heal.  Your kids deserve 100% of you and you can only give less than that while you are in pain.  

by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow. That's terrible. If you go to a church, please meet with your pastor.
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by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 6:28 AM

  Sadly enough, had the rare moments before too. It's not all bad, just when it's bad it's REALLY BAD.  I genuinely believe he has no clue what all he has said and the damage done. We been working on it, going to start counselling soon. We are still deeply in love, he just has this "idea" how it should be....... Right, it's a team effort, children included!  since the fall, omg, heart breaking when he lashed at me! I can't brush it off like before! I know I give 110% everyday to him, kids, houseWork, schedules, bills  ect.

  I just wish he could filter his thoughts first! He is being much better though, I walk away, he later comes to me (no hugs or kisses) to apologize...... This is definitely deep in right direction;)

 Thank u for taking time to read my story, and be so compassionate and realistic!

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:23 AM

Glad you are going to start counseling.  I have been wondering how you were- keep us updated!

by Kendall on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:31 AM

He sounds like an asshole.  He and I would have had a 'coming to Jesus' meeting a long time ago followed by my leaving if he didn't straighten up!!

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