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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Need Advice!!!

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:02 AM
  • 11 Replies

Ok, my bf has a ten year old son and his son lives with my bf's parents. He works nights and says that's the reason, but in my opinion his son would and should be living with us. I also have a child, a little 4 year old daughter. His son comes over almost every weekend, whereas my daughter basically lives with us. Her dad recently got a new job, but sees her whenever he can, even if he just picks her up for dinner or something like that. When his son is over here, it is all joking with him and never anything disciplinary. Granted his son is very well behaved and usually doesn't really need any disciplinary actions taken, but in the past, we have been out in public eating or shopping and he will lay all over the floor or climb under the booth or things like that. I always used to say things and my bf would just reply that he's not hurting anyone so what's the big deal? I don't even allow my 4 yr old to do things like that in public. At home, he acts like alot of the things my daughter does it annoying or bad or you know just doesn't set the right way with him. And it gets on my nerves that he wants to act like that to MY kid, but in his eyes his kid never does anything wrong. My bf gets an attitude when I try telling him that he treats them different and gets really defensive. This is really starting to get old, so I need some advice on how to help the situation. My bf is also on the night shift and expects my daughter to be quiet during the day. She watches tv and plays very quietly most of the time, but I try to explain that you can't honestly expect a 4 yr old to be quiet every day all day long, it's not fair to her. So, anything on any of this would be helpful. Thanks

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 12:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:59 AM
2 moms liked this

Tell him to wear headphones when he sleeps? 

Set  guidelines and general rules for the household that both children must follow.

brookeums9
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 11:07 AM

It's not that she doesn't know the rules and follow them, it's that she gets hyper and likes to jump and play

eoewan
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Your bf is too uptight when it comes to your dd. Kids need to play and to expect a child to be quiet all day is abnormal. As for his ds, he definitely has a double standard there. He is feeling guilty for not parenting his ds so lets him get away with stuff due to guilt. It should be the same standard for both children. Maybe you could have his ds over during the day while your bf sleeps so he can see how unrealistic his demands are. jmo.

cheers, donna

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Hmm, what a pain. He has never had to disipline his son because his parents did it for him. It sounds kinda like he hasn't really bonded with your daughter yet. How long have you all been living together? His son, honestly, is probably better off with his parents, and if you think you have issues now, wait till he lives with you. Blending families is very hard.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:42 PM
1 mom liked this
If he WANTED his son to live with him, he would have him, no matter the reason. This, combined with his attitude towards your daughter leads me to believe that he has no interest in being a full time parent.

Also, you aren't married. His child is his business, it's not appropriate for you to ask him to discipline him in the way that you feel is sufficient.

Good luck, but I don't see your relationship flourishing.
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la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:13 PM

 Bump!

MomToovey
by Marianne on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:26 PM

 I 100% agree with this

Quoting Lindalou907:

Hmm, what a pain. He has never had to disipline his son because his parents did it for him. It sounds kinda like he hasn't really bonded with your daughter yet. How long have you all been living together? His son, honestly, is probably better off with his parents, and if you think you have issues now, wait till he lives with you. Blending families is very hard.

 


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Monsita
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:07 PM

You are in a very hard situation....as the girlfriend your heands are tied up!!!

The only thing you can do is to have a heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend....and hope to get to his senses and heart....GOOD LUCK!!

Gmgej
by Michele on Jan. 1, 2013 at 6:56 PM

Sit down with him and have a serious conversation about equal expectations about raising your children together as siblings, meaning with total equality. If he isn't open to this an continues to act annoyed about whatever your daughter does, then it is time to get away from him. Your daughter is only 4 and you need to be her voice, her advocate. Has he worked night shift since you moved in, if so then our bad, night shift is hard and lack of sleep makes people cranky. It is your job to get your daughter out of the house to play so he can get his rest.

GatorsWife4Life
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:21 PM

 I would have to tell him that there are rules in the home and all children must follow them, not just yours. It's unfair to let him act out while your dd gets in trouble for the same things. As far as him sleeping, it's very unreasonable for him to expect a 4 year old to be silent all day so he can sleep. Tell him to turn on his ipod in his ears or sleep with some ear plugs. Good luck momma.

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