He was a narcissistic control freak. He went out of town for work for a week and on the last day, I realized life was great when he was gone and I was a constant nervous wreck when he was home. So, when he got home I told him to turn around and leave again and never come back.
Well he had 7 diagnosed mental illnesses and I was trying to help him by having him see a pyschiatrist and reminding him numerous times a day and night to take his meds and then checking to make sure he actually took them. But each year he got worse and worse and it was really stressful on not only me but the kids too. I would have left much sooner but I felt sorry for him and even more so I was terrified our 4 kids would HATE me if I left their dad.
One day our young teen son forgot to flush the toilet and ex husband went ballistic, yelling and screaming at him at the top of his lungs and screamed at him really really mean to go flush NOW and was following him every step almost shoving him, I was yelling at ex telling him to stop over reacting and that Jesse just forgot and was going to do it now and so he needed to stop and shut up and back off and I would handle it. He stood over Jesse's shoulder belittling him for not having remembered in the first place and Jesse who was about 13 started getting tears in his eyes and said I'm not flushing with you standing here screaming at me, I'll do it when you leave and Jesse started to walk out of the bathroom and ex grabbed him by the back of his hoody and pulled him backwards slamming him up against the wall back into the bathroom, That is when I went ballistic and started screaming and swearing at ex and punching him as hard as I could nonstop telling him he better NEVER EVER touch one of MY kids again for ANY reason! (ex was obsessed with me and would never put a finger on me in a negative way if he could he would have just me and no kids bc they took attention away from him he was jealous of them.)
My actions made him stop and shut up. But when we got downstairs in the living room, my 2 oldest of the 4, my 13 yr old son and my 12 yr old daughter were both crying and they said to Me "When are YOU going to do something" I said "ME?!!! I do everything I can what else is there for me to do that I havent tried or done except for leaving him and if I left him I figured you kids would hate me plus I have no job no diploma no place to live and no money so I feel like we're trapped." They said " We dont care we wont hate you if you leave him we WANT you to leave him and even if we end up in a homeless shelter it would be better than living with him. We love and care about him but we cant stand living with him, its like hell!" I was shocked and ashamed and guilty and wished I had known they felt like that a long time ago bc I would leave in a heartbeat for them. We left that hour. When I told the 2 little kids, 1 daughter sobbed really hard but when she could finally speak again she said "Mommy I think its sad but I still think its the right thing to do. " My youngest son who was 7 said "Will I still get to see my friends and aunt shari and can I visit dad if I feel like it?" I said of course anytime you want. He shrugged his shoulders and said "Ok I dont care then, lets go."
( PS ex ended up very very rarely making any effort to see the kids or even talk to them on the phone even when they reached out to him and now that they are all adults he wont return their phone calls or answer the door if they knock and returns mail unopned if they send him mail. He lives as a recluse literally and is very paranoid and is very severely deep deep lost in his mental illnesses. My kids said they feel sorry for him bc they know he is sick but he is so far gone into it that they said they have chalked it up to their biological dad has actually "died" and they love my husband who finished raising them with me as their REAL dad and love him very very much.
Everytime he touched me I cringed. I told him I was considering a divorce and he said ok. That was it.
My life was in jeopardy. I didn't ask for one, I just had him served. There was no contest because I had proof of everything..including video footage of abuse.
At first it was emotional abuse...later it become physical abuse...
He did it all to me...and years laters , he started to do it to our children...IT WAS THE LAST STRAW!
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