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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

ddh has a chick friend...advice???

a little history on the whole thing....he talked to her before we we're together only on the phone though an met her four times in person... when we got together (I was 16 he was 19) an I found out about her I didn't like it. let's face it when your a teenager every female is a threat to you. any who we got In a argument about it an he said he would never talk to her again... four yrs later all of a sudden she texts him out the blue an they start chatting it up. he doesn't keep it a secret from me that they are texting back an fourth an I wasn't ok with it but I was dealing with it because I don't think he would cheat on me or anything like  that. well he in invites her to stay a weekend withwith us without asking me first. I've oonly met the girl once (before me an dh started dating) an  I thought we were going there for dh an the girl to meet up am have a date.. so it was a lititle awkward because I felt like the third wheel  but they were just friends. me personally I find it awkward an weird for him to be trying to rekindle thAt friendship when he said he would never talk to her again. and also he has no male friends what so ever. when We started getting our lives together all his friends disappeared be cause he wasn't supporting there bad habits any more to say the least an he hasn't made anymore friends since then.I guess I just need other female advice on how to handle this or what to do.... I don't trust any  female except my bestie. all the stories I've read on here make me very weary of females..... let me know how you would handle this and what you would dodo.thanks in advance.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:26 AM
Replies (21-30):
Snapdragon88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this
You're his wife and you should come first. You have every right to put an end to this. Tell him, "I want to trust you because trust is important in a marriage.. but a part of being able to trust your spouse is them NEVER giving you a reason to doubt, and this is making me uncomfortable. Please respect me and our life together enough to squash this."
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anotherandree
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I feel like I am the only one who completely trusts my husband.  He has had a friend, that is a girl, from work and that is all they are.  I know 100% that it is me that he comes home to and me that he loves.

Kes1s
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:34 AM

It's not about why you don't trust HIM.


It's why you have absolutely no reason to trust a random female off the street whom he has met less times than he has fingers to come into your home and respect it and your family since obviously this person has no interest in you or reason to plan a trip to your home other than to see your spouse.

I would book her a hotel room if your spouse said the visit was going on with or without your consent.  I would speak to her plainly about it.  I don't know you, I have no reason to trust you, I was not asked about this I would prefer that you not be in my home while I am sleeping. 

Having only physically met someone 4 times you really don't know a thing about them other than what they want you to know.  You've had no opportunities to observe their body language and get a feel for whether they are who or what they say they are.

This chick could be straight up The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and you wouldn't know her from a hole in the wall.  What's to say she's not a crazy looking to rob you - there are far scarier people out there than those who try to creep in on other peoples spouses.

Think about it from the other side.  What in the world would posess you to make someone elses husband your anytime I'm bored text/chat buddy?  Guys don't listen to women blabber on endlessly for nothing, and women who complain about their man to your man are testing the waters to see if he'll captain save a ho them. 

I'm thinking they both have bad intentions but either neither of them know this consciously, or she has intentions and he doesn't see them.  I'm giving the benefit of the doubt because he may just be stupid, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Kes1s
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

My man has female friends, some who have been downright rude to me, some who are disgustingly nice some who went lala loopy when we got together because they had designs.  I don't get worked up about it because I do trust HIM.

The big difference here is that I know these women and were they to step out of line, we would be talking face to face, and nobody wants that ;-)


A perfect stranger off the internet who hasn't even attempted to acknowledge and interact with the most important person in his life, his wife...


Definitely smells off.  Whole different days fish.

Quoting anotherandree:

I feel like I am the only one who completely trusts my husband.  He has had a friend, that is a girl, from work and that is all they are.  I know 100% that it is me that he comes home to and me that he loves.


deccaf
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:46 AM

DH has never given me reason to not trust him.  If he spoke with a woman for any reason, I'm okay with it.  He even discusses non-child realated things with his XW.  As long as he's not trying to hide anything from you, things are likely not suspicious.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 11:50 AM

 ((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

JZB
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Make her your best friend, seriously. Its the keep your friends close and your enemy closer. You can forbid him all you want but that just puts you in a role for him to resent you. When we hooked up dh had a female friend. I didn't like it but I didn't put up too much of a fuss either. As we grew stronger their relationship dwindled to near nothing. They are on fb but they haven't talked or anything. Maybe this can be viewed as an opportunity to grow your marriage. Does a church near you have Restoring the Gift of Marriage program? Well worth it.
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expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:08 PM

I never said I didn't trust my bestie I said she's the only female I do trust. an the main thing that does bother me is the fact he invited her over without talking with me first and they know each other through talking on the phome and meeting 4times.. if they were really good friends since first grade there would be less of an issue. an she says she hadn't a phone for a while an finally got one an wanted to get back in touch with him.

Quoting ryryab:

I think him inviting her to stay without asking would bug me more than anything. But just him having a female friend, not so much. My so has a female friend, they've been friends since 1st grade, and they talk often. But, they also didn't have 4 years of no communication, then suddenly started again, so that is a bit odd. I'd just talk to him, maybe get to know her, see how close they are. You don't want to cause an issue if they really are close friends, I mean, do you know why she suddenly just started up again with talking to him? And why would you not trust your bestie? Isn't that sort of a requirement, to trust your bestie, in order to HAVE a bestie? 


expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:14 PM

well actually he is a very odd man and would listen to her blabber about her  problems because that  what he says she use to callcall him for. an I think the same thing about her wanting him to come rescue her out of her horrible situation and they live happily ever after or something. an he doesn't see it of course. I think she's always told him her  problems hoping maybe one day he could come save the day by sweeping he  off her feet an making he  happy..idk

Quoting Kes1s:

It's not about why you don't trust HIM.


It's why you have absolutely no reason to trust a random female off the street whom he has met less times than he has fingers to come into your home and respect it and your family since obviously this person has no interest in you or reason to plan a trip to your home other than to see your spouse.

I would book her a hotel room if your spouse said the visit was going on with or without your consent.  I would speak to her plainly about it.  I don't know you, I have no reason to trust you, I was not asked about this I would prefer that you not be in my home while I am sleeping. 

Having only physically met someone 4 times you really don't know a thing about them other than what they want you to know.  You've had no opportunities to observe their body language and get a feel for whether they are who or what they say they are.

This chick could be straight up The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and you wouldn't know her from a hole in the wall.  What's to say she's not a crazy looking to rob you - there are far scarier people out there than those who try to creep in on other peoples spouses.

Think about it from the other side.  What in the world would posess you to make someone elses husband your anytime I'm bored text/chat buddy?  Guys don't listen to women blabber on endlessly for nothing, and women who complain about their man to your man are testing the waters to see if he'll captain save a ho them. 

I'm thinking they both have bad intentions but either neither of them know this consciously, or she has intentions and he doesn't see them.  I'm giving the benefit of the doubt because he may just be stupid, but I wouldn't hold my breath.


MrsImperfect
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:16 PM

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