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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

ddh has a chick friend...advice???

a little history on the whole thing....he talked to her before we we're together only on the phone though an met her four times in person... when we got together (I was 16 he was 19) an I found out about her I didn't like it. let's face it when your a teenager every female is a threat to you. any who we got In a argument about it an he said he would never talk to her again... four yrs later all of a sudden she texts him out the blue an they start chatting it up. he doesn't keep it a secret from me that they are texting back an fourth an I wasn't ok with it but I was dealing with it because I don't think he would cheat on me or anything like  that. well he in invites her to stay a weekend withwith us without asking me first. I've oonly met the girl once (before me an dh started dating) an  I thought we were going there for dh an the girl to meet up am have a date.. so it was a lititle awkward because I felt like the third wheel  but they were just friends. me personally I find it awkward an weird for him to be trying to rekindle thAt friendship when he said he would never talk to her again. and also he has no male friends what so ever. when We started getting our lives together all his friends disappeared be cause he wasn't supporting there bad habits any more to say the least an he hasn't made anymore friends since then.I guess I just need other female advice on how to handle this or what to do.... I don't trust any  female except my bestie. all the stories I've read on here make me very weary of females..... let me know how you would handle this and what you would dodo.thanks in advance.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:26 AM
Replies (31-40):
expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:21 PM

well they are both trying to rekindle the relationship so I don't think it's going to die down anytime shortly hell iit might even get more intense. I have  thought about going with th  flow and becoming friends with her and seeing how it goes. I think in the end that  what's goin  to end up happening because I don't want my hubby to resent me as you put it for this ...



Quoting JZB:

Make her your best friend, seriously. Its the keep your friends close and your enemy closer. You can forbid him all you want but that just puts you in a role for him to resent you. When we hooked up dh had a female friend. I didn't like it but I didn't put up too much of a fuss either. As we grew stronger their relationship dwindled to near nothing. They are on fb but they haven't talked or anything. Maybe this can be viewed as an opportunity to grow your marriage. Does a church near you have Restoring the Gift of Marriage program? Well worth it.


Anryan
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:26 PM

i would agree with gmgej....  Everyone who knows me knows i have zero issues with men having female friends and hanging out with them (i think it makes them better men) but he is being untrustworthy.  Not in the "i won't talk to her again" that is crazy, he was a kid and people change.  But in not telling you he invited her over, or openly discussing those plans. 

Both of my guys have female friends that they hang out with, text, chat with and i don't give it a second thought but they have given me  zero reason not to trust them....this behavior would make me leary.

Good Luck.



Quoting Gmgej:

This is what I call the begining of a self fulfilled prophecy. It wouldn't have even begun in my marriage, I wouldn't have married anyone who would think that this is ok. Never would either my dh or I think it was ok to invite someone to sleep over without talking it over with each other.


Anryan,

Wife to.....

  David    and   Irish

Kes1s
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:32 PM

We've got a few ladies who see my man as the guy who was supposed to ride to the recue and sweep them off their feet as well.  Since they're local I can make a prescence -eg. one was a waitress, so I decided to go sit in her section and get to know her one day and we actually get along pretty well right now.    Hubbas and I also go in together and eat sometimes and I have made a point of loudly mentioning all the lovely ladies who behave so disrespectfully towards me when they speak intimately to my man as if he were a friend with benefits who had any business talking about what they think about their mans shortcomings, since he would never speak to their significant others about their relationships and their significant others would be upset or embarrassed were they to know their wife/girlfriend was out doing what in the guy world is hard core shit talking about their man to another man.  Between guys that's a reason to fight.  If a man complains about his relationship to a woman, he's asking her if she can do better.  It's no different on the other foot and the consequences shouldn't be any different either.

My guy is a fixer.  He tends to see these gals as a logistics project, but he is also a massive people person and networker.  He's mentally thinking ahead for the time that he might need something the person in question is good at and he is aware that they are flirting with him.  At some point they will be called in to do something that benefits me, and they are aware that I am not going anywhere :-)

Quoting expectnanother:

well actually he is a very odd man and would listen to her blabber about her  problems because that  what he says she use to callcall him for. an I think the same thing about her wanting him to come rescue her out of her horrible situation and they live happily ever after or something. an he doesn't see it of course. I think she's always told him her  problems hoping maybe one day he could come save the day by sweeping he  off her feet an making he  happy..idk

Quoting Kes1s:

It's not about why you don't trust HIM.


It's why you have absolutely no reason to trust a random female off the street whom he has met less times than he has fingers to come into your home and respect it and your family since obviously this person has no interest in you or reason to plan a trip to your home other than to see your spouse.

I would book her a hotel room if your spouse said the visit was going on with or without your consent.  I would speak to her plainly about it.  I don't know you, I have no reason to trust you, I was not asked about this I would prefer that you not be in my home while I am sleeping. 

Having only physically met someone 4 times you really don't know a thing about them other than what they want you to know.  You've had no opportunities to observe their body language and get a feel for whether they are who or what they say they are.

This chick could be straight up The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and you wouldn't know her from a hole in the wall.  What's to say she's not a crazy looking to rob you - there are far scarier people out there than those who try to creep in on other peoples spouses.

Think about it from the other side.  What in the world would posess you to make someone elses husband your anytime I'm bored text/chat buddy?  Guys don't listen to women blabber on endlessly for nothing, and women who complain about their man to your man are testing the waters to see if he'll captain save a ho them. 

I'm thinking they both have bad intentions but either neither of them know this consciously, or she has intentions and he doesn't see them.  I'm giving the benefit of the doubt because he may just be stupid, but I wouldn't hold my breath.



StephanieWend
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:35 PM
They have no business communicating. Tell him to end that shit now
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nursesharon
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:39 PM
1 mom liked this
Why is she contacting him all of the sudden? Maybe u should call her out from the beginning to see what her intentions are? I think it sounds fishy.
midjet117
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:21 PM
Sounds a little fishy if you ask me......

Quoting danichaos:

Dont trust any female, even your bestie
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Euphorikmomma
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:31 PM

Idk, maybe I am odd but to me it sounds like he is trying to set up a threesome..

Either way, that shit would not fly with me.  I don't like ultimatums but he would be making one.

Quoting midjet117:

Sounds a little fishy if you ask me......

Quoting danichaos:

Dont trust any female, even your bestie


expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:35 PM

I've asked for three somes before an he said no so I doubt thAt

Quoting Euphorikmomma:

Idk, maybe I am odd but to me it sounds like he is trying to set up a threesome..

Either way, that shit would not fly with me.  I don't like ultimatums but he would be making one.

Quoting midjet117:

Sounds a little fishy if you ask me......

Quoting danichaos:

Dont trust any female, even your bestie



Kaybean
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:17 PM
You've asked your DH to screw around with other women? Classy. Why even be this upset then if you don't mind him sticking it in other women? You also keep putting an instead of and and ignoring us about it!


Quoting expectnanother:

I've asked for three somes before an he said no so I doubt thAt


Quoting Euphorikmomma:

Idk, maybe I am odd but to me it sounds like he is trying to set up a threesome..

Either way, that shit would not fly with me.  I don't like ultimatums but he would be making one.


Quoting midjet117:

Sounds a little fishy if you ask me......



Quoting danichaos:

Dont trust any female, even your bestie




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JZB
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Here's the deal you have the upper hand right now on this lady. I seriously would put some effort into my marriage if I were you. Your dh may feel he's lacking something and may not even realize it. A lot of the times if a man wonders there's a reason (not saying always there are the scum bags that just cheats) but your dh doesn't seek to be that type. Do you know his love language? I would be filling it and I also would be really looking into my part of the marriage. Again I'm NOT blaming this on you but I think you may have an opportunity here to stop anything more from happening. You know what they say if you let it go and it comes back its yours. Hugs mama I'm here if you want to talk


Quoting expectnanother:

well they are both trying to rekindle the relationship so I don't think it's going to die down anytime shortly hell iit might even get more intense. I have  thought about going with th  flow and becoming friends with her and seeing how it goes. I think in the end that  what's goin  to end up happening because I don't want my hubby to resent me as you put it for this ...




Quoting JZB:

Make her your best friend, seriously. Its the keep your friends close and your enemy closer. You can forbid him all you want but that just puts you in a role for him to resent you. When we hooked up dh had a female friend. I didn't like it but I didn't put up too much of a fuss either. As we grew stronger their relationship dwindled to near nothing. They are on fb but they haven't talked or anything. Maybe this can be viewed as an opportunity to grow your marriage. Does a church near you have Restoring the Gift of Marriage program? Well worth it.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
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