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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

ddh has a chick friend...advice???

a little history on the whole thing....he talked to her before we we're together only on the phone though an met her four times in person... when we got together (I was 16 he was 19) an I found out about her I didn't like it. let's face it when your a teenager every female is a threat to you. any who we got In a argument about it an he said he would never talk to her again... four yrs later all of a sudden she texts him out the blue an they start chatting it up. he doesn't keep it a secret from me that they are texting back an fourth an I wasn't ok with it but I was dealing with it because I don't think he would cheat on me or anything like  that. well he in invites her to stay a weekend withwith us without asking me first. I've oonly met the girl once (before me an dh started dating) an  I thought we were going there for dh an the girl to meet up am have a date.. so it was a lititle awkward because I felt like the third wheel  but they were just friends. me personally I find it awkward an weird for him to be trying to rekindle thAt friendship when he said he would never talk to her again. and also he has no male friends what so ever. when We started getting our lives together all his friends disappeared be cause he wasn't supporting there bad habits any more to say the least an he hasn't made anymore friends since then.I guess I just need other female advice on how to handle this or what to do.... I don't trust any  female except my bestie. all the stories I've read on here make me very weary of females..... let me know how you would handle this and what you would dodo.thanks in advance.

by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:26 AM
Replies (41-50):
expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:38 PM

 o I'm sorry I didn't know it was a rule that if somebody on here Has an issue with how you type you have to change it!!! an yea I asked but it was when we were dating and wasn't serious about the relationship. just because  I asked  for .  threesome doesn't  mean I can't have an issue with him wanting a female  friend. an we never had  one btw. I think I like the idea of  it more than actually doin  it. I would  probably coward out when it came  down to it

Quoting Kaybean:

You've asked your DH to screw around with other women? Classy. Why even be this upset then if you don't mind him sticking it in other women? You also keep putting an instead of and and ignoring us about it!


Quoting expectnanother:

I've asked for three somes before an he said no so I doubt thAt


Quoting Euphorikmomma:

Idk, maybe I am odd but to me it sounds like he is trying to set up a threesome..

Either way, that shit would not fly with me.  I don't like ultimatums but he would be making one.


Quoting midjet117:

Sounds a little fishy if you ask me......



Quoting danichaos:

Dont trust any female, even your bestie





expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 2:39 PM
2 moms liked this

thank you for this

Quoting JZB:

Here's the deal you have the upper hand right now on this lady. I seriously would put some effort into my marriage if I were you. Your dh may feel he's lacking something and may not even realize it. A lot of the times if a man wonders there's a reason (not saying always there are the scum bags that just cheats) but your dh doesn't seek to be that type. Do you know his love language? I would be filling it and I also would be really looking into my part of the marriage. Again I'm NOT blaming this on you but I think you may have an opportunity here to stop anything more from happening. You know what they say if you let it go and it comes back its yours. Hugs mama I'm here if you want to talk


Quoting expectnanother:

well they are both trying to rekindle the relationship so I don't think it's going to die down anytime shortly hell iit might even get more intense. I have  thought about going with th  flow and becoming friends with her and seeing how it goes. I think in the end that  what's goin  to end up happening because I don't want my hubby to resent me as you put it for this ...




Quoting JZB:

Make her your best friend, seriously. Its the keep your friends close and your enemy closer. You can forbid him all you want but that just puts you in a role for him to resent you. When we hooked up dh had a female friend. I didn't like it but I didn't put up too much of a fuss either. As we grew stronger their relationship dwindled to near nothing. They are on fb but they haven't talked or anything. Maybe this can be viewed as an opportunity to grow your marriage. Does a church near you have Restoring the Gift of Marriage program? Well worth it.




AliKatAK47
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:19 PM
My SO's best friend is a girl. I love that woman and I have never felt jealous of her. I trust him not to do anything with her. Besides I have known her since I was born.
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Kaybean
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:19 PM
No, there's no rule, but just put the stupid d on the end because it's and, not an! Even if you never actually ended up having one, you could have given him the impression that you're fine with it.


Quoting expectnanother:

 o I'm sorry I didn't know it was a rule that if somebody on here Has an issue with how you type you have to change it!!! an yea I asked but it was when we were dating and wasn't serious about the relationship. just because  I asked  for .  threesome doesn't  mean I can't have an issue with him wanting a female  friend. an we never had  one btw. I think I like the idea of  it more than actually doin  it. I would  probably coward out when it came  down to it


Quoting Kaybean:

You've asked your DH to screw around with other women? Classy. Why even be this upset then if you don't mind him sticking it in other women? You also keep putting an instead of and and ignoring us about it!





Quoting expectnanother:

I've asked for three somes before an he said no so I doubt thAt



Quoting Euphorikmomma:

Idk, maybe I am odd but to me it sounds like he is trying to set up a threesome..

Either way, that shit would not fly with me.  I don't like ultimatums but he would be making one.



Quoting midjet117:

Sounds a little fishy if you ask me......





Quoting danichaos:

Dont trust any female, even your bestie







Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JZB
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Not a problem, its coming from someone who has evaluated her marriage MANY times. I'm not sure where you stand religiously but if there is a church in your area that does restoring the gift its worth it even if you aren't super religious. We've gone through it twice and thinking of doing it again as a check up. I think once people get to where they like where their kids and marriage is its sort of like they forget to maintain it. My dh and I both come from damaged relationships and added to not the best childhoods so yes we've overcome so much but wouldn't of been able to without work.


Quoting expectnanother:

thank you for this


Quoting JZB:

Here's the deal you have the upper hand right now on this lady. I seriously would put some effort into my marriage if I were you. Your dh may feel he's lacking something and may not even realize it. A lot of the times if a man wonders there's a reason (not saying always there are the scum bags that just cheats) but your dh doesn't seek to be that type. Do you know his love language? I would be filling it and I also would be really looking into my part of the marriage. Again I'm NOT blaming this on you but I think you may have an opportunity here to stop anything more from happening. You know what they say if you let it go and it comes back its yours. Hugs mama I'm here if you want to talk





Quoting expectnanother:

well they are both trying to rekindle the relationship so I don't think it's going to die down anytime shortly hell iit might even get more intense. I have  thought about going with th  flow and becoming friends with her and seeing how it goes. I think in the end that  what's goin  to end up happening because I don't want my hubby to resent me as you put it for this ...





Quoting JZB:

Make her your best friend, seriously. Its the keep your friends close and your enemy closer. You can forbid him all you want but that just puts you in a role for him to resent you. When we hooked up dh had a female friend. I didn't like it but I didn't put up too much of a fuss either. As we grew stronger their relationship dwindled to near nothing. They are on fb but they haven't talked or anything. Maybe this can be viewed as an opportunity to grow your marriage. Does a church near you have Restoring the Gift of Marriage program? Well worth it.






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sadee456
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Ask him if he will b ok with u inviting a male friend over, bet he wont b.
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Ladybugmama86
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:27 PM

 Sorry I would put my foot down and say HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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SassyLaLa85
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:33 PM

I went through the same thing to a point. I am sorry for what you are going through.

I am a firm believer that husbands should not be texting other women and that wives do not text other men.

You never know what might happen.

expectnanother
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 3:36 PM

i told him that i was going to get a male friend an invite him over an he said he would be ok with it.. i told him ok ill find a guy an become friends with him an invite him over.. then he started not being so ok with it. he started saying its different ive known her for 4 yrs.. an i was like ok ill find a guy tlk to him only on the phone for a yr an meet him a few times then we will be on ur level of friendship with this girl and then i can invite him over.. he says hes ok with it but most definantly didnt act ok with i                Quoting sadee456:


Ask him if he will b ok with u inviting a male friend over, bet he wont b.


MrsRi
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 4:36 PM

Wow... It's sad how many distrustful people are married...

Anyway.

Yes, I'd be upset about this situation.  He shouldn't have invited her over for a weekend without first discussing it with me.  That goes for any friend though - male or female.  I would talk to him, let him know why I'm upset and let him know in the future that I'd appreciate a heads up and what not.  Also I'd take some time to get to know this woman.  My DH has several friends who are females and if I didn't know them before hand, I know them now.  We might not be as close as they are, but we have a good relationship.

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