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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I need some serious advice!

 I just recently got married 6 mos ago, and I have been with my DH for about 5 years now. We have had some serious  problems that we have had worked through (thank you Jesus) but it seems lately it's just not working out. I don't know why. Sometimes I can be insecure and I understand that is not healthy. There is a 15 yr difference between us, and I guess the way I would like things to be is too much like " I'm not like that anymore" We don't go out, I'm a stay at home mom, I homeschool my kids and I want some affection, I want him to take me out and tell me he loves me. I'm wondering if maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. I need advice, what should I do and how I do go about addressing my issues with him?

by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:15 AM
Replies (21-30):
Kes1s
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:18 PM

40 isn't as old as it's being credited for here.  40 is still in the building phase, still in the baby making phase, still in the mow the yard and bbq on the weekends phase.  Actually with the OP homeschooling and both seem very family oriented.

40 year olds are not dying in the recliners and pulling their pants up to their armpits yet.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I know people will jump on me for this, but I agree. A 25 year old and a 40 year old are just at completely different stages in life. I'm not going to say that it won't work because I don't know the OP or her situation, but I think large age differences are better in older people. If she was 40 and he was 55, I could see this working better because both parties would be on a more even keel with one another.

Quoting Lindalou907:

15 years is a big age difference, really too much. Try counseling. If he won't go then you go anyway and get some advice on how to handle this.



StayHomeMom0610
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:22 PM

 This was the best advice! Thanks!! and you're right, it isn't an age thing!

Quoting Kes1s:

Doesn't sound like an age thing.  Sounds like a 'don't know how to ask for what I want without getting more focused on being angry and needing to vent and then he gets angry back because he thought he was doing good' thing. 

 

Try asking him if you can go to dinner or or a movie you want to see together.  Maybe a matinee if money is an issue.  Don't start the conversation with the standard you nevers.  Just ask him out, go out, be happy and be done with it.  Ask him the way you would a perfect stranger with a clean slate.

 

rayroe2
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:26 PM

what are you insecure about?  does he say he is not like that anymore?

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:50 PM

I'm about to be 36. I'm well aware of what you are saying. I'm not saying that at 40 you hang up your hat and sail into old age, what I am saying is that a 25 year old and a 40 year old are in very different phases of life. Also, just my opinion, 40 is too old to still be in baby making phase. 

Quoting Kes1s:

40 isn't as old as it's being credited for here.  40 is still in the building phase, still in the baby making phase, still in the mow the yard and bbq on the weekends phase.  Actually with the OP homeschooling and both seem very family oriented.

40 year olds are not dying in the recliners and pulling their pants up to their armpits yet.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I know people will jump on me for this, but I agree. A 25 year old and a 40 year old are just at completely different stages in life. I'm not going to say that it won't work because I don't know the OP or her situation, but I think large age differences are better in older people. If she was 40 and he was 55, I could see this working better because both parties would be on a more even keel with one another.

Quoting Lindalou907:

15 years is a big age difference, really too much. Try counseling. If he won't go then you go anyway and get some advice on how to handle this.




Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:25 PM

Here's the thing with much older men, they like to be in charge, they pick younger women for a reason. Then, when the younger woman grows up and starts asking for what she wants and needs, things fall apart. Just something I've noticed.

StayHomeMom0610
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:57 PM

 My husband didn't "pick me" and I didn't "pick him"  all im saying is that things are just not the same. =( 

Quoting Lindalou907:

Here's the thing with much older men, they like to be in charge, they pick younger women for a reason. Then, when the younger woman grows up and starts asking for what she wants and needs, things fall apart. Just something I've noticed.

 

StayHomeMom0610
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:59 PM

 When I met my husband I already had one child and so did he, we were both on the same page as well as the same phase in life. The party life never really seemed like my thing.  It's just now that we are married I feel he is getting lazy and using age as an excuse.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I'm about to be 36. I'm well aware of what you are saying. I'm not saying that at 40 you hang up your hat and sail into old age, what I am saying is that a 25 year old and a 40 year old are in very different phases of life. Also, just my opinion, 40 is too old to still be in baby making phase. 

Quoting Kes1s:

40 isn't as old as it's being credited for here.  40 is still in the building phase, still in the baby making phase, still in the mow the yard and bbq on the weekends phase.  Actually with the OP homeschooling and both seem very family oriented.

40 year olds are not dying in the recliners and pulling their pants up to their armpits yet.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I know people will jump on me for this, but I agree. A 25 year old and a 40 year old are just at completely different stages in life. I'm not going to say that it won't work because I don't know the OP or her situation, but I think large age differences are better in older people. If she was 40 and he was 55, I could see this working better because both parties would be on a more even keel with one another.

Quoting Lindalou907:

15 years is a big age difference, really too much. Try counseling. If he won't go then you go anyway and get some advice on how to handle this.


 


 

StayHomeMom0610
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:02 PM

 I love your comment! Like you said we do all the weekend bbq's, family gatherings, and other stuff.. but I guess sometimes I just want him all to me. I want to cuddle, he'll cuddle but I always have to do it first. I want him to cuddle be romantic because he wants to.   40 is still very young, and I want him to not use that as an excuse

Quoting Kes1s:

40 isn't as old as it's being credited for here.  40 is still in the building phase, still in the baby making phase, still in the mow the yard and bbq on the weekends phase.  Actually with the OP homeschooling and both seem very family oriented.

40 year olds are not dying in the recliners and pulling their pants up to their armpits yet.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I know people will jump on me for this, but I agree. A 25 year old and a 40 year old are just at completely different stages in life. I'm not going to say that it won't work because I don't know the OP or her situation, but I think large age differences are better in older people. If she was 40 and he was 55, I could see this working better because both parties would be on a more even keel with one another.

Quoting Lindalou907:

15 years is a big age difference, really too much. Try counseling. If he won't go then you go anyway and get some advice on how to handle this.


 

 

Sunshine2plus2
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you need a break from the kids. Rent a hotel and you two go out for the night! Sounds like you need to spend some one and one time and work on things!

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:51 PM
I'm not talking about partying. I'm talking about the fact that he has 15 years more life experience. I'm 35, if I were single I wouldn't be able to date someone who was 25, I'd have nothing in common with them. I can't keep up with my 25 year old friends from work. They're nice people, but they are all so young in so many ways.

Quoting StayHomeMom0610:

 When I met my husband I already had one child and so did he, we were both on the same page as well as the same phase in life. The party life never really seemed like my thing.  It's just now that we are married I feel he is getting lazy and using age as an excuse.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


I'm about to be 36. I'm well aware of what you are saying. I'm not saying that at 40 you hang up your hat and sail into old age, what I am saying is that a 25 year old and a 40 year old are in very different phases of life. Also, just my opinion, 40 is too old to still be in baby making phase. 


Quoting Kes1s:


40 isn't as old as it's being credited for here.  40 is still in the building phase, still in the baby making phase, still in the mow the yard and bbq on the weekends phase.  Actually with the OP homeschooling and both seem very family oriented.


40 year olds are not dying in the recliners and pulling their pants up to their armpits yet.


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:


I know people will jump on me for this, but I agree. A 25 year old and a 40 year old are just at completely different stages in life. I'm not going to say that it won't work because I don't know the OP or her situation, but I think large age differences are better in older people. If she was 40 and he was 55, I could see this working better because both parties would be on a more even keel with one another.


Quoting Lindalou907:


15 years is a big age difference, really too much. Try counseling. If he won't go then you go anyway and get some advice on how to handle this.




 




 

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