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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

After 31 yrs of marriage talking about divorce!

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My parents got into a huge argument yesterday because my dad left my mom at the unemployment office because she was taking to long and he was ready to go home so he left. My mom had to call me to come get her 30 min away because she didn't have a ride. She gets home tells him she doesn't appreciate being stranded with no ride and she didn't deserve that.

Things got heated and my dad told my mom that either he was leaving or she had to and if he left he didn't plan on staying around here! My mom told him she didn't want either one to leave she wanted them to stay together and work things out but dad says that's not an option so my mom is staying with me and my dh.

They won't talk to each other and divorce has been thrown around! I don't want my parents to divorce! I don't know what I would do. I wish I could do something to help them. I'm trying to stay strong for my mom because she hasn't stopped crying since yesterday afternoon! I don't know what to say to make her feel better! I know she is so tore up inside! Needed to vent to someone don't want to make my mom feel worse than she already does! I just can't believe after 31 yrs something like this blew up so big :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 3:21 PM
Replies (31-40):
TabM
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Maybe try sitting down and talking to your mom about it. But not as a daughter talking to her mom looking for answers but as women supporting each other. It may help both of you alot. You to see what is really going on and what lead up to what seems like this sudden event and Her to get it all out there on the table and figure out what she wants to happen with this. While she is devestated about it now, could it maybe be a positive empowering life change for her.

And if you are proud of her for standing up for herself after all of the these years, tell her so. She could probably use a friend right now. Maybe you could help each other through it and make you closer as you see her more as a woman struggling than as a mother failing. Good luck :)

MyBigFam6
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:15 PM
If they cant ger along then they dont need to be together. My parents were together married since 1994, dateing since 1985 (even though my dad was married). The seperated in 2011. Best things for em. He is happy where is he now and she is happy to. I dont have to hear your mom this or your dad this. Which I heard my whole life. I know it hurts but you have tobunderstand like you they dont want to hurt or be hurt. That fowl of your father to leave her there he is suppose to be supportive no matter what. If he cant then your mom deserves better. I think that your to close to advise them. One because your going to try and keep them together bc thats your normal. Thats understandable and ok but your mom needs to do whats best for her. I hope they can seek counsle and get help and stay together. To many people throw marriages away when all there needs to be is compsssion and flexibility. People become selfish and inconsiderate. Not saying that your parents have went to that point just an overall opinion of a majority of people I know and have seen do such. I pray they work it out. Your safest place is stand back and watching. Of course help your mom but dont take sides in know love your dad to. Also know that your dad to is only human, men have a problem expressing themselves. But he also has needs maybe theres something going on with him that he may not have expressed. I hope for you and yiur kids they can come together and see what they created and that they belong together. But if not honey be a big girl it will be okay. And learn from this to protect your marriage or future marriage
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emarin77
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:15 PM

Well the problem is just not your you dad leaving the unemployment office.  It is other problems in the relationship and your parents need to talk it out and come to a compromise.

McM0609
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:18 PM
1 mom liked this
They should watch Hopes Springs. Really good movie, but i dont recommend you watching it with them. GL
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JenniferW67
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Exactly!

Quoting pinkysmommy720:

Have you tried talking to your dad? You said they were at the unemployment office, did your mom lose her job? Maybe that is causing extra stress between them.  I know things get stressful between my parents when finances are tough even though they have no kids at home.


connor12907
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:21 PM

My parents were together for 25 years, divorced my senior year of high school.. They fought all the time, and just stayed together for the kids is what we were told after. It's hard mama, but it happens. :(

vinalex0581
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:21 PM

well if he's anything like my SO then your dad just said it because he was upset.

sometimes people say things they don't mean when fighting. maybe he just needs time to cool down??

maybe in a couple of days, your mom can go back home and your dad might act like nothing happened??

Quoting Thomasmom07:

My dad has always had a temper and gets angry easily but it's never gotten to the point that they have talked about divorce. I don't know if its because my mom finally stood up to him told him he is acting like an ass because she normally just drops it and acts like nothing is wrong. I know divorce happens just never thought it could possible be my parents.


Quoting poshkat:

My parents divorced after 30 years of unhappily being married. Is this something he's always done or new? Sometimes couples go into marriage and grow apart but don't really notice until the children are out of the house.


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vinalex0581
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:23 PM

i agree with her.

Quoting pinkysmommy720:

Have you tried talking to your dad? You said they were at the unemployment office, did your mom lose her job? Maybe that is causing extra stress between them.  I know things get stressful between my parents when finances are tough even though they have no kids at home.


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vinalex0581
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:34 PM

yup!

sounds just like my SO.

i have a feeling they won't end up getting a divorce.

once your father calms down, he might realize that if they divorce no one else would want to put up with his attitude and might have second thoughts on divorcing her.

honestly, i can't believe that she has been putting up with his attitude for so long.

she should be celebrating, not crying, lol!!

i'm sorry i'm laughing but your father sounds like my SO and I got so sick of the way he was treating me that I left his sorry ass christmas eve and didn't come back until 4 days later when he apologized to me.

if he didn't punch out our livingroom tv and then come charging after me, then he wouldn't have missed his sons very first christmas, that pissed him off the most.

if your mom is the type of wife that has waited on your father hand and foot for the past 30 years, give it a week and your father won't know what to do with himself.

if your mom waits it out long enough, he might surprise her and he might go crawling back to your mom, wanting her back.

idk though.......it's just a guess. i can't read your fathers thoughts.

there's another way of looking at it, if your father had enough of their marriage and was looking for a way out of it, then he took his opportunity to do so when they were at unemployment.  their marriage could have been over a while ago, he was just looking for an excuse to say something.

anywho..........i wish your parents alot of luck and i hope that it's just his time of the month and he realizes that your mom is the best thing that has happened to him and i hope that he realizes it before it's to late.

like one famous person once said, "you don't realize what you have until it's gone."

Quoting Thomasmom07:

My dad is way to stubborn to do any type of counseling. As far as I know there has been no infidelity but I couldn't say for sure. I'm trying to stay out of it but with my mom living with me is tough.


Quoting Lindalou907:

I'm sorry, I hope they can work it out, it sucks for you to be in the middle of this. Like the previous poster said, they may have been very unhappy for years and this is just the last straw. Or is your mom menopausal perhaps? Have they been to counseling? Any infidelity that you're aware of?



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Mom_to_Lincoln
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:35 PM

I have the feeling that there have been problems going on other then this incident.  Maybe some time apart will give them both some time to think about what they really want, and decide if they want to work on the relationship or end it. It's sad but things like this happen. Sometimes all it takes is some good communication to help resolve the issues but sometimes there is no helping it at all.

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