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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I'm disappointed in my DH

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:21 AM
  • 30 Replies

Just seeking some support and/or advice here.  Please no bashing....I'm feeling vulnerable enough posting this as it is.

My DH has a drinking problem.  He is what you would call a functioning alcoholic, he drinks everyday but can still get up & go to work everyday.  He buys on a daily basis a small bottle of Bacardi & two 20 oz beers. 

He knows that alcohol has caused problems in our marriage.  He then said that for his New Year's resolution he was going to stop drinking all together.  He couldn't even go an entire week, he went to the liquor store yesterday & got his usual.

I know that when you are an alcoholic you can't quit just like that, sometimes you need outside help.  I am just so disappointed that he doesn't know how to deal without alcohol.  He knows he has a problem, but since he has gone to AA before & heard other people's crazy life stories - he doesn't think his problem is as bad as theirs.  Hence, why it's not a big deal for him to drink.

If I stay with him I realize I am enabling his behavior.  If I leave him, techinically speaking my life will be less stress.  I don't know why I am so torn & why leaving is so hard.  :-(

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
1der1
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM
4 moms liked this

Give him an ultimatum.  If he doesn't follow then leave him.

boricua3177
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:35 AM


Quoting 1der1:

Give him an ultimatum.  If he doesn't follow then leave him.


You are absolutely right, the time has come that an ultimatum has to be put in place.  Sigh....

momcoupontexas
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:59 PM
I can relate. Mine drinks daily. Im ready to do something. Problem is I have two kids and because of our situation which is a mess, I would be the one moving out with the kids. I know I need to do something!! Good luck to you
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steffielou_who
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:04 PM
You know, my dad and papaw were very bad alcoholics! And my nephew died because my bil was busy getting drunk and my sister was high! So, I don't care how alcoholic any of them are! Leave him!
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MJP76
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I think this situation isn't really so cut and dry.

if he's a decent human being, and is not abusive and a good father, and is a functioning alcoholic. And he's even decent when he has been drinking.... I'd try to get him help. (Which would be in the ultimatum)

if he's just a total ass when he's been drinking and sucks as a human being, then I wouldn't even bother with an ultimatum...

my ex-husband was just a total asshole alcoholic.. I just left...

zoo003
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:24 PM

Unfortunately, you cannot want it more than he does.  You cannot make him change until he is ready.  It just won't last if he isn't on board.  However, that does not mean you have to live in the situation either.  Do you have kids?  How are they affected by living in a house with an alcoholic who refuses to get help?    Good luck. 

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:42 PM

 No advice

bump

JZB
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Addiction is a hard thing hugs
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JZB
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:47 PM
Addiction is an avoidance mechanism he will do much better if he can figure out why he needs it and what he's avoiding and dealing. with that issue
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allie5489
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:51 PM

my husband had a drinking problem... really bad... used to b able to drink vodka and all the hard crap.. i hated it with a passion.. :( it took alot to get off the drinking but i got it to happen but my dh is still addicted to something...  it will never end for me im always told that dh either gets painmeds or booze..... i hate it.. im sorry your havingthose problems..:( good luck with everything!!! i hope all gets better!!!!!

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