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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

When Your Man Leads

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:23 AM
  • 33 Replies

Do you let him?


We have a traditional Christian Faith based Marriage; yes this involves Biblical Submission -not discipline like the weird website everyone likes to put up... I've seen the site every time I've used the words Christian and Marriage together.  It's gotten old explaining that I don't understand what good spanking me does unless you're trying to get me off, or piss me off.  Neither were the intentions of that website I think.


So back to my question.  When he leads, whether it's taking charge of an activity or a "teaching moment" do you let him? 

When I say a Teaching Moment, I mean the times he decides to explain the value of washing the tires first on the car, or working your triceps with your elbows together or the dangers of deep diving and nitrogen narcosis...  or any other thing of the moment.  Warm up the car for five minutes... Don't bargain from a position of weakness...  the difference between us and them is training and if you were looking for easy, you should have stayed in bed...  lol



by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gabeybaby07
by Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:25 AM

I think we are pretty much equal, more when we are alone. When we are with people i usually let him lead. But its different when its just us. I joke with him "Women really wear the pants in the family, we just let the men think they do" .. lol. But i would def say that we share the lead. Im better at some things and hes better at others.

Ama2Gunner
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:28 AM

If my husband knows more about something that I do, then yes, I let him explain what he knows. If I know more about something than he does, he lets me explain. 

That's kind of how respectful relationships work. 

lapcounter
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:30 AM
This minus the respectful part, too me that's kind of rude.

Quoting Ama2Gunner:

If my husband knows more about something that I do, then yes, I let him explain what he knows. If I know more about something than he does, he lets me explain. 

That's kind of how respectful relationships work. 

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momofthree929
by Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I think we are pretty equal. I do go with his flow unless I completly dissagree with him. We have kinda figured each other out and make many compromises.

RheaF
by Silver Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this

 Yes I do. Thankfully I have been blessed with a husband I can fully trust to take the lead for our family.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:48 AM
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There is something about the term "teaching moment" that really gets under my skin. I'm not a school aged child, I'm an intelligent adult woman. I will never let someone talk to me like I'm a moron. If I don't know how to do something, I'll ask, but my husband is in no way overall superior to me and most of the important situations in our life have been up to me to resolve, not him.
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Kes1s
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I think because I put in the Christian bit people are running off on this equality tangent.  There is the belief that becuse Submission is part of the relationship that equality must not be or that the individuals practicing it are throwbacks to the 1800's or something.

Respect in our relationship means we don't tolerate disrespectful body language, eye rolling, pursed lips, turning your back when someone is speaking to you, raised voices are unacceptable and that we don't blame we fix.  Everything we do is to create a household culture of generosity.  When someone asks hey, can you... the answer is always yes because you are respecting that person enough to know hey would not ask something unreasonable.

This obviously would not work if either party attempted to abuse the generosity of the other party.  It only works when we can maturely separate wants and needs and self regulate to be reasonable.


When he leads, for me, it means giving over control because he has decided to lead the charge.  Maybe this is something that is kind of out there because I don't think most gals can picture a man leading the charge for a day at the zoo or unpacking the house after moving.  When he "leads" it means I give over control and accountability.  If we get where we're going and our daughter doesn't have a sweatshirt with her, I'd never be asked or berated about the sweatshirt.  It was a team mistake and since he's leading, he takes that accountability.

I communicate give over to him what I need to get the job done and he makes sure I have it, at the cost of being acocuntable to him with my progress and he works to remove any obstacles that may arise mid project.  The printer broke.  The car broke.  The dog is driving me crazy...

and vice versa.  When he is working on a project he delegates his needs because the benefit is for the team, even when the actions and methods are not exactly 50/50




Quoting Ama2Gunner:

If my husband knows more about something that I do, then yes, I let him explain what he knows. If I know more about something than he does, he lets me explain. 

That's kind of how respectful relationships work. 


Kes1s
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 11:55 AM

There is no 'overall'

I married someone who I can say can do it better than me.  That was a big part of my criteria in a man.  I wanted someone who was a leader and who had more life experience than I have.  I grew up in an Air Force family and he was a Seal, so I think we also bring a bit of military hierarchy to our relationship.  He is the commanding officer and he has always gotten it done without fail.


Teaching moment is a great word for that exact reason.  It demands that you get over your baggage and let someone in.  Take the locks off the doors to your mind unconditionally for one person.  Put the ego to the side that says I don't need you, and letting him be needed.  Not because you couldn't do it yourself but because doing it together forms a bond, and to do it together someone has to lead and someone has to follow to get the job done effectively.  There can't be two Generals to one team.

We've had the triceps/ elbows together discussion a million times, (we work out together regularly) so he jumps in and cleans up my form while I'm doing my set.  I already know what he's going to say, but I still listen, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I drop the weights loudly when I finish and go *So There!* but I enjoy that he is interested enough to tell me to breathe even though I already know.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

There is something about the term "teaching moment" that really gets under my skin. I'm not a school aged child, I'm an intelligent adult woman. I will never let someone talk to me like I'm a moron. If I don't know how to do something, I'll ask, but my husband is in no way overall superior to me and most of the important situations in our life have been up to me to resolve, not him.


ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:04 PM
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Ok, great. Glad that works for you, wouldn't work for me. That's not the kind of lifestyle I want. I'm married to a Sailor too, but I'm not one of his Airmen. I'm his wife, and if he tried to constantly correct me we'd never survive as a couple. We each have strengths and weaknesses, I'm not so weak that I need him to make decisions for me.

We are also not religious and do not adhere to biblical teachings. I'm glad your life works for you and makes you happy, that is all any of us can ask for.


Quoting Kes1s:

There is no 'overall'

I married someone who I can say can do it better than me.  That was a big part of my criteria in a man.  I wanted someone who was a leader and who had more life experience than I have.  I grew up in an Air Force family and he was a Seal, so I think we also bring a bit of military hierarchy to our relationship.  He is the commanding officer and he has always gotten it done without fail.


Teaching moment is a great word for that exact reason.  It demands that you get over your baggage and let someone in.  Take the locks off the doors to your mind unconditionally for one person.  Put the ego to the side that says I don't need you, and letting him be needed.  Not because you couldn't do it yourself but because doing it together forms a bond, and to do it together someone has to lead and someone has to follow to get the job done effectively.  There can't be two Generals to one team.

We've had the triceps/ elbows together discussion a million times, (we work out together regularly) so he jumps in and cleans up my form while I'm doing my set.  I already know what he's going to say, but I still listen, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I drop the weights loudly when I finish and go *So There!* but I enjoy that he is interested enough to tell me to breathe even though I already know.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

There is something about the term "teaching moment" that really gets under my skin. I'm not a school aged child, I'm an intelligent adult woman. I will never let someone talk to me like I'm a moron. If I don't know how to do something, I'll ask, but my husband is in no way overall superior to me and most of the important situations in our life have been up to me to resolve, not him.


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Kes1s
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this

You might want to work on your communication skills.  Your between the lines implications that someone must be "weak" in order to live differently than you is rude.  It's actually called an Ad Hominem in debate.  (teaching moment!  Yay!) 


Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

Ok, great. Glad that works for you, wouldn't work for me. That's not the kind of lifestyle I want. I'm married to a Sailor too, but I'm not one of his Airmen. I'm his wife, and if he tried to constantly correct me we'd never survive as a couple. We each have strengths and weaknesses, I'm not so weak that I need him to make decisions for me.

We are also not religious and do not adhere to biblical teachings. I'm glad your life works for you and makes you happy, that is all any of us can ask for.


Quoting Kes1s:

There is no 'overall'

I married someone who I can say can do it better than me.  That was a big part of my criteria in a man.  I wanted someone who was a leader and who had more life experience than I have.  I grew up in an Air Force family and he was a Seal, so I think we also bring a bit of military hierarchy to our relationship.  He is the commanding officer and he has always gotten it done without fail.


Teaching moment is a great word for that exact reason.  It demands that you get over your baggage and let someone in.  Take the locks off the doors to your mind unconditionally for one person.  Put the ego to the side that says I don't need you, and letting him be needed.  Not because you couldn't do it yourself but because doing it together forms a bond, and to do it together someone has to lead and someone has to follow to get the job done effectively.  There can't be two Generals to one team.

We've had the triceps/ elbows together discussion a million times, (we work out together regularly) so he jumps in and cleans up my form while I'm doing my set.  I already know what he's going to say, but I still listen, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I drop the weights loudly when I finish and go *So There!* but I enjoy that he is interested enough to tell me to breathe even though I already know.

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

There is something about the term "teaching moment" that really gets under my skin. I'm not a school aged child, I'm an intelligent adult woman. I will never let someone talk to me like I'm a moron. If I don't know how to do something, I'll ask, but my husband is in no way overall superior to me and most of the important situations in our life have been up to me to resolve, not him.



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