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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Curious what do you think is the role of a Wife/Husband, Mom/dad?

Posted by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:21 AM
  • 32 Replies

Hi:  I'm just curious if I'm alone in how I think our roles as husband/wife, mom/dad should be.  

My husband works outside the home 50+ hours a week, I work outside the home 12 hours a week, we have two children one in 1st grade and one in 3rd.  

The only thing that my husband feels he should contribute to our home life is doing the laundry every 2 weeks, only clothes and towels, no bedding.  

He feels that because he makes most of the $$ that I should be responsible for all the cleaning, cooking and child rearing including homework, bedtime and activities.  Also anything to do with the house, paying bills, taking out the trash, recycling, any maintenance, cleaning the garage, decorating for holidays, caring for our 4 pets, including walks and pooper scooping, jumping the cars that don't want to start (he doesn't know how).  I could go on but you get the idea.

He did shovel snow this last time we got it but ONLY around his vehicle and a little behind mine, we have 15 inches of snow and it's still there 2 weeks later.  So there is only one lane that we can go in/out of our driveway and only 1 spot to park outside.  ONLY because I sholved the rest at the road so my car wouldn't bottom out.  Usually I shovel the whole driveway, our walkway and a path for our dogs, but this time he said he would do the driveway, even though he didn't actually do the whole thing.

Yet before we had children we both worked outside the home, I made more $ and I still was responsible for everything including laundry.  His rational that he makes more $$ so he doesn't have to lift a finger is hypocritical.

Help!  I just want to know that there are other strong women out there that believe we are more then this.  We are in counseling at my request and his annoyance.  I'm so very close to filing for divorce but I hestate because we have two kiddos, they are the only thing we've done right in 16 years together.

by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
furbabymum
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

 My DH makes 3 times what I do. He does the dishes every single day. He takes care of DS when I need help. He's been bringing me milk in bed every  morning to help with the morning sickness. He takes care of the dogs. He takes out the trash without prompting.

My DH has been pretty well trained to help out around the house. I wouldn't tolerate anything less.

LaughingTattoo
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:37 AM

My dh is loads busier than I am. He works (I do not), he's in school, hes a writer, and hes conducting a study atm. He still manages to do more than his fair share around the house. If dishes are in the sink, he does them. If I havnt gotten to shoveling yet, he does it. He will cook at my request and when he wants to. He does laundry,ect....

That said, while your dh should do more, YOU are only working 12 hrs a week which compared to his 50....is sticks. You should be able to get the majority of things done. That is just my thoughts on it.

mumof2cuties
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Thanks for your reply!  I do actually get it all done myself, my beef is that he should WANT to help do these things, because I shouldn't HAVE to do them all myself.  It's not a partnership the way things are, There's also no romance or thank yous, and I'm always exhausted from doing everything myself...

Lorena
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:58 AM
My dh works 40+ a week and I am a sahm. So I do most of anything that involves the house. I clean, take care of the kids, pets, bills, Dr appoinments, school things and ect. He will help if he sees that I've had alot going on that day he will do the dishes, cook dinner, help with homework, do bath time, or throw in a load of laundry. I don't expect any of that from him but at home his duties are to support my decisions with the kids, enforce the rules, any repaires that need to be done around the house or on a car, shoveling and yard maintenance (other then my garden). But that doesn't mean that if I find the time I wont do any of those things.
We veiw it as a team and it takes a team to get things done. One person may have to pick up the slack of the other one week but the next it may be reversed. As long as it gets done it doesn't matter who did it.
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BKozICan
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:47 PM

I married a gem. He believes that childcare is pretty much my responsibility from 6:00 a.m. until about 5:30 p.m.(He works outside the home; I don't) when he gets home. Anything outside that is pretty much split 50/50. I do almost all the cooking/shopping/ food prep; he mows the grass and takes care of the exterior. He vacuums and picks up, but I scrub the floors, wash windows. I separate the laundry into loads, he washes and switches it to dryer and we fold together.

i expect that balance to change when our children go to school full time. I want to do more so he has less to do.

BKozICan
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:47 PM

Oh, my husband does the bills because I forget and we get late notices.... :-/

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:52 PM
We each work full time, we make the same amount of money on paper, we sit bills 50/50 and we share housework, although truth be told he does more. I'm more responsible for our daughter though and do the majority of the child rearing.

We're equals in our household in almost every way.
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babyblue415
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM

well i just feel that a man should do man things. hubby works outside of the home and i'm a sahm. i love that i can cater to his every need and him to mines. he does all of the laundry , i only seperate it. he does all the "big" cleanings of the house. only thing i do is take care of the kids and wash dishes, vaccum and cook.

DakotaHaley
by Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:08 PM

How it goes in our house is we pretty much split everything. He works 45 or more hours and I am a SAHM.

  I do most of the cleaning, but if it isn't done when he gets home he doesn't make a fuss and in fact will help me finish what I didn't get too. Sometimes him helping me finish the household chores gets to me makes me feel bad, but he has told me several times he doesn't help to make me feel bad, but also tells me I'm not his maid. So we pretty much work as a team.

      As for the kids we both do our equal share. In fact we take turns each night putting the kids to bed so that way the kids our used to both of us doing it in case one of us isn't home or something.

     As for the discipline of the kids he steps more in on that as I tend to be a softy and can cave easily. Dad on the other hand nobody messes with Dad. lol

       He takes the trash out on trash day,because I am never up in time and he usually does it as he leave for work. All maintenance is done by him as I don't know a thing about that stuff. If it's broke he fixes it.

        I have not shoveled snow since I have been with my hubby he does that. Unless of course he is at work then sometimes I go out so we don't get behind.

  I do believe in your situation he should be helping more. His job isn't his only reponseablity. I would do the counseling like you said and see if things get better and if not then you might want to think about what you want and stuff.


AMDS0304
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:16 PM
I do everything my dh works out of town and sometimes he's gone for a month at a time. When he is home he helps by cooking, taking care of the kids and laundry.
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