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Pretty frustrated with dh and his sleep issue LONG

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:47 PM
  • 23 Replies

I very strongly believe my husband has some sort of sleep issue. He cycles and usually only has 1 wk of "normal" sleep patterns ie, wake in the morning(around 7-8) and go do bed at night(around 10-11).

The rest of the the time it varries. Like right now hes pretty much on a night sechedual, goes to bed at 4am an wakes up between 2-4pm. It starts off though with different hours, never is a set amount of time. Some times he can sleep for 5hrs and be up the next 24hrs, sometimes he sleeps 20hrs is awake for those 4hrs but then is still exausted and sleeps another 12hrs. 

When he was working it was a struggle, he was in the army so he was up by 5am but would sleep in the car when ever he could like after pt, at lunch, when ever he had down time but couldnt make it home. Many days as soon as he got home he would take his boots off and pass out on the couch(at 6pm), and I would struggle to get him to go sleep in bed. He would be asleep until work the next morning. 

Weekends he would sleep ALL day be up all night and usually stay up sunday night until work on monday, come home and sleep until work tuesday morning.


Just as he was getting ready to deploy the last time he was finally given time to go to more than just the PA. All they gave him were "sleep exersizes". They didnt work at all. Then he deployed, then he got out. 

Now Im working and he is staying home. In the last month things have gotten exponential worse. Most mornings he manages to get up enough to get the kids(5 and 3) cereal and fall asleep on the couch the is actually up by 2pm. More frequently though Im coming home at 9am(I work in peoples home and sometimes have time inbetween clients) and he is still very much passed out in bed. The boys are usually just watching netflix or playing minecraft(5yr old knows how to work the xbox). but the 3yr old gets in to stuff. Like he took his poopy diaper off and threw it away and put underwear on, still with poo on his but. He destroyed what was left of his birthday cake. He eats food out of the fridge he not supposed to(hes lactose intolerant). 

Not only all this, but its making me resent him. I work, I come home and he is still asleep. I work late, I come home and he is awake but stays up until 4am and wants me to stay up and spend time with him. Im pregnant and exausted. I havent gone to sleep with him about a month. Days I am not working are spent "alone" because he sleeps all day. We dont get anything done because I cant do all of it myself being pregnant, but then he talkes about how we need to get xyz done(most of it is organizing our house and getting rid of things and moving big boxes.


Here is my issue. Its hard to express how I feel to him because I know he is having a hard time with it. He cant control it. I cant "bitch" at him about it(not that I would, i dont do that) because he cant control it. But Ive had enough. He isnt going to the doctor, he procrastinates about it way to much, just like everything else. He says he will do it but then ends up sleeping all day when he has a "free" day. He wants to start working again and not being a stay at home dad but honestly how is he going to do that if he cant even wake up to watch our kids!!!
 Half the time I feel like I might as well be single, I wouldnt be counting on someone only to be let down KWIM.


by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Titana
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:38 PM
I know how u feel to a degree. My SO works night's and sleeps all the time he isn't working pretty much. His sleep issue is simply not being able to adjust to sleeping nights but still. Ur dh can't help there is an issue but he can help doing nothing about it. THAT'S where the issue is I'm sure. U r upset he won't even try to get help. Talk to him about it and go from there. Support him in getting help....I'm sure it's hard.
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MagicTemptation
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe call and setup an appointment with him and go to the doctor with him? Dont leave it just up to him. Taking those first steps is hard and he may not realize how bad he has gotten.

muisjes
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:28 PM

BUMP!

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:46 PM

Sleep study and appts with his doctor ASAP. He needs to fix this soon!!! Especially with a baby on the way. 

Diatech12
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:10 PM
Quoting MagicTemptation:

Maybe call and setup an appointment with him and go to the doctor with him? Dont leave it just up to him. Taking those first steps is hard and he may not realize how bad he has gotten.





Thank you, I don't think he realizes it either. He has to go threw the va, I can probably get him the numbers and stuff but I don't know if they will let me do anything for him, its very much worth a try though.
Diatech12
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:14 PM
Quoting Titana:

I know how u feel to a degree. My SO works night's and sleeps all the time he isn't working pretty much. His sleep issue is simply not being able to adjust to sleeping nights but still. Ur dh can't help there is an issue but he can help doing nothing about it. THAT'S where the issue is I'm sure. U r upset he won't even try to get help. Talk to him about it and go from there. Support him in getting help....I'm sure it's hard.



That is where the issue is. I feeling like this towards him because when he is awake he is amazing. He cooks dinner, does dishes, cleans the house. He told me he likes to keep the house clean so I'm not stressed when I come home. He rubs lotion on my feet and belly, he rubs my belly all the time. So I feel terribe when I get mad because he is a very good man and I'm thankful for him. This is just a big deal right now.
MagicTemptation
by Gold Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:25 PM


Quoting Diatech12:

Quoting MagicTemptation:

Maybe call and setup an appointment with him and go to the doctor with him? Dont leave it just up to him. Taking those first steps is hard and he may not realize how bad he has gotten.





Thank you, I don't think he realizes it either. He has to go threw the va, I can probably get him the numbers and stuff but I don't know if they will let me do anything for him, its very much worth a try though.

Maybe try giving the VA a call. Tell him you think he is having ptsd issues and it is affecting his sleep. If you get no where there the Veterans helpline. They have a website, I am not on my computer at the moment, they could offer advice.

kagegirl
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:30 PM

Shoot, DF and I aren't even married, and I work more with his VA doctors then he does. SOmetimes, you just have to. Call his doctors, let them know what is going on. Tell them, " I don't care about his diagnoses or whatever, this is what I am seeing, and he needs HELP!" WOrked for me. They got DF in, reworked his meds, and now he is doing so much better than before. I kinda like the schedule we have where he sleeps all day because he takes the night shift with the kids, but then again, we own our business, so, it's not your situation. 

Quoting Diatech12:

Quoting MagicTemptation:

Maybe call and setup an appointment with him and go to the doctor with him? Dont leave it just up to him. Taking those first steps is hard and he may not realize how bad he has gotten.





Thank you, I don't think he realizes it either. He has to go threw the va, I can probably get him the numbers and stuff but I don't know if they will let me do anything for him, its very much worth a try though.



Diatech12
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Quoting kagegirl:





That is actually really encouraging to hear! I'm over by the va quite a bit. Do you think going in an talking to someone face to face would work better?
i.heart.myboys
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:18 AM
I agree completely with this

Quoting TommyAbby:

Sleep study and appts with his doctor ASAP. He needs to fix this soon!!! Especially with a baby on the way. 

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