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I don't know what to do anymore ),:

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:52 PM
  • 13 Replies
A couple weeks ago my DHs dad passed away. My DH was the only one in the room when he took his last breath. I was at home in Cali with my 2 children and my 3 neices (so my DHs Ls could go and be with him)

Since then he has not been the same. He will not say anything to me about it at all. The only reason I know what I just told you is because my MIL told me that's what he said. He is not the sweet lover of mine he is a total asshole. He has become very secretive of everything he does everyone he talks to. I try so hard to be happy all the time, to not ask questions and to just let him be but its killing me. He is hiding something from me and I'm falling apart. He got a new phone out a lock on it, changed his password, goes outside to talk to everyone or ignores every call/txt when he is with me ALWAYS has his phone face down and if he checks it he always turns so that I can never see the front of his phone. He sucks at hiding things from me and he is so odviouse about about it. I'm dying inside, I'm losing my fucking mind. I have not said anything to him because if I do he is going to explod on me. The first time I brought it up he flipped a gasket last time I almost touched his phone he damn near had a heart attack. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep my mouth shut before I go insane and lose it.

I just wanna scream
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:31 AM

My husband's best friend died a couple of years ago and he is still not the same, now this is your husband's Father, it is going to be a LONG while especially since he was there when it happened.  men grieve differently than women.  Most men dont like to cry in front of their loved ones.  Eh, I would let it go for a while.  He may feel comfortable talking to someone other than you because he doesnt want to seem weak to you if he is the machismo sort of manly man.  Give him time.

toybar02
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:59 AM
5 moms liked this
i understand that he lost his father but thats no excuse for being a prick, all the secretive behavior makes it seem like he was cheating, i was in a relationship like that where he started hiding his phone, talking to other females and never wanted me to see the phone, you shouldnt have to tiptoe around your own house because he wants to act that way, keep your eyes open, because you will definitely get signs if something isnt right , womans intuition never lies, if it becomes too much sit him down and let him know how you feel, my husband cries in front of me so thats not an excuse, hes just being an asshole and needs to deal with his grief in a better way, good luck mama
polkaspots
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Talk to him the problems you are having. If he doesn't want to talk about his dad, that's his choice. Talking about your relationship isn't optional though.
i.heart.myboys
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:10 AM
1 mom liked this
Make sure to talk to him. Really tell him how you feel and don't censor yourself. I'm so sorry that he's treating you like that. (hugs) You are in my prayers.
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PrdNate
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this

My husbands mother died 3 years ago and I was in the room and had to make the call to my husband.  Like your husband, my husband has also not been the same since. He is moody and wont talk -- I really think its how they grieve (at least that's what I hope)  You just need to give him his space - prove to him that you trust him and you'll be there for him.  I have stopped asking my husband to talk about it because he wont.  Try to be patient -- losing a parent (especially if he was close to his father) is very difficult.  Good luck -- I know how you feel and it may be a long road to normalcy in your house!!

Ruffnekwife87
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:45 AM
He is the kind of man that thinks crying is for pussys. He always says he feels no emotion to anything and he even says he is an asshole all the time


Quoting MixedCooke:

My husband's best friend died a couple of years ago and he is still not the same, now this is your husband's Father, it is going to be a LONG while especially since he was there when it happened.  men grieve differently than women.  Most men dont like to cry in front of their loved ones.  Eh, I would let it go for a while.  He may feel comfortable talking to someone other than you because he doesnt want to seem weak to you if he is the machismo sort of manly man.  Give him time.


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SlightlyPerfect
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:52 AM

Sounds like a major existential crisis he has on his hands. I suggest counseling once he sorts through some things alone.

slightlyperfect

Ruffnekwife87
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:52 AM
He was not close to his dad at all. His dad walked out on him and his 2 sister when they were very little then my DHs dad started over with a new women and she has 2 kids a boy and a girl. My DHs dad was there from the time those 2 kids were born to the day he died. I was once thinking that it might also be hard on him to now have his brother and sister a bigger part of his life but still deep down resenting and have bad feeling about them because they got to have a dad and my lover didn't?


Quoting PrdNate:

My husbands mother died 3 years ago and I was in the room and had to make the call to my husband.  Like your husband, my husband has also not been the same since. He is moody and wont talk -- I really think its how they grieve (at least that's what I hope)  You just need to give him his space - prove to him that you trust him and you'll be there for him.  I have stopped asking my husband to talk about it because he wont.  Try to be patient -- losing a parent (especially if he was close to his father) is very difficult.  Good luck -- I know how you feel and it may be a long road to normalcy in your house!!


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furbabymum
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 10:57 AM

 counseling. My DH did mortuary affairs in the military. He's seen and handled tons of dead people who died in horrid ways. Sometimes people just need to talk about it. The phone thing wouldn't be cool with me. I'm not the stay silent type either.

2lilmamas
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:05 AM
I know he is going through a tough time now but does justify his behavior. As his partner he should feel your support and love. Sad say but just ask him he looks like he is up to no good. Better you know the truth you dont need to be in the dark about how he feels.
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