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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Married but pregnant by rape.. please help..

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:54 PM
  • 88 Replies

Please don't bash me. My intentions where good to begin with.. now i'm rethinking everything.

Here is a time line tht might help you understand more. .

  • September 2011 - My husband and I married. Two weeks after he left me for another woman. we ended up sleeping together while he was with her. we both got pregnant at the same time.
  • December 2011 - I had a miscarriage and we ended up trying to work things out.
  • April 2012 - We where still hving alot of issues with him getting her pregnant. I ended up leaving him for two nights to hang out with my guy friend. I know it sounds bad but we where strictly friends until he raped me that night. I came back to my husband and didn't tell him. I tried acting normal and ended up sleeping with him two days after i was raped. I didn't tell anybody what had happend to me.
  • May 2012 - My husband and I's first daughter turned two. That day of her party I took a pregnancy test which came up positive. I went to my midwife and she confirmed that i was indeed pregnant. I was raped on the 20th of April, had slept with my husband the 24th. My midwife said her estimate was that I conceived around the 24th give or take a couple days. I told my husband I was pregnant but didn't say anything about being raped or maybe that it was not his baby.
  • August 2012 - His daughter from another woman was born and we soon found out we where having another girl.
  • January 2013 - My due date is today. My husband still does not know about the rape and still does not know our daughter may not be his and neither does anybody else.

I chose to not tell my husband because i was afraid he would make me give the baby up. I love my baby so much nd it would kill me. Through random conversation he has told me he wouldn't leave me if I was carrying somebbody elses child. Yes i beleive him but my guilt is getting the best of me.. I so badly want to tell him but I'm so scared.. and wht if he tells somebody else it was by rape? or wht if he doesn't beleive me that it was rape because we where hving problems? I'm so scared and I don't know wht to do. Please don't bash me.. Just please give me advice..

I don't think it matters how old I am. Why i went back to him after he slept with some one else or why i still slept with him while he was with her. It happend. I can't change it now. All i wnt to know is what I can do now. Its too late to press charges as this happend in april and there would be no proof.

When I went to go hang out with this guy it was strictly as friends. We had been friends for a while so why would i think he would do that to me? If you don't beleive me then fine. I dont' expect everybody to. But it happend and all i'm asking for is help.

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bpryce
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this

you should tell your husband the truth. I couldnt imagine keeping a secret from my dh, especially one so big.

clippingmom
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:02 PM

the truth ALWAYS has a way of rearing its ugly head...............come clean and deal with the fall out.

MaddiesMama09
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:05 PM
3 moms liked this
That secret will eat at you for the rest of your life. Paternity test the moment that baby is born and for goodness sake, come clean! He may not want to stay with you if you have another mans child, but think of how much he will totally RESENT you for completely wittholding something so important from him. I think that would be worse than him leaving. Especially Considering you already have a child with him. Don't give him reason to never trust you again.
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raegan1221
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:13 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm so sorry. :( if I were you, Id tell him in a calm setting. He deserves to know the truth, and you deserve to rid yourself of that guilt. It was not your fault you were raped. **hugs** good luck, sweetie.
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babykrumbz
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this
honesty is the best policy confess ask for his forgiveness he has also made a mistake maybe he will forgive you 2
kayleesmom42328
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:23 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to talk to him & tell him the truth. If you did get pregnant by the other guy the baby will have some of his features. Dh will notice.
You can't have a good marriage if you aren't open, honest & have secrets. The longer you wait to tell him, the harder it will be on you both. Also should the baby have a medical problem the drs need to know both parents medical history. So you will eventually have to tell him. If you are a praying woman, I suggest prayer & be honest. Hope everything works out.
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Mrs.Pedro
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Nobody can force you to give your baby up. When you have baby go get a paternity test to set your mind at ease after telling him. He deserved to know it may not be his, and why it happened that way.
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mommyof31024
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't tell you're husband it's to late for that not saying I don't believe you but you're husband prolly won't because you waited so long. When that happen you should of called the cops right away and put that nasty man I'n jail. If you tell him you could ruin you're relationship for good he may never forgive you think of it like this if you really got raped do you think it's worth telling you're husband and ruining you're relationship? Let it go trust me.
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jett286
by Member on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry!  What a horrible ordeal you've been through.  I'm not sure what I would do, since you didn't tell anyone about the rape (which is fairly common and I'm sorry) ~ if I were in your situation I might just wait to see when she is born if she looks like one guy more or the other and if it's not that clear cut have a paternity test ~ or you could beleive your mid-wife and just take on the 24th conception date...and go with that....It's certainly NOT your fault you were raped, and you don't know for sure at this point who the father is, I don't think it's like you were sleeping around and don't know.  Gosh ~ I hope things work out for you whatever you decide to do...

x_Starr_x
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 7:37 PM
3 moms liked this
all 3 of u should do DNA who's to say other lady messed around with someone else
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