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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Married but pregnant by rape.. please help..

Please don't bash me. My intentions where good to begin with.. now i'm rethinking everything.

Here is a time line tht might help you understand more. .

  • September 2011 - My husband and I married. Two weeks after he left me for another woman. we ended up sleeping together while he was with her. we both got pregnant at the same time.
  • December 2011 - I had a miscarriage and we ended up trying to work things out.
  • April 2012 - We where still hving alot of issues with him getting her pregnant. I ended up leaving him for two nights to hang out with my guy friend. I know it sounds bad but we where strictly friends until he raped me that night. I came back to my husband and didn't tell him. I tried acting normal and ended up sleeping with him two days after i was raped. I didn't tell anybody what had happend to me.
  • May 2012 - My husband and I's first daughter turned two. That day of her party I took a pregnancy test which came up positive. I went to my midwife and she confirmed that i was indeed pregnant. I was raped on the 20th of April, had slept with my husband the 24th. My midwife said her estimate was that I conceived around the 24th give or take a couple days. I told my husband I was pregnant but didn't say anything about being raped or maybe that it was not his baby.
  • August 2012 - His daughter from another woman was born and we soon found out we where having another girl.
  • January 2013 - My due date is today. My husband still does not know about the rape and still does not know our daughter may not be his and neither does anybody else.

I chose to not tell my husband because i was afraid he would make me give the baby up. I love my baby so much nd it would kill me. Through random conversation he has told me he wouldn't leave me if I was carrying somebbody elses child. Yes i beleive him but my guilt is getting the best of me.. I so badly want to tell him but I'm so scared.. and wht if he tells somebody else it was by rape? or wht if he doesn't beleive me that it was rape because we where hving problems? I'm so scared and I don't know wht to do. Please don't bash me.. Just please give me advice..

I don't think it matters how old I am. Why i went back to him after he slept with some one else or why i still slept with him while he was with her. It happend. I can't change it now. All i wnt to know is what I can do now. Its too late to press charges as this happend in april and there would be no proof.

When I went to go hang out with this guy it was strictly as friends. We had been friends for a while so why would i think he would do that to me? If you don't beleive me then fine. I dont' expect everybody to. But it happend and all i'm asking for is help.

by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Replies (81-88):
SunnyDayz-Ahead
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Just trying to clear up something...You're afraid to tell him that you "might" be pregnant w a baby that was created from rape although he willingly went off w another bitch and knocked her up?????? You should not worry about telling him anything. You should however test for your own knowledge and leave his ass and seek therapy for the unhealthy situations in your life.
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pampire
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a firm believer that the truth will set you free.  Your DH is supposed to be your rock in times of crisis, like the one you are in.  Tell him what happened.  You did nothing wrong.  A crime of violence was committed against you.  If you don't want others to know, tell him.  If he is a man of honor, he will respect your wishes.  If he is a man of honor and he truly knows and loves you, he will see the truth in your eyes when you tell him you were raped.

Please consider getting counseling to deal with your rape. RAINN is a fantastic organization decicated to helping victims of sexual violence: http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national-sexual-assault-online-hotline

christinad612
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:14 AM
More rapes are thought to go unreported than reported. Do some research before opening your mouth and showing everyone what an ignorant bitch you are.


Quoting DieselsMom:

if you were  RAPED why didn't you go to the police? sounds like you regret a night of passion with a friend, and now don't know who your baby daddy is..do the world a favor and CLOSE YOUR LEGS!


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luckymomma08
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 6:15 AM

oh hunny how awful a situation, im proud of you for loving and caring for your baby no mater how it came about that takes great love and strength. you should have told your husbad right away but better late then him finding out some other way if he really loves you yes it will be hard for him but he will believe you and find a way though it... if it goes badly after all you have forgiven of him he was no good for you anyways.. but you do have to tell him i hope all goes well for you *hugs* 


ps.

i was also raped by someone who was a life long friend while married to my hubby i never repoted it either and it took me a month to tell my hubby when i did tell him he said he knew something was wrong that night when i came home he was just waiting for me to tell him on my own. he kept saying things like i can tell him anything, he would love me no mater what, perhaps your hubby also has an incline that something happened.

Luvinmom
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:38 AM
Nothing is "irrelevant" you have issues you need to seek professional council. I have been raped and I did not keep it a secret. It is not something to side and not get help for.
I do understand what it is to love someone so I'm not judgeing you for staying but you need professional advice to work out things and not just the biased side you are telling us here.
You can not be a stable mother for children til you truly are stable grounded and free of your past decisions.
Good luck its not an easy task but you've already asked here you can do it.
Please do not use the no money or insurance excuse to not get help their are professional people that will help you.
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destinyangl21
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:41 AM

WOW. Just WOW. The woman was raped. Seriously, why kick her when she is down?


Quoting TairyHesticle:

I find it hard to believe that you were raped and yet you weren't traumatized by it enough to keep your legs closed for a while. You went straight back to your hubby and slept with him like nothing life altering had just happened to you. Anyway, good luck with that mess.



CameronsMommy23
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:53 AM
I agree with this. Good luck to you. Big hugs!!!!

Quoting babykrumbz:

honesty is the best policy confess ask for his forgiveness he has also made a mistake maybe he will forgive you 2
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Nford2012
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:53 AM

Honesty is the best thing you can give him and yourself. You don't know how he will react until you tell him. Lets face if if he left you for another woman after he married you he isnt perfect either. You can't help what happen to you and its not the babies fauilt either. Just tell him and you two try to work through it the best you can. You dont want to hold it in because its not good for you to do that and its not fair to either of you. What's meant to be will be so if you two are meant to stay together and thave this family together telling him isn't going to change that. Good luck.

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