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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My son was killed in a accident (Updated)

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In about 12 hours i will b getting on a plane to the states. I have to go say goodbye to my son for the last time. He only got to be here for 18 years. He turned 18 in Nov. Please pray everything goes well. I only have 5 days to get everything done plus try and deal with my family. I am posting this in just this group because its one of the 2 groups that r the most supportive. If i could link the story i wud. U can google Clayton Culverson. I miss him so much. When i go to get on the bus to head to Incheon i should b logging on to Skype to talk with my precious boy like we do every Thursday morning.

 

It's almost 2 am here in CA and again i can't sleep. In 8 hours i will be going to see my son for the very last time. I keep thinking this is just one of Clayton's jokes and he's going to be with the staff member when we meet up and he will run to me and wrap his arms around me. But my heart knows better. I know none of you knew him but he was a wonderful kid.Even with his disabilities he was such a beautiful child. He could walk into a room of depressed people and have them cheered up within mins.I don't know how i'm going to handle my THursday mornings.Every week since i've been in Korea we got to talk. Most of the time it was good and i would get to see the beautiful face and those beautiful blue eyes. I keep asking myself ,why now why in such a horrible way. Some of you may remember in my other posts me talking about the hell he's been through in life. He was born just a few days away from 30 weeks due to placenta abruption. He was dead when born. WHy couldn't God have taken him right then. Yes iw ould have been tore to piece but he wouldn't have had to face the last 18 years of physcial and mental pain. He was 18 but he had the mentality of about a 10 year old. I think that's one of the things that made him sooooo sweet. But ....... well for instance when he learned to tie his shoes he was six years old.One day he would know how to do it the next day he would tell he's never knew how and couldn't do it if his life depended on it. I hate that his last six year of life were spent in a group home. DOn't get me wrong the place he was inthe last for years is awesome.THe loved and cared for him like he was their own son. I wish i could say the name of the place and mention some of them because they were some of the greatest people to have ever worked with CLayton. That's saying alo with how many people have worked with him in 18 years. WOW i don't even think i can count or even remember them all. Yesterday would my daughter and him were finally supposed to start voice chatting on Skype. (SHe doesn't like SKype becuase she feels like she's being stared at)But she was finally ready and they were both excited. Now she's beating herself up because she would only say hi everyonce in awhile while she stood off to the side of my computer.Yesterday she said she doesn't understand why she can't cry as much as her dau and i are. I had to explain to her everyone grieves in their own way.I know she will find a way to deal with this but i wish i could just take her pain away for her.

If anyone would like to we have created a site for Clayton,still being built,so far there's only one pic of him there but your more than welcome to go check it out.The main reason i'm mentioning this is i know a lot of people that love him have been googling his name these last few days and i know this post is showing up in it.I'm hoping it willgive people an outlet to help them through their grieving process. Also because i would like to talk with the driver. I know he did not do this on prpose and i can only imagine his pain. I need him to know i DO NOT blame him in ANY way. No matter what God had planned on taking Clay at that time.But i'm so sorry to the driver that God used him in his plans. ANd i'm sure GOd wouldn't want him to blame himself either.

Clayton dude I love and miss you so much. I wish you could still be here with us.

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 2:56 PM
Replies (161-170):
2lilmamas
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:25 AM
This so hard breaking. May god give you and loved ones comfort.
blondepegasus
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:51 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss. My 8 year old son is mentally disabled (mental age of 6 months) and physically disabled (wheelchair, no control of hands/arms/head and blind). However he is the love of our lives and like your son, brings smiles to faces of people every day. I used to run group homes for developmentally disabled people for many years. So I feel your pain from many perspectives. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
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Mommy7497
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:58 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss god bless you and your family and I will have you in my prayers. Think that it was beautiful that you don't blame the driver. 

tiredmama42
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:49 PM

Clay sounds like he has touched many lifes with all that he had been through.  Its heartbreaking to even read about the loss of your child.  I wish there was something to help ease your pain.. I can only imagine.  May God bless you and your family and I pray he comforts you all thru this tragic loss. 

Poohy1975
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 4:27 PM
1 mom liked this

 I can't tell you how loved he was/is. Even more then i knew. The school was nice enough to throw the memorial becuase we weren't going to be able to afford to throw one. THeir were 50 chairs but still the room had people standing around. I was shocked and so blessed to see my son had been loved by so many. I fought for so many years to not place him in a group home. THe county wanted me to do it when he was3. But because i was abandoned by my parents i refused. But when he hit 12 and a half i had to have major surgery on my right hand still 6 years later i have very minimal use out of that hand. FOr a yaer i had no use. So i was no longer was able to restrain him when his brain told him bad things were happening. I had no choice. The first 3 ggroup homes were not good for him but the home he has spent the last almost 5 years in ........well i just can't say enough about them and can never thank them enough for loving my son i believe just as much as I do.

Quoting tiredmama42:

Clay sounds like he has touched many lifes with all that he had been through.  Its heartbreaking to even read about the loss of your child.  I wish there was something to help ease your pain.. I can only imagine.  May God bless you and your family and I pray he comforts you all thru this tragic loss. 

 

MamaBear2cubs
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 4:28 PM

I am so sorry for your loss.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:03 PM

 I am so sorry for your loss.

renae87
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:32 PM

 So terribly sorry for your loss, can only imagine the pain that you have been enduring. God has a plan for Clayton in heaven.*HUGS*

amyleigh80
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 11:38 PM
1 mom liked this
You are a strong woman and a great mother. Please tell your daughter this, "everything is as it should be" my mom told me this when my dad died and I don't know why but it helped. She loved him the best way she could and now without the restraints of a fragile mind and body he will watch over her from above.

Stay well and be safe.
CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Jan. 27, 2013 at 8:00 PM

RIP Clayton....Thoughts and prayers will always be w/you and your family 

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