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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

my husband is smothering me with all his "rules"

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first let me say that i truly love my husband and he is a wonderful father, but he has too many rules for me. I can have a part-time job, but not a career. I can have my own money, but not pay any bills even if he can't afford them. I am expected to let him be the caregiver of the house and not be able to buy my self shampoo or lady products. I have a bed time. Yes i know, that is probably the worst of all. If i'm not in bed when he's ready for bed, i've betrayed his trust. I can go to college part-time, but only as a hobby. I do not have a drivers license so the only time i can leave the house and actually go somewhere is if he is not too busy or tired to drive. He buys me chocolate sometimes, but if he buys anything else its usually only for him. Moves, video games, clothes, etc. I feel smothered. I love him, but i don't feel like he really loves me anymore. I feel like he's always trying to change me. I used to have a life, now i don't even have friends or family close by because we moved far away for him. Am I being paranoid or is he too controlling and i need to stand up for myself? How do i stand up for myself without bringing tension?

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:42 PM
Replies (171-180):
HasNoIdea93
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 4:04 PM

An update for everyone I talked to my husband last night about some of the things i was concerned about and that annoyed me. Thinking he was goinging to get mad, i had a big surprise. We spent the night in bed laughing and rolling around tickling eachother. This morning he was a happy husband, bought me an expensive glass rose. We we're able to compromise and discuss alot of things. My husband explained to me that staying up til 3 in the morning then sleeping til 1 was not good for me and he just wanted me to get some normal good sleep and that he didn't want to control me or change me. Him and his father are getting me my license next week and i am free to come and go as i please as long as i don't use all the gas in the car in one day. He doesn't want me to pay bills because he feels as a man that it is his resposibility to provide for his family. So yes to say it is kind of out of pride, but i can't say i don't not understand. I know it hurts him when he can't provide they way he needs to. And to clarify for someones comment i'm not not allowed to buy myself stuff, i just can't afford to thats what i mean. I still have a back up plan because you never know, but i may have just woken up to a new beginning. Now that i know he is not anger with me with i share how i feel, i no longer feel fear of upsetting him. Timing is everything. Thanks everyone for the support, i think things will get better from here.. if they slip and we can't fix it, bye bye DH. Much love everyone, keep you posted.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this

BUMP for reference to current post

KrazyLoveMommy
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:34 PM
You need to learn to drive....and then drive the hell away from him!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
98765
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:37 PM

I have a bad feeling about this. Updates? Did you get your lisence? Whats going on now? How is he now?

lapcounter
by Gold Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Sorry but screw that.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM

She just posted another creepy thread in here about how he "forgets" to drive her to her Mom's. No license. I bumped this for reference.

Quoting 98765:

I have a bad feeling about this. Updates? Did you get your lisence? Whats going on now? How is he now?


ashley9603
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:41 PM

Just reading this makes me think of a lifetime movie....why doesnt he think you should do anything for yourself?He sounds pretty controlling.How long have you been married?I would suggest talking with him or seeing a therapist.

MomofHDFandNWF
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:42 PM

This definitely is a condition of him being too controlling.... why do you not have a driver's license?  I am sorry, but you need to take a stand for yourself even if it means bringing on tension to your family.... I understand some people believing in "traditional gender roles" (AKA: woman stays home, man brings home the bacon) - but this is taking it to a whole new level.

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:44 PM

 It sounds like he has an extremely controlling personality and treats you like a possession rather than a partner.  This is not healthy and can be considered abusive.  I would seriously look inside yourself and ask if this is really how you want to spend the next 50+ years of your life.

lilbit53009
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 2:46 PM

this...this whole post just screams red flags to me. get out before it's too late

Quoting MamaDearie:

This is truly abusive. No one has the right to control you like this. You are a grown woman. Act like it. Stand up for yourself! Would you want anyone to treat your children like this? If you live this way, you are teaching your children that this is what a normal relationship between adults looks like!


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