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my husband is smothering me with all his "rules"

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first let me say that i truly love my husband and he is a wonderful father, but he has too many rules for me. I can have a part-time job, but not a career. I can have my own money, but not pay any bills even if he can't afford them. I am expected to let him be the caregiver of the house and not be able to buy my self shampoo or lady products. I have a bed time. Yes i know, that is probably the worst of all. If i'm not in bed when he's ready for bed, i've betrayed his trust. I can go to college part-time, but only as a hobby. I do not have a drivers license so the only time i can leave the house and actually go somewhere is if he is not too busy or tired to drive. He buys me chocolate sometimes, but if he buys anything else its usually only for him. Moves, video games, clothes, etc. I feel smothered. I love him, but i don't feel like he really loves me anymore. I feel like he's always trying to change me. I used to have a life, now i don't even have friends or family close by because we moved far away for him. Am I being paranoid or is he too controlling and i need to stand up for myself? How do i stand up for myself without bringing tension?

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:42 PM
Replies (31-40):
ttc1rainbow
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:36 PM

 Not salvageable...IMO. Sorry sweetie. You, and any other woman in a relationship like this, deserve so much more, so much better. Best of luck to you!! I will keep you in my prayers!

TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this

The kids have lost 2 mothers already..and THAT didn't raise a red flag for you???? How old are the kids..and where are thier mothers?

Quoting HasNoIdea93:

That is part of my concern. The kids, i love them and they have lost 2 mothers already. They are not my kids so if i left i would never see them again, we would all be devastated. I don't know what to do. This is why you shouldn't marry at 20.


TommyAbby
by Melissa on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this

How old is he?


Quoting HasNoIdea93:

I'm only twenty and have no place to go anyways, i love my husband. is there no way to turn this around? He's not all bad.


rayroe2
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:41 PM

who is we? and why you move that far away?

motherslove82
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:43 PM

Tell him you are a grown woman and you will do what you want. If he doesn't like it, he knows where the door is.

I could never live like that. It sounds like he is limiting your options so that you can't leave him.

bmw29
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:44 PM

I wouldn't worry about bringing tension. Your husband sounds like a controlling ass and I would tell him to shove it. Get your license and get a full time job or enroll in school for what you want. Buy whatever you want and see whoever you feel like seeing. You are his wife not his child and that seriously sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship to me. How long have y'all been married?

ttc1rainbow
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:45 PM

 

Warning Signs of Abuse

Because relationships exist on a spectrum, it can be hard to tell when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. Use these warning signs of abuse to see if your relationship is going in the wrong direction:

  • Checking your cell phone or email without permission
  • Constantly putting you down
  • Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  • Explosive temper
  • Isolating you from family or friends
  • Making false accusations
  • Mood swings
  • Physically hurting you in any way
  • Possessiveness
  • Telling you what to do

Also, check out this site.... http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/dv_recognize_isolation.html

Mel0dy
by Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:48 PM

 I would not put up with that. If it were "me" I would get the hell outta there. (i'm not saying thats what you should do, i'm saying thats what "I" would do)

C.Fleury
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:51 PM
OMG !!! Wake up. Are you his wife or a child. Of course this is controlling and completely insane... You need to be your own person, not his puppet.

You have to ask yourself if this is even worth it. This is absolutely ridiculous. My husband happen to read this post as well and he was just in ah and was like WTF !!!

I'd say demand to be treated like a wife, not his property. Talk to him and lay down your own rules. Than if that doesn't work, you need to ask yourself if being unhappy is worth being married to this guy.

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bozobean
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:53 PM
This! I wish I could give this reply 50 likes and bump it to the top because you need to pay attention to this. It shows he's nutso controlling and untrusting of you. I can't imagine anyone even wanting to live with that.

Quoting zinniadaisy:

No, I'm sorry, you said he views it as a betrayal of trust if you don't go to bed when he does - that has nothing to do with concern for your health - he doesn't trust you to be awake when he is not (think about how insane that sounds) - that is control on the border of abuse....have you ever done anything in your relationship to make him not trust you to this level?  is he this mistrusting of people in general?

Quoting HasNoIdea93:

He claims its because of my unusual sleep schedule and that its for my health



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