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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Nooners and hugging co-workers...

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I have co-workers that are always hugging.  3 female that hug everyone especially.  One is male and I have known his wife for 16 years and she is extreamly jealous.  One of these women do the full body hug to him and moans when he hugs her.  Then you see them all running to each other saying they need their "nooner".   Every morning, noon and before the end of the day.    My DH also works for the same company and says its so unprofessional.  I dont do the hugging thing.. I have no desire to even get involved but they act like I have a plaque because I dont.   But the hugging is attempted with almost every man coming through the doors now.    I just keep thinking if the wifes knew about it they would be upset.  I am not a jealous person but I wouldnt want my husband having "nooners" of any kind with co-workers.   I am serious when I say everyday , minimum of 3 times a day.. other days its calling for back rubs.    I am just a prude?  the only arms I want wrapped around me is my DH or kids.  

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Replies (21-30):
jmjdj
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:27 PM
The EEOC definition of sexual harassment is "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature when submission to the conduct unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment."

I also work in HR and conduct harassment training for 1200 employees. You do NOT have to be directly involved to claim sexual harassment based on a hostile work environment. If you overhear or see conduct of a sexual nature, you can file a claim. It is the employer's responsibility to stop this behavior or they are risking a lawsuit if they know about it. You have a right to a workplace free from sexual harassment, as do all the other employees.

Allowing it to continue is why it has gotten worse over the years. In my training we call this inappropriate mutual banter. Just because they are all ok with it (or consenting adults as your employer puts it) doesn't mean it's ok. If anyone else sees or hears it and is offended those people's behavior has created a hostile work environment.

Many millions of dollars are shelled out in lawsuits for this exact kind of thing. In court, the only criteria for determining whether or not it is harassment is if it is offensive to the "reasonable person."

As an HR person you have a "duty to act" simply because you know it's happening to protect other employees from harassment. This isn't company policy...it's federal law.


Quoting tiredmama42:

 


Its a trucking company.  I have been here almost 17 years and it was professional when I started. Just keeps getting worse as the years go on.     Im glad its not just me that thinks its tacky and unprofessional.   Its usually like working in Romper Room.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:


Wow!!  What company is this??  Aren't they afraid of a lawsuit or something?  Geez..


Quoting tiredmama42:


 


I wish it worked that way.  They believe they are all consenting adults. 


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:


Tell the owners that this is very distracting, highly inappropriate and that this is making everyone else feel very uncomfortable and ask that you be allowed to handle it in a manner than an HR representative would.  (Meaning, they knock it off..  or get written up, then terminated).


Quoting tiredmama42:


 Unfortunately I am HR.  Since the Owners dont think nothing of it then I cant say anything.   I did once about one of the girls wrapping her leg around one of the guys while huggin him and they didnt care.   These women are all between 40 & 45.. and act like they are in heat. 


 


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:


That's highly inappropriate.  Has anyone talked to HR about this?


 


 




 


 


ETA:  The only other thing I can tell you is to quietly look for another job.  One where you don't have to put up with that nonsense.  Most companies..  HR would quickly shut PDA's like that down.




 


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biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:09 PM
I wouldn't like it.
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MomToovey
by Marianne on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:06 PM

 My thoughts exactly.

Quoting AnGLInterrupted:

That's highly inappropriate.  Has anyone talked to HR about this?

 



mrsfitz05
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:47 PM
There are a few coworkers that I don't see frequently, that I hug: male, female. We have worked together for years and have genuine affection for one another. My husband thinks nothing of it. But we also aren't moaning and making an issue of it. We are all also HR professionals as well.
What you are describing is inappropriate and not normal. The fact remains that if the behavior makes you uncomfortable, it's crossed the line to harassment. The time has come to put a stop to it. If it were me, I would prepare a list of potential risks and sit down with the bosses. Trucking is a "good ole boy industry" where this has been acceptable behavior, but that doesn't mean it's ok now. Sometimes people-especially men-who have grown up on the industry need to see their risk in black & white before it sinks in.
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jess80
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:01 AM
Uuugghhh that's disturbing. My SO is in trucking....
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2lilmamas
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:23 AM
Quoting jyofray:

Unprofessional and immature. Ew

sav820
by New Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:01 AM

 Long ago NOONER meant having SEX at Noon.....This is way out of bounds..wow..I guess they will have a person someday who will end up suing due to the sexual nature of it all..

Hell No, I hugs friends when I havent seen them in a long time but they're close friends. And I'm not the jealous type either, but no, I wouldn't appreicate my DH doing this, and we own a couple of businesses with a lot of employees, it would never happen.

tiredmama42
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:13 AM

 

Thank you for all that information.  I am actually only HR for the truck drivers.  I have no say so in office employees.  I have addressed people directly and I get no backing from the owner.  Like one of the women dropping pencils for a mechanic to bend over and pick up so they can look at his butt.. numerous times.   I had a driver call me a "stinking F__   C" because he needed repairs on his truck after getting ticked.  My bosses Said "we twisted his arm and tried and tried but he refused to apologize"  I looked up laws on that and all I could find is that it was "bad manners".   I do put up with alot and am not thin skinned by no means but I need my job.  When I do say something they treat me like the bad guy.

Quoting jmjdj:

The EEOC definition of sexual harassment is "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature when submission to the conduct unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment."

I also work in HR and conduct harassment training for 1200 employees. You do NOT have to be directly involved to claim sexual harassment based on a hostile work environment. If you overhear or see conduct of a sexual nature, you can file a claim. It is the employer's responsibility to stop this behavior or they are risking a lawsuit if they know about it. You have a right to a workplace free from sexual harassment, as do all the other employees.

Allowing it to continue is why it has gotten worse over the years. In my training we call this inappropriate mutual banter. Just because they are all ok with it (or consenting adults as your employer puts it) doesn't mean it's ok. If anyone else sees or hears it and is offended those people's behavior has created a hostile work environment.

Many millions of dollars are shelled out in lawsuits for this exact kind of thing. In court, the only criteria for determining whether or not it is harassment is if it is offensive to the "reasonable person."

As an HR person you have a "duty to act" simply because you know it's happening to protect other employees from harassment. This isn't company policy...it's federal law.


Quoting tiredmama42:

 


Its a trucking company.  I have been here almost 17 years and it was professional when I started. Just keeps getting worse as the years go on.     Im glad its not just me that thinks its tacky and unprofessional.   Its usually like working in Romper Room.


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:


Wow!!  What company is this??  Aren't they afraid of a lawsuit or something?  Geez..


Quoting tiredmama42:


 


I wish it worked that way.  They believe they are all consenting adults. 


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:


Tell the owners that this is very distracting, highly inappropriate and that this is making everyone else feel very uncomfortable and ask that you be allowed to handle it in a manner than an HR representative would.  (Meaning, they knock it off..  or get written up, then terminated).


Quoting tiredmama42:


 Unfortunately I am HR.  Since the Owners dont think nothing of it then I cant say anything.   I did once about one of the girls wrapping her leg around one of the guys while huggin him and they didnt care.   These women are all between 40 & 45.. and act like they are in heat. 


 


Quoting AnGLInterrupted:


That's highly inappropriate.  Has anyone talked to HR about this?


 


 




 


 


ETA:  The only other thing I can tell you is to quietly look for another job.  One where you don't have to put up with that nonsense.  Most companies..  HR would quickly shut PDA's like that down.


 


 



 

tiredmama42
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:24 AM

 We all know what 'Nooner" means they think its cute.  One calls the other and begs for back rubs too.   I have no problems with hugging someone.  I really am not a prude. I hug people that I havent seen in awhile when they visit the office.   Its the comments of hmmmmm I needed that and you feel so good etc 3 x's a day.


Quoting sav820:

 Long ago NOONER meant having SEX at Noon.....This is way out of bounds..wow..I guess they will have a person someday who will end up suing due to the sexual nature of it all..

Hell No, I hugs friends when I havent seen them in a long time but they're close friends. And I'm not the jealous type either, but no, I wouldn't appreicate my DH doing this, and we own a couple of businesses with a lot of employees, it would never happen.


 

tiredmama42
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:27 AM

 

Most trucking companies these days are more professional.. ours is just "old school" they still talk awful, say sexist and racial slurrs etc..  most companies would fire people for alot less.

Quoting jess80:

Uuugghhh that's disturbing. My SO is in trucking....


 

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