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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

(PIOG) Would you give Dh a curfew?

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This hasnt applied to us in a few years, but when were were younger and first starting out, hell yeah it did.

We met at 19 and were married at 19. There was still quite a bit of growing up and growing together that needed to be done.

OK so onto the curfew.

I have always had 100% trust in dh, he has never given me a reason not to (still hasnt 7 years later). So when he would go out with his "boys" a few nights a week I didnt care where he was or who he was with. I just had 1 rule. Be respectful of your wife and new mother and come home at a decent hour. No more partying all night and walking in the door at 9am the next day still drunk from the night before.

My curfew was 12 or 1am on a weekday and no later then 3am on a weekend. And dh - even though he messed up once or twice - for the most part respected this. After we grew up a little and grew together, the friends and "chilling" in the streets and getting drunk lost their appeal for him. Now 7 years later dh wouldnt dare come home after 10pm unless he was working a late job. Is just something that you dont do. He has a family and coming home late is just disrespectful. Plus we are married, we dont go out as single people any more. We never really did in the first place. He only started after we had the baby, I needed to be home. Now that the "baby" is 5, we are back to being partners in crime together, but not just us, as a family.

So one of my newly married girlfriends is having a similar problem with her new dh. They do not have kids yet, but they have been married for about a year. She said it was fine in the beginning but no matter how much she bitches he still wont come home at a decent hour. Mind you they are our age now - late 20's. I told her that I gave my dh a curfew when we first got married and had the baby. (Before our ds, Dh never went any where with out me, if he was out partying all night i was right along side him. We were partners in crime, until I had ds, then I was home and dh took a little time to get out of his chilling phase.) And it worked for us. She looked at me like I was nuts. And said she could never put rules on her husband like that.

I think 1am on a week day/3am on a weekend is reasonable and hardly asking too much of a husband. (yes yes, you shouldnt have to do this if they are your dh they should already know and respect, blah blah blah.. All men, especially when your married young need a bit of training. You grow together as a couple -  so all of "you" can shove it - "you" know who "you" are)

Have you ever? or Would you ever put a curfew on your dh if he was one to stay out late?

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 2:47 PM
Replies (11-20):
lwalker270
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:51 PM
2 moms liked this

I wouldn't give my DH a curfew and he wouldn't give me one either.  We're adults.

steelcrazy
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:54 PM

I've never had the need to give my husband a curfew, but then again immaturity wasn't an issue for either of us when we decided to get married.

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 6:55 PM
Seriously?

My husband is an adult, not a child. I trust him to make good decisions. If I didn't, I wouldn't have married him.
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unsuspected
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:03 PM
I've never had to give him a curfew. We were married at 19 & 20 as well. It just never needed to be discussed.
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emilys802
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 7:07 PM

i dont think "curfew" is a word that should be used. If dh goes out- lets say a boys night out then i think it should go something like this option a: dh: honey i'm going out with the boys tonight, ill be home by 2a, ill text you if i have a problem or will be late.  OR option b: you: honey what time do you plan on being back tonight so i'll know if it  is you or an intruder, i dont want to shoot the wrong person?... ok maybe not so much  like option b, but close enough.

rbdanes
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:25 PM

I don't think it should be a situation where she should have to set a curfiew. She's not his mother and thats not really how relationships should work (Although that sounds like it worked well for you which I'm glad it did). It's something as adults they need to sit down and discuss how their evenings should work. If my DH was out partying all the time late late into the night and I had an issue with it then it would be up to me to start a conversation. If he didn't have a problem with it and I did then he should care and respect enough on his own to know that he needed to come home. If not then there would be some bigger underlying issues to deal with.

2lilmamas
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 10:27 PM
Quoting AlannaMaria:

I've never put a curfew on my DH. He rarely goes out, but if he does he's home by 3am and he doesn't go out during the week. We usually go out together anyways. Once every couple of months my friend and I will have a girls night or afternoon. He will do the same.


Pretty much
MagicTemptation
by Christina on Jan. 19, 2013 at 4:55 PM

I have never heard of a spouse giving their partner a curfew. We both have cell phones. If one of us were to stay out late it isn't like we can't tell the other. We rarely go out individually though.

SierraLynn
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 5:02 PM
No, my husband is an adult and I am not his mother. I would ask him about what time he thinks he will be home. And if it changes he calls and tells me what the new plan is. He goes out once in a blue noon, so this is almost a non issue for us. But for you to set him a time like that sounds disrespectful. But I'm glad it never caused a rift with you two. To each their own.
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polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 5:11 PM
I never gave him a general curfew. When he mentions to me that he's thinking of making plans to do whatever that's when we decide what time he should be back. Since our son was born the main rule has been that he has to see him every day. Sometimes that means coming home from work and spending time with us and then going out and not coming home until the early morning. Growing up my dad had a job where I'd go all week without seeing him because he'd leave at 2 am and come home after I was in bed. It's not really a curfew although there have been occasions where I said no, tonight you have to be home by the time I go to bed. That hasn't happened since my third trimester though.
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