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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Emotional affair final update

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I just wanted to thank those of you who offered their advice and support, we worked things out last night. For those of you that had nothing but negative things to say: IN YO FACE!!! You were wrong.


A few days ago, my husband asked me what an emotional affair was because it came up in conversation, I explained the best I could; I said it's when you connect on an emotional level with someone other than your spouse and it can lead to a physical affair.

1st edit
Deapite our conversation, he reestablished contact with an old friend that he had strong feelings for. Her name is Rachelle, she lives somewhere near Pittsburgh, and they met online before him and I met, but they never met in person.
She felt it was ok for her to date and tell him about her sexual exploits, but she got angry when he told her about our relationship and quit talking to him for a while.
Some time after she started talking to him again, I found an inappropriate conversation between them. She tried to influence him to break up with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. She got mad again when he told her we worked it out and stopped talking to him again until now.

2nd edit

He had a girlfriend for 8 years and she treated him pretty badly before cheating on him, dumping him, and getting with the guy she cheated on him with. He said this woman that he's talking to was the first person he cared about after the breakup. He was in one other brief relationship before we met and we took things slow, started as friends, neither one of us imagined that we would be married a year after we met and have a son and another baby on the way.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Replies (101-110):
BaronSamedi
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this

  Big no deal!  Have some confidence in yourself.  And examine whether you and he have forgotten to put the relationship first.  This woman will annoy him soon enough.  He will stop being her cheap shrink.

Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Maybe he has, but I always do my best to put our relationship first. I think I will look into that couples retreat that so someone mentioned earlier, it might help us reconnect.


Quoting BaronSamedi:

  Big no deal!  Have some confidence in yourself.  And examine whether you and he have forgotten to put the relationship first.  This woman will annoy him soon enough.  He will stop being her cheap shrink.


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ihave1
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:25 PM

 I agree.  Also You guys may want to think about some counseling. 

Quoting supermomz25:

you have got to talk to him.

 

ShannaBee
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I almost think emotional affairs are worse than physical.

PortiaRose
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this
You divorce him because he's a manipulative cheater. You're too busy wiping his feet with your hair that you can't see that he should have admiration for NO other women.

Quoting Queen_Sheila:

The question is how do I get him to stop talking to her without me looking lile a crazy jealous person? He tjinks I'm overreactinf, that there's nothing wrong with their friendship, but if it isn't everyone wouldn't be on my side abouy this.




Quoting spotsmom:

I guess I'm not sure what the question is, here but....um, no. No to having ANY contact with this girl, no to ever attempting to contact her again. I guess just ask him outright if he is having second thoughts about your marriage. If so, then you guys need to proceed from THERE, not him fishing around until he finds someone to replace you with before he dumps you. Sounds like he wants to make sure he has someone to move on WITH. Again, I don't know what the question was, but you guys need to have a serious talk. 


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Monsita
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:11 PM
1 mom liked this

hugsYou are doing the right thing: Posting here, to get ideas....talking to him.... to find out deep thoughts on the issue....NOW, it is time to demand that he needs to stop ALL COMUNICATIONS WITH HER.  Be loving but firm.  "It is about respect, to the marriage, to you, to your child, to himself"

I went through something similar...I posted as "What would you think or do about this?"   maybe we can help each other out....

Aaronmarie
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:04 PM


I was on the flip side of this when I met my (now) DH. A couple of years before this my first husband had passed, the first man I became close too was very hard to let go. Even though I didn't want to ultimately be more with him, he was still important to me because I felt like he got me through the worst thing in my life, there was a type of love there. He kept calling, wanting more, trying have "those types" of conversations with me after I met my DH. I kept answering the phone...for a while, because he was important to me. But out of love and respect for my DH, I ultimately had to let him go, for good.

yours will have to do the same. His attachment may not be on the same level as hers. But if he values you and your relationship then he has to see that she doesn't respect either of those things and let her go.

Quoting mama2gg:

 I would not see this as emotional cheating more like venting as long as he isn't talking back to her like he wants to get with her etc... as you stated he even tells her you TWO are together

HOWEVER with that said I would be offended if they kept talking because of HER immature I would expect my husband to have  a more mature outlet for emotional venting



mama2gg
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:07 PM

 I think you quoted the wrong person I have never had an issue with emotional cheating :)

Quoting Aaronmarie:

 

I was on the flip side of this when I met my (now) DH. A couple of years before this my first husband had passed, the first man I became close too was very hard to let go. Even though I didn't want to ultimately be more with him, he was still important to me because I felt like he got me through the worst thing in my life, there was a type of love there. He kept calling, wanting more, trying have "those types" of conversations with me after I met my DH. I kept answering the phone...for a while, because he was important to me. But out of love and respect for my DH, I ultimately had to let him go, for good.

yours will have to do the same. His attachment may not be on the same level as hers. But if he values you and your relationship then he has to see that she doesn't respect either of those things and let her go.

Quoting mama2gg:

 I would not see this as emotional cheating more like venting as long as he isn't talking back to her like he wants to get with her etc... as you stated he even tells her you TWO are together

HOWEVER with that said I would be offended if they kept talking because of HER immature I would expect my husband to have  a more mature outlet for emotional venting

 

 

 

chloesmommy777
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this

He needs therapy. You need a better man. He could be that for you. But he needs to grow up & pull his head out of his... you-know-what-where. This "affair" is unfair to you all and he's being VERY selfish. Why would he give any attention to such a low life as his "girlfriend" She sounds unstable and cruel.

gdsTX
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh it is. Sex is sex and it's a basic urge. To connect with another person emotionally is deeper than just sex and hurts so much worse. I've been through the physical and the emotional with different guys. The physical is shocking and hurtful, but nowhere near the level of an emotional affair.


Quoting ShannaBee:

I almost think emotional affairs are worse than physical.


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