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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Emotional affair final update

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I just wanted to thank those of you who offered their advice and support, we worked things out last night. For those of you that had nothing but negative things to say: IN YO FACE!!! You were wrong.


A few days ago, my husband asked me what an emotional affair was because it came up in conversation, I explained the best I could; I said it's when you connect on an emotional level with someone other than your spouse and it can lead to a physical affair.

1st edit
Deapite our conversation, he reestablished contact with an old friend that he had strong feelings for. Her name is Rachelle, she lives somewhere near Pittsburgh, and they met online before him and I met, but they never met in person.
She felt it was ok for her to date and tell him about her sexual exploits, but she got angry when he told her about our relationship and quit talking to him for a while.
Some time after she started talking to him again, I found an inappropriate conversation between them. She tried to influence him to break up with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. She got mad again when he told her we worked it out and stopped talking to him again until now.

2nd edit

He had a girlfriend for 8 years and she treated him pretty badly before cheating on him, dumping him, and getting with the guy she cheated on him with. He said this woman that he's talking to was the first person he cared about after the breakup. He was in one other brief relationship before we met and we took things slow, started as friends, neither one of us imagined that we would be married a year after we met and have a son and another baby on the way.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Replies (111-120):
Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:28 PM
You have yet to say anything helpful and you're still unwanted. So I should divorse the man I love that I have two children with just because we have a problem to work on? Glad I'm not married to you, I'm not perfect and you would have given up on me a long time ago. You're so busy being selfrighteous and telling others what to do, it must be exhausting.



Quoting PortiaRose:

You divorce him because he's a manipulative cheater. You're too busy wiping his feet with your hair that you can't see that he should have admiration for NO other women.



Quoting Queen_Sheila:

The question is how do I get him to stop talking to her without me looking lile a crazy jealous person? He tjinks I'm overreactinf, that there's nothing wrong with their friendship, but if it isn't everyone wouldn't be on my side abouy this.







Quoting spotsmom:

I guess I'm not sure what the question is, here but....um, no. No to having ANY contact with this girl, no to ever attempting to contact her again. I guess just ask him outright if he is having second thoughts about your marriage. If so, then you guys need to proceed from THERE, not him fishing around until he finds someone to replace you with before he dumps you. Sounds like he wants to make sure he has someone to move on WITH. Again, I don't know what the question was, but you guys need to have a serious talk. 





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Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:31 PM
Well I'll be, if that ain't the pot calling the kettle black then I sure don't know what is!!! TAKE A LOOK IN THE MIRROR!! It might crack, so be prepared for seven years bad luck.



Quoting PortiaRose:

.......... and if she talking to another man like this???





Women like you give being a wife a bad name.




Quoting BaronSamedi:

  Big no deal!  Have some confidence in yourself.  And examine whether you and he have forgotten to put the relationship first.  This woman will annoy him soon enough.  He will stop being her cheap shrink.



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Bauxite-17
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this

The relationship they have is inappropriate. Because of past history, I would be extremely uncomfortable with them talking with eachother.

PortiaRose
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:41 PM

 What does this: He had a girlfriend for 8 years and she treated him pretty badly before cheating on him, dumping him, and getting with the guy she cheated on him with. He said this woman that he's talking to was the first person he cared about after the breakup. He was in one other brief relationship before we met and we took things slow, started as friends, neither one of us imagined that we would be married a year after we met and have a son and another baby on the way.

Have to do with THIS: Some time after she started talking to him again, I found an inappropriate conversation between them. She tried to influence him to break up with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. She got mad again when he told her we worked it out and stopped talking to him again until now.

Cuz I'm hella fucking confused, right now.

Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:49 PM
You must be illiterate because I said HE NEVER MET HER AND NEVER HAD SEX WITH HER!!! They just talk on the internet, but I want it to stop to prevent a physical affair, or is that too many big words for you to understand?


Quoting PortiaRose:

 problems are arguments about finaces and boring sex. Problems are not your jusband STEPPING OUT ON YOU. fuckin christ, are you illiterate? is that what the problem is??


Hes cheating, and youre allowing it, because... do you have a job? cuz if you dont youre SCREWED if he takes off with her. Guess what? maybe he might be more willing to divorce than you are, seeing as he has someone else on standby.


 


wake the fuck up. your family means shit to him or he wouldne be, can i say it again, STEPPING OUT.


Quoting Queen_Sheila:

You have yet to say anything helpful and you're still unwanted. So I should divorse the man I love that I have two children with just because we have a problem to work on? Glad I'm not married to you, I'm not perfect and you would have given up on me a long time ago. You're so busy being selfrighteous and telling others what to do, it must be exhausting.




Quoting PortiaRose:

You divorce him because he's a manipulative cheater. You're too busy wiping his feet with your hair that you can't see that he should have admiration for NO other women.




Quoting Queen_Sheila:

The question is how do I get him to stop talking to her without me looking lile a crazy jealous person? He tjinks I'm overreactinf, that there's nothing wrong with their friendship, but if it isn't everyone wouldn't be on my side abouy this.








Quoting spotsmom:


I guess I'm not sure what the question is, here but....um, no. No to having ANY contact with this girl, no to ever attempting to contact her again. I guess just ask him outright if he is having second thoughts about your marriage. If so, then you guys need to proceed from THERE, not him fishing around until he finds someone to replace you with before he dumps you. Sounds like he wants to make sure he has someone to move on WITH. Again, I don't know what the question was, but you guys need to have a serious talk. 






 


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Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 10:50 PM
As I stated in an earlier post, that was over two years ago when we were still dating and before we were married..


Quoting PortiaRose:

 What does this: He had a girlfriend for 8 years and she treated him pretty badly before cheating on him, dumping him, and getting with the guy she cheated on him with. He said this woman that he's talking to was the first person he cared about after the breakup. He was in one other brief relationship before we met and we took things slow, started as friends, neither one of us imagined that we would be married a year after we met and have a son and another baby on the way.


Have to do with THIS: Some time after she started talking to him again, I found an inappropriate conversation between them. She tried to influence him to break up with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. She got mad again when he told her we worked it out and stopped talking to him again until now.


Cuz I'm hella fucking confused, right now.


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spotsmom
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:05 AM
2 moms liked this

Then START by asking him how he would feel if YOU took up again with one of your old flames, someone that you used to have "very strong feelings for, " and who had once incouraged you to break up with him when you were having doubts, someone who "got mad at you" when you decided to work things out with HIM (your husband). If he says he wouldn't care there are ONLY two possibilities here: He's lying, or he truly wouldn't care because he's not really in love with you. I mean, what doesn't he get about this? This is not "an old friend" he's taken back up with, this is someone he was in a RELATIONSHIP with, even if that relationship was sexless and emotional only...and completely manipulative on her part. Does he not realize she was stringing him along, a pet she kept to boost her confidence? And "friends" don't get JEALOUS of their "friends" wives or girlfriends, and she was clearly jealous of you when you first started dating your husband, and then she came back and tried to get him to break up with you. You are not crazy, HE is crazy if he can't see how innapropriate this "friendship" is. What exactly is he supposed to get out of an online "friendship" with someone he had feelings for, anyway (that would be another thing to ask him)? Sorry, honey, but you have to know that she is just going to keep trying to get him to leave you, right? Stop second guessing yourself, you are not crazy, you are not over-reacting, you are RIGHT! Tell him that an online relationship with old flames is off limits, for BOTH of you. 

Quoting Queen_Sheila:

The question is how do I get him to stop talking to her without me looking lile a crazy jealous person? He tjinks I'm overreactinf, that there's nothing wrong with their friendship, but if it isn't everyone wouldn't be on my side abouy this.


Quoting spotsmom:

I guess I'm not sure what the question is, here but....um, no. No to having ANY contact with this girl, no to ever attempting to contact her again. I guess just ask him outright if he is having second thoughts about your marriage. If so, then you guys need to proceed from THERE, not him fishing around until he finds someone to replace you with before he dumps you. Sounds like he wants to make sure he has someone to move on WITH. Again, I don't know what the question was, but you guys need to have a serious talk. 




godsgirl26
by Silver Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:45 AM
Communication is always the best thing. You will get through this. Have a heart to heart talk with him. If you divorce him that is taking the easy way out and saying you are giving up. Don't you dare give up fight for it.
Everything will not be a walk in the park all the time I'm sure you know that. If you need anyone to talk to I'm here.


Quoting Queen_Sheila:

You have yet to say anything helpful and you're still unwanted. So I should divorse the man I love that I have two children with just because we have a problem to work on? Glad I'm not married to you, I'm not perfect and you would have given up on me a long time ago. You're so busy being selfrighteous and telling others what to do, it must be exhausting.






Quoting PortiaRose:

You divorce him because he's a manipulative cheater. You're too busy wiping his feet with your hair that you can't see that he should have admiration for NO other women.





Quoting Queen_Sheila:

The question is how do I get him to stop talking to her without me looking lile a crazy jealous person? He tjinks I'm overreactinf, that there's nothing wrong with their friendship, but if it isn't everyone wouldn't be on my side abouy this.










Quoting spotsmom:

I guess I'm not sure what the question is, here but....um, no. No to having ANY contact with this girl, no to ever attempting to contact her again. I guess just ask him outright if he is having second thoughts about your marriage. If so, then you guys need to proceed from THERE, not him fishing around until he finds someone to replace you with before he dumps you. Sounds like he wants to make sure he has someone to move on WITH. Again, I don't know what the question was, but you guys need to have a serious talk. 







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Ihold8Stars
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I see your getting mad at others posts but darlin you know what's going on isn't right. You wanna find a way desperatly to excuse his actions but there's just no good reason.

To say he never met her and she's an Internet friend whom he has had some type of feelings for.. And she has tried to TAKE him away from you ( convince him to leave when he questioned you two)

that's cheating

when a man has a person to confide in, laugh with, share personal details of life with that's a wife... Or in your case it's a stranger-

He's never met

never had sex with

yet is willing to say your jealous.. Over reacting.. He's willing to jepordize his marriage for... A stranger???

You should be terrified cuz it's not just sex it not like she's so hot you'd do her to it's no 1 time hit n quit!

This bitch is in his head she has his attention that's worse then if he just screwed her!
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Ilaynasmommy
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Dh has one ex that likes to pop in when we are having issues. The last time we got back together I told him flat out. If you come back this time you are choosing me for my flaws and everything. No more talking to her. I'm done if you do. Shes been next door a few times and as fare as I know he didn't speak to her. She works for a local pizza place. I ordered a pizza forgetting she worked there until she delivered.when she pulled up dh walked to the kitchen. A few wks ago I forgot she worked there. I went in to order wings. She saw me and started whispering to everyone in the place. There was a Guy sitting with a baby. I assumed he was a customer waiting on food. I commented on the baby and made parent small talk. He was telling me about it being hard BC the baby had health issues and he didn't think they'd have another. I told him it'll get better and down the road he'd forget how hard it was. Apparently it was her baby. I know the supervisor of the pizza place for yrs. I knew his ex and some mutual friends tried setting us up and stuff until I found out. The girl was so distraught seeing me. Looking and whispering. I just made it a point to tell the supervisor how me and dh were married. Dd is 3 and were expecting our boy. I told dh I don't understand what he did with the other girl that made her so hung up on him lol.
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