Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

Emotional affair final update

Posted by   + Show Post

I just wanted to thank those of you who offered their advice and support, we worked things out last night. For those of you that had nothing but negative things to say: IN YO FACE!!! You were wrong.


A few days ago, my husband asked me what an emotional affair was because it came up in conversation, I explained the best I could; I said it's when you connect on an emotional level with someone other than your spouse and it can lead to a physical affair.

1st edit
Deapite our conversation, he reestablished contact with an old friend that he had strong feelings for. Her name is Rachelle, she lives somewhere near Pittsburgh, and they met online before him and I met, but they never met in person.
She felt it was ok for her to date and tell him about her sexual exploits, but she got angry when he told her about our relationship and quit talking to him for a while.
Some time after she started talking to him again, I found an inappropriate conversation between them. She tried to influence him to break up with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. She got mad again when he told her we worked it out and stopped talking to him again until now.

2nd edit

He had a girlfriend for 8 years and she treated him pretty badly before cheating on him, dumping him, and getting with the guy she cheated on him with. He said this woman that he's talking to was the first person he cared about after the breakup. He was in one other brief relationship before we met and we took things slow, started as friends, neither one of us imagined that we would be married a year after we met and have a son and another baby on the way.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Replies (31-40):
m0mmyheather
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:35 AM
Get on his account. In fact, I'd demand access to it.

Quoting Queen_Sheila:

I would, but her facebook page has me blocked, I've never spoken to her. If I had the chance, I would kick her ass for the things she said to him before we were married and for coming back.




Quoting m0mmyheather:

I would tell her to back the fuck off.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I plan to, but I want to talk to him first, I don't want him to be angry at me.


Quoting m0mmyheather:

Get on his account. In fact, I'd demand access to it.



Quoting Queen_Sheila:

I would, but her facebook page has me blocked, I've never spoken to her. If I had the chance, I would kick her ass for the things she said to him before we were married and for coming back.






Quoting m0mmyheather:

I would tell her to back the fuck off.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
N_maricle
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes, he shouldn't be speaking to her, especially since she is trying to influence him to break up with you.

Queen_Sheila
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 12:00 PM
2 moms liked this

That happened when we were still dating, over two years ago, but I still hate her for it because he was going to listen to her. What makes me so angry is that, before we met, she was never willing to take the time to meet him and put forth an effort to have a relationship, but she saw that he was happy and wanted to destroy that.

I've read their conversations, she's always complaining about how sick she is and how much pain she's in. All I see is a whiny bitch, but he sees a damsel in distress. Her and his ex gf act like I stole him from them, but he was single long before we met and he pursued me. He's mine and I'm not going to let any skank step in and try to take him from me.


Quoting N_maricle:

Yes, he shouldn't be speaking to her, especially since she is trying to influence him to break up with you.



la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:09 PM

 I think he needs to end all contact.

ToniTennille
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Ewwww... That's how it started with my husband. We are now divorcing. Long story but it started with an emotional affair that lead to more.

MomTeacher621
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 2:13 PM
2 moms liked this

You need to have a heart to heart talk and find out why he is sharing these things with someone other than you. What is he getting from this contact that he isn't from you? Does he feel he can't share things with you, or is he embarrassed? It is probably less threatening to some men to spill their problems to someone other than the wife because she isn't judging HIM, she is judging YOU and being on his side which is what he wants. So many men can't have these serious talks with their wives. You may need to go to counseling together to resolve it. Whether or not you call what he is doing cheating isn't the point. The point is that YOU are uncomfortable with it and he continues to do it. He doesn't seem to care about how you feel at all. For the record, my ex did this twice (that I know of) in 20+ years of marriage. The second time led to a physical affair. We have been divorced for 2+ years now. I knew I could never trust him again with all the technology there is that makes hiding it VERY easy.

Mama_Laken
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I went through this same kind of drama with my dd's daddy. If the guy doesn't want to give it up, he won't. And if it's going to continue to hurt you and he's not coming to the realization that in order for things to be alright between you two again, that he needs to break it off with that narcissistic lady, I think you'd be better off letting him waste his energy on her while you find a better man. But, definitely talk it out with him. Show him how much it really bothers you. Let the girl know too. She can't have your man and needs to look elsewhere.

Quoting Queen_Sheila:

I think he doesn't understand more than he doesn't care because men don't think the same way that women do and don't understand that an emotional affair can hurt as bad as a physical one. I'm not saying he's having an emotional afair with her, but he does have a connection with her thay I feel threatened by.



Quoting mrs.Martinez201:

honestly sounds like he doesn't really care how you feel. I'm sorry



ArianEponae
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:44 PM
2 moms liked this
Anytime he's talking to a woman and saying things he wouldn't say if I were there, it's wrong and I consider the sexual natured conversations cheating. If he didn't stop, I'd leave.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
TheQueenOfChaos
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 4:03 PM
3 moms liked this

My husband had a girl do the same thing. She caused so much stress in our relationship I left him twice. He doesn't talk to her anymore, he was told that if he decides to talk to her again he better hand me divorce papers the same day or else he will be getting them from me the next day.

When a husband cheats with a woman who doesn't know he's married I don't consider her a homewrecker. But when a woman tries to persuade a married man to leave his spouse or cheat on his spouse she IS in fact a homewrecker. They don't change. When they have their eye on something, they make it a point to keep going after it until they get it. I wouldn't allow her in your marriage, it's only asking for trouble.

As for a woman treating him bad, that's not an excuse. My husband was treated horribly just like yours. She physically abused him too. My husband did this one time and when he was confronted he knew it was NOT ok. He's using his past to guilt you.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)