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Emotional affair final update

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I just wanted to thank those of you who offered their advice and support, we worked things out last night. For those of you that had nothing but negative things to say: IN YO FACE!!! You were wrong.

A few days ago, my husband asked me what an emotional affair was because it came up in conversation, I explained the best I could; I said it's when you connect on an emotional level with someone other than your spouse and it can lead to a physical affair.

1st edit
Deapite our conversation, he reestablished contact with an old friend that he had strong feelings for. Her name is Rachelle, she lives somewhere near Pittsburgh, and they met online before him and I met, but they never met in person.
She felt it was ok for her to date and tell him about her sexual exploits, but she got angry when he told her about our relationship and quit talking to him for a while.
Some time after she started talking to him again, I found an inappropriate conversation between them. She tried to influence him to break up with me when he was having doubts about our relationship. She got mad again when he told her we worked it out and stopped talking to him again until now.

2nd edit

He had a girlfriend for 8 years and she treated him pretty badly before cheating on him, dumping him, and getting with the guy she cheated on him with. He said this woman that he's talking to was the first person he cared about after the breakup. He was in one other brief relationship before we met and we took things slow, started as friends, neither one of us imagined that we would be married a year after we met and have a son and another baby on the way.

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Replies (81-90):
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:25 PM

I kinda went though the same thing with my fiancĂ©. He had an emotional connection with a old female friend of mine( she was under 18 and had a history of being "too open" mind and body..if you catch my drift) any ways there were rumors of the. Getting physical before him n I became official. It became an issue n he stopped talking to her..well they started talking again FB. I found messages that seemed to be I side jokes.. I told hi. How I felt and he told me it was nothing to worry about ( it started as FB likes and comments.. He does not know I have seen messages).. Well I eventually came out saying I am not okay with it and he unfriended her and so far nothing new has become of it. 

I guess all I can say is be persistant that fact that this girl has never met him in person and is acting like he's her bf is a problem. Your husband should respect that and cut ties. This isn't time to live in the last because "she was there for him bs". YOU are there now and have two children to care for.. S entires you have to lay things out differently for guys to "get it",. Best of luck!

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I caught my husband having an inappropriate conversation with a girl from his past also. I read it to him while he was taking a bath, crying while explaining to him that this is still considered cheating because though there was no sexual contact, they were still hinting about it. He was very angry at me invading his privacy, but to my knowledge hasn't done it since. Communication is the key. Let him know how worried you are and how you have seem his attitude toward you change since he restarted his conversations with her.
by Amy :) on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:52 PM
1 mom liked this

If I we're in this situation I would tell my dh that all contact with this person needs to stop because what he's doing is still cheating even though there isn't anything physical going on.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:56 PM
Wow, I couldn't be with a cheater.
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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Your husband shouldn't be talking about his marital problems with another woman. Danger!!!
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:57 PM
If they are having inappropriate conversations and she is trying to convince him to leave then they are having an emotional affair. They need to stop talking to each other.
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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:32 PM
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If he can't tell you or do it in front of you, it's wrong.  Her attitude is possessive and inappropriate towards a married man and he shouldn't be talking to her about your relationship anyway.  A male friend or a therapist would be a more appropriate confidante.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:48 PM
Quoting k481gil:

If they are having inappropriate conversations and she is trying to convince him to leave then they are having an emotional affair. They need to stop talking to each other.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this
The fact that he still has conversations from 2 years ago where he tells her how she's turning him on, is a huge, red warning! That is wrong. Even if his conversations don't currently have sexual content, he's still keeping the ones that do. Not on. He's clearly having an affair, especially since this woman is jealous! You should confront her on his account & tell her to back off. You can tell him about it once you've done it. You've already explained to him what an emotional affair is & he's hiding it, so he knows it's wrong. If he gets angry with you, you should point that out. My mom has always said: if you have nothing to hide, why hide it?
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:28 AM
1 mom liked this

Dont feel threatend by her! Im sure she knows that yall are married, so what does that say about her? Kinda trashy! And dont let DH know your threatend by her, I do know most men Love confidence in there wife. Talk to him one last time, if it doesnt help then talj to the girl

Quoting Queen_Sheila:

I think he doesn't understand more than he doesn't care because men don't think the same way that women do and don't understand that an emotional affair can hurt as bad as a physical one. I'm not saying he's having an emotional afair with her, but he does have a connection with her thay I feel threatened by.

Quoting mrs.Martinez201:

honestly sounds like he doesn't really care how you feel. I'm sorry

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