Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Falling out of love?

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:19 PM
  • 16 Replies

So I am new in this group...

I wanted to ask if anyone felt this way. 

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. Have had children for 8 of them. He is a great guy and great father. I realize though that we have different ideas of what we want for the future. It is on opposite ends of the specturm. We want totally different things. I'm not sure how to approach this. I don't think either of us want to compromise too much on it either. I know that obviously I need to bring it up. I know he doesn't see a problem at the moment, only I do.

I know a lot if my own fault for not talking about it sooner. I tried to convince myself that maybe I wanted the same thing, that I would be okay with it. I know I am not. I have told I am not. But he still thinks we will end up where he wants even though he knows I don't want to be there, I don't want our kids to be there (basically he wants to be in his hometown which is tiny, middle of nowhere type place that has changed a lot since he grew up and I want to travel and see a lot more of the world).

I am worried because a lot of times when I do bring it up he doesn't actually "hear" me. Any suggestions on how to bring this up or talk about this?

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:19 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
unsuspected
by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:24 PM

My husband and I have struggles with this too.  Not the falling out of love part, but the different ideas for the future.  The base of it is we want a happy, loving family but we have different ideas how to get there.

we've been married 10 years, we've had kids for all those years, lol.  

I don't want to get into specifics about our different ideas but it's been ongoing for at least 5 years and gotten to the poitn where someone has to give and I think it's going to be me, to an extent.  It's pretty much a location problem with us as well.  We're looking to buy our first home.

But it hasn't forced us to stop loving eachother, we try to talk things through and be open.  

I don't know ... you have to take a step back and think about compromise.  Would you rather travel and see the

armstrong7984
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 8:28 PM

what i would do is what Dr. Phil does with his wife and what hubby and I do. Ask the other person on a scale 1-10 how set or against they are about that issue, and you do the same thing and whoever scores higher gets 'their way', and also comprimise is very important, if my hubby wanted more than anything in the world to move somewhere, anywhere i would go, but knowing that later on would be my turn to do what i want. With both of you guys being completely set on something its not going to work, theres no way, someone has to not 'have their way'.

So i would sit your hubby down, and sit close to him and look him in the eyes and have a heart to heart, I always use the words, 'i feel' 'i think' 'when you do this i feel like this'....with never raising your voice. This is what we do.

GL Hun

pittawadda
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:00 PM

I don't know if it is a falling out of love issue or not. There also has been a new mojor life change recently and I know for myself personally it has just dredged up this feeling from the passed few years. I know that he hasn't felt this, only I have. But when I have talked to him in the past about it, he again doesn't really hear me. 

It feels like he doesn't know me anymore, he doesn't know the things I want. Some is probably due to me not knowing. When we talked about it we talked about a life that maybe would fit for both of us but I'm not sure if that would satistfy me. It's a great comprosmise but I worry and I think it's teh worry that is why it's not okay for me. 


Quoting unsuspected:

My husband and I have struggles with this too.  Not the falling out of love part, but the different ideas for the future.  The base of it is we want a happy, loving family but we have different ideas how to get there.

we've been married 10 years, we've had kids for all those years, lol.  

I don't want to get into specifics about our different ideas but it's been ongoing for at least 5 years and gotten to the poitn where someone has to give and I think it's going to be me, to an extent.  It's pretty much a location problem with us as well.  We're looking to buy our first home.

But it hasn't forced us to stop loving eachother, we try to talk things through and be open.  

I don't know ... you have to take a step back and think about compromise.  Would you rather travel and see the



KJH78
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:07 PM
Why can't you do both...have home be in small town and then go travel elsewhere.....


Quoting pittawadda:

So I am new in this group...

I wanted to ask if anyone felt this way. 

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. Have had children for 8 of them. He is a great guy and great father. I realize though that we have different ideas of what we want for the future. It is on opposite ends of the specturm. We want totally different things. I'm not sure how to approach this. I don't think either of us want to compromise too much on it either. I know that obviously I need to bring it up. I know he doesn't see a problem at the moment, only I do.

I know a lot if my own fault for not talking about it sooner. I tried to convince myself that maybe I wanted the same thing, that I would be okay with it. I know I am not. I have told I am not. But he still thinks we will end up where he wants even though he knows I don't want to be there, I don't want our kids to be there (basically he wants to be in his hometown which is tiny, middle of nowhere type place that has changed a lot since he grew up and I want to travel and see a lot more of the world).

I am worried because a lot of times when I do bring it up he doesn't actually "hear" me. Any suggestions on how to bring this up or talk about this?


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
pittawadda
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:39 PM

He doesn't want to travel at all. And I don't want to raise my kids in his hometown let alone live there. 

I want to become a photojournalist, that is what I am striving for. I am striving to have a job that requires me to travel..... A LOT.

I briefly talked and we kind of reached this point of well we will cross bridges when we reach them. I know that is how he is. HE isn't good with hypotheticals, he is good with facts and what is reality. He can only handle what is happening now. 


Quoting KJH78:

Why can't you do both...have home be in small town and then go travel elsewhere.....


Quoting pittawadda:

So I am new in this group...

I wanted to ask if anyone felt this way. 

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. Have had children for 8 of them. He is a great guy and great father. I realize though that we have different ideas of what we want for the future. It is on opposite ends of the specturm. We want totally different things. I'm not sure how to approach this. I don't think either of us want to compromise too much on it either. I know that obviously I need to bring it up. I know he doesn't see a problem at the moment, only I do.

I know a lot if my own fault for not talking about it sooner. I tried to convince myself that maybe I wanted the same thing, that I would be okay with it. I know I am not. I have told I am not. But he still thinks we will end up where he wants even though he knows I don't want to be there, I don't want our kids to be there (basically he wants to be in his hometown which is tiny, middle of nowhere type place that has changed a lot since he grew up and I want to travel and see a lot more of the world).

I am worried because a lot of times when I do bring it up he doesn't actually "hear" me. Any suggestions on how to bring this up or talk about this?




Dqnana
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:06 PM
2 moms liked this

Well ... I have to ask ... how many children do you have and how old are they?  Do you have the foggiest idea what a photojournalist really does??  Most do not work for a certain publication or get specific assignments. Many people just sell their photos to an online service that then markets them to a publication who is looking for a certain "shot".  If you have no experience and have not become extremely good with your camera, I have to tell you that a career as a "photojournalist" is as much a longshot as winning American Idol.  If photography is your passion, begin by taking shots of your kids and this tiny, middle-of-nowhere home town that you dislike. Find the beauty in those things and see if you can begin selling that. Work on your skills and your art.  THEN, you can spread your wings and travel when your job as a mom does not take up so much of your energy. I now live and travel full time in a motor home. I can tell you that some of the most interesting places I have seen are tiny towns in the middle of nowhere, where you can see the echoes of what was there before.  If you are dead set against it, then find REAL reasons why it is not good for your family ... bad schools, no medical care, etc.  But ... I can tell you that just traveling is not going to be all you think it will be.  

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:12 PM

I think you have to stand your ground on these kinds of things, or end up having to accept the fact that you'll likely be unhappy for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, there isn't a good compromise.

steelcrazy
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Marriage is full of compromises.  You both need to sit down and talk openly and honestly.  Keep in mind that you both will need to work hard and compromise if you want your marriage to work.

la_bella_vita
by Bella on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:22 PM

 I have not been through this, bump

adiggs87
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:45 PM

 Have you ever thought about marrige couciling??? My husband and I attended about 4 or 5 at our church... The preacher counciled us, and basically taught us how to communicate. Wether It was over a argument, a grudge, or whatever... It really helped us! Good Luck! Im sure that was not the answer you were looking for, I hope every thing works out for yall. :-)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)