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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

I really can use some good advice please.

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM
  • 18 Replies

  I've been married for  11 years.    The worst year of my marriage was 2012 .  @ the start of it  Jan. 5th  we got into a stupid ass fight (he thought I was cheating)   He slapped me hard & in front of our then  1year old.  He was so angry just saying all kinds of things like he was a totally different person.  Anyway I was so scared I left him. 

He was  never abusive like that before.  Just sometimes he was like the way he said things.   Never has he hit me kwim.  Anyway He was begging for me to come home & how much he missed me & our dd.  I told him no he needs to go to counseling for his angry issues then we can see.   After many months   & I saw that he has changed.  I went back.  He has been a really nicer person, the guy he was when  we were first together.    

So do you think  he could go back to his old ways, should I be worried?  Did I make  the right choice in going back?  

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AlannaMaria
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:23 PM
I think you did the right thing by making him get help before you let him back. It does sound like he really did feel bad and wanted change and do whatever he had to do to change and get his family back. I do believe people can change and I'm sure you leaving him was a huge wake up call to him to change. I don't think you made a bad choice taking him back because he doesn't have a history of being abusive towards you, but if it does happen again I would take your child and leave. Good luck & glad things are going good!
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ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:30 PM

I need more info. Why did he accuse you so vehemently of cheating? Was this random, or were you being secretive, or what?

Nynnie
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:41 PM
Well tbh, now that he's done it he is a lot more likely to do it again. But being as u left the first time, and he got help instead of u just going back when he begged u to, maybe this is a man that learned his lesson. Have u guys got into any issues, little or big again? If so, think about how he's handling it now, if he's doing better at handling them. If u haven't, see how it goes when u do. Trust ur intuition. If it happens again, don't go back. Good luck and I hope everything goes well for u guys
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BBMommy27
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:42 PM

We all make mistakes. Now that being said a man SHOULD NEVER hit you no matter the circumstances. If you honestly felt like he changed then you did the right thing. But don't be niave and think he could never do it again. If they raise thier hand to you once its easier to do the second time. Keep an eye out for the warning signs and if you see them get out. Good luck hun.

Mommy to 2 amazing boys Baily , and Bentley, and are expecting our little Gabriella JoAn in January! I am also very much in love with my soulmate Brian. I love my life couldn't ask more.
MommyKir
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:55 PM

To be honest there is always a possibility of him doing it again. But I would not live in fear of that possibility. You did the right thing by staying away while he got some help, in a way you showed him what he had. Now he has an appreciation for it he didnt have before,hopefully. But I think that perhaps you could use some new ways for both of you to get your feelings out there without the ugly confrontation. Try writing letters o each other on what you feel needs to change and not just what you want the other to do but what you need to improve on as well and why you feel that way. My husband and I do that about every 6 months. We also keep a shared journal on the pc. Where we write our feelings and if we ever want to peek at how the other s feeling, we read it. See if there are any issues and work on them. That is how we avoid the arguing but still communicate. We also use the journal as a way to leave little letters to each other. I actually currently have a post on it. "UGH he can be such an a** sometimes" Good luck doll.

Serenity7
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 4:58 PM

 No one can answer that question. You will just have to see for yourself

ihave1
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:17 PM

 Thank you for the good idea.  I did read your post too.  I so want to do that hope he will too.

Quoting MommyKir:

To be honest there is always a possibility of him doing it again. But I would not live in fear of that possibility. You did the right thing by stying away while he got some help, in a way you showed him what he had. Now he has an appreciation for it he didnt have before,hopefully. But I think that perhaps you coul use some new ways for both of you to get your feelings out there without the ugly controntation. Try writing letters o each other on wht you feel needs to chnge and not just what you want the other to do but what you need to improve on as well and why you feel that way. My husband and I do that about every 6 months. We also keep a shared journal on the pc. Where we write our feelings and if we ever want to peek at how the other s feeling, we read it. See if there are any issues and work on them. That is how we avoid the argueing but still communicate. We also use the jounal as a way to leave little letters to each other. I actually currently have a post on it. "UGH he can be such an a** sometimes" Good luck doll.

 

ihave1
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 Yes, I suppose you are right. =0)  

Quoting Serenity7:

 No one can answer that question. You will just have to see for yourself

 

ihave1
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:22 PM

 Thank you.   I am not going to be niave. 

Quoting BBMommy27:

We all make mistakes. Now that being said a man SHOULD NEVER hit you no matter the circumstances. If you honestly felt like he changed then you did the right thing. But don't be niave and think he could never do it again. If they raise thier hand to you once its easier to do the second time. Keep an eye out for the warning signs and if you see them get out. Good luck hun.

 

justpeachy71904
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 5:23 PM
I think we all make mistakes. I all think it is possible to push someone so much and so hard to the point they snap.

I think it is good you talked about counseling. Why not get joint counseling.?! Maybe you need to work on your insecurities.

Best of luck to ya
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