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Love & Marriage Love & Marriage

My SO has mommy issues and was divorced 2 times!

Posted by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:40 AM
  • 11 Replies

I believe he will never trust me, I believe he is not able to trust any female.  His mother cheated on his father, and his first wife (2 children with him) was cheating on him too.  His 2nd wife spent all his money on a law suit against her ex-husband and then started hanging out with him, and my SO ended the marriage with her!  He is constantly insinuating that I am running around behind his back.  He has major trust issues, he thinks I am unhappy in bed with him too.  How in the world can I have a happy life with him if he thinks I can't be trusted!  We are not married, would love to be married to him if he would stop starting fights over things I don't even do!

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
furbabymum
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:47 AM
3 moms liked this

 Well you can't fix his trust issues and I wouldn't be his emotional punching bag. It doesnt' sound like this guy has the emotional availability to be an SO. You need to drop him. Harsh words but true words. You deserve better than a partial man who takse out all his past problems on you. So, tell him to get counseling or leave.

ttc1rainbow
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:49 AM

 Have you thought about therapy? For you as a couple and him individually? To help work on those issues...I know it isn't for everyone! But, it wouldn't hurt to be open and try it? Have you sat and talked with him, about his not trusting you is causing a huge strain in your relationship?

tihone77
by Bronze Member on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:54 AM

I second both the pp  ^^^^.  Sorry.

CrazyLife1996
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:56 AM
I hate to agree with everyone else because I am huge on making marriage work but in this case I'm not so sure.
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liz.1986
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 10:59 AM
Counseling, individually and together. If he's not willing to go or for some reason counseling doesn't help, I would second guess marrying this guy.
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mango44
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I know everyone is right, I love him so much though.  But I don't want to pay for something I haven't done.  I've talked about it with him MANY times, everytime he starts questioning me about, where have I been today, why did it take me so long, etc etc: I get super pissed off and then he says to me why are you getting so defensive!  Then I feel like I just can't win.  I just cannot make this man trust me!  We do a family therapist that is coming once a week, she is here for my daughter but includes the whole family in the sessions.  We just started therapy and I am going to address these problems of trust, cause it affects not only me but my daughter too.

biancalina20
by Bianca Lina on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Im sorry hun... the PPs havr basically said everything I would have said.
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mango44
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:24 AM

I was married for 22 years, and for 5 years I have been alone, never had a relationship that lasted during that time.  I waited for the right person, I believe he is everything I want in a man.  He has a great job and good work ethics, he is kind and treats me as an equal.  He has opened his home to me and my daughter (we have lived together for over a year now).  He is a good provider and we get along otherwize, accept when he gets insecure and starts accusing me of stupid shit!  That is his only flaw, I mean I can't expect perfection right?  However, I guess in the end it is all a matter of what you are willing to put up with!

furbabymum
by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this

 Well, look at his multiple divorces. Sure you blame it on the other women but are you sure he's no culpable in any way at all? I'd be exceedingly wary of becoming #3 no matter what good qualities you claim he has.

ReadWriteLuv
by Casey on Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Bazinga!

Quoting furbabymum:

 Well you can't fix his trust issues and I wouldn't be his emotional punching bag. It doesnt' sound like this guy has the emotional availability to be an SO. You need to drop him. Harsh words but true words. You deserve better than a partial man who takse out all his past problems on you. So, tell him to get counseling or leave.

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